PREVIOUS NEWS ARCHIVE

19/3/08 - HOPEFULLY NURSIE WILL BE BACK AT WORK TOMORROW.

ENJOYABLE ST PATRICK'S DAY. RECEIVED A NICE GUINNESS KEY RING IN THE POST FROM DAVE E. THE FAMOUS WELSH DON. ENDED UP WITH A HAT FOR MY COLLECTION COURTESY OF DAZ, WHO WOULD ONLY SERVE ME ON THE CONDITION I WORE IT. IT SOON CAME OFF AFTERWARDS.

ARTHUR C. CLARKE HAS DIED - AUTHOR OF '2001' - MADE INTO ONE OF MY FAVOURITE FILMS. I'LL BE DOING A FEATURE ON THAT SHORTLY, REPLACING THE ST PATS STUFF WHEN I'VE GOT THE TIME.

                        

                                       

THIS FRIDAY IS SHAPING UP TO BE A GOOD DAY - I'M NOT DOING MY PAID WORK OR DOING MY VOLUNTARY WORK AND COMPUTER CLASSES ARE CLOSED FOR THE RECESS SO IT'S FULL STEAM AHEAD - ALTHOUGH THE SULTAN IS HOPING TO BE OTHERWISE ENGAGED. HE MATES TWICE A YEAR.

HOPEFULLY I'M PLAYING THE COUSINS AT GOLF EASTER SUNDAY - DETLEF IS OFF TO THE FATHERLAND AGAIN. THE BEER WILL FLOW IN THE KELLERS OF BAVARIA. THERE WILL BE TALKS OF PAST GLORY AND THERE WILL BE SAUSAGES.

13/3 SAW 'JUMPER' TODAY - ENJOYED IT. TOM HULCE IS SUPPOSED TO BE IN IT SOMEWHERE PLAYING A CHARACTER CALLED 'MR BOWKER' AND THERE'S BEEN QUITE A BIT OF INTERNET TALK THAT YOU CAN'T SEE HIM ANYWHERE. I THINK HE MAY BE THE SCHOOL TEACHER RIGHT AT THE START BY THE PROJECTOR - WHO IS ON SCREEN FOR ABOUT A SECOND TOPS.

WALSALL BEER FESTIVAL IS ON THE 3RD 4TH AND 5TH APRIL THIS YEAR

http://www.birminghamcamra.org.uk/Walsall2008.pdf

 

JUST WATCHED SPURS GO OUT - I REMEMBER MANY YEARS AGO WATCHING BOBBY ROBSON PULL HIS HAIR OUT WHEN A YOUNG JENAS OVER - CASUALLY TOOK A PENALTY IN AN IMPORTANT MATCH AND MISSED THE GOALS COMPLETELY - THE SAME MISPLACED NONCHALANCE COST SPURS DEARLY TONIGHT. A FUTURE ENGLAND PENALTY TAKER - THERE'S JUST NO HOPE.

12/3 ONLY POPPED ON THE SITE FOR A QUICK UPDATE - IMAGINE MY CHAGRIN WHEN I DISCOVERED THE ENTIRE BOTTOM HALF OF IT WAS MISSING. FORTUNATELY I RECENTLY MADE A BACKUP - BUT NOTICED A LOT OF STUFF WAS BADLY ALIGNED AND ALL THE EXPLANATIONS FOR THE LINKS HAD DISAPPEARED -  HOW LONG IT HAD BEEN LIKE THIS I DUNNO. TO QUOTE A CHARACTER FROM THE FILM 'JESSE JAMES' "IF WE ARE EVER TO HAVE LAW AND ORDER IN THE WEST THE FIRST THING WE HAVE TO DO IS TAKE ALL THE WEB HOSTERS OUT AND SHOOT THEM DOWN LIKE DAWGS!!"

THE VERY BOTTOM OF THE SITE WILL ALWAYS SAY

"TO TURN OFF THE MUSIC TURN THE SOUND DOWN

    ALL IMAGES ON THIS SITE ARE COPYRIGHT OF SOME OTHER BUGGER"

IF NOT - YOU AIN'T GOT THE WHOLE SITE. YOU ARE BEING DEPRIVED.

BEERS GOING UP AGAIN THEN - AND THEY ARE CUNNINGLY PUTTING IT UP THE DAY BEFORE ST PATRICK'S DAY. BUT  THAT WON'T HELP THE PUB TRADE WITH SOMETHING IN THE REGION OF 12 PUBS CLOSING EVERY SECOND (AND THAT'S JUST IN WALSALL - HOGSHEAD IS GOING TO BE THE LATEST) SINCE THE ILL THOUGHT OUT, HUMAN RIGHTS FLOUTING, DIVISORY AND DISCRIMINATORY ACTION KNOWN AS 'THE SMOKING BAN'!!!!!

ALSO NURSIE'S ILLNESS AND THE GIANT LUCA'S ABSENCE FROM FRIDAY SOIRÉES HASN'T HELPED THE TRADE EITHER.....

9/3/08 MOVED STUFF TO THE  PREVIOUS NEWS ARCHIVED SECTION AND ADDED VETERAN FILM STAR CUTIES CLAUDIA CARDINALE AND JOAN LESLIE (WHO?) TO THE LADIES PAGE  AS WELL AS CHANGING A COUPLE OF THE CHRISTINA RICCI PICS.

JOAN LESLIE -     http://www.classicmovies.org/articles/joanleslie1.htm                                           

9/3/08 ARSENAL TITLE CHANCES FADE AS HELD TO A GOALLESS DRAW BY BRUCIE'S WIGAN. PITCH IN EXCELLENT CONDITION.

ARTIST'S IMPRESSION OF ARSENAL'S CHANCES OF WINNING ANYTHING THIS SEASON

9/3/08 NICE GAME OF GOLF TODAY. DETLEF AND I BEAT THE SULTAN AND LUCA AS A TEAM AND I FINISHED FIRST OVERALL. THERE IS ORDER IN THE UNIVERSE DESPITE THE WEEKENDS SHOCK FOOTBALL RESULTS.

AS TODAY WAS A 2 POINTER THE SCORE BETWEEN MYSELF AND THE GERMAN WIZARD IS NOW 3.0 TO ME. THERE WILL BE MANY TWISTS AND TURNS IN FORTUNES OVER THE YEAR I'M SURE, BUT AS THIS IS THE OLD FOX'S LAST YEAR IN THIS COUNTRY I FEEL I OWE IT TO EVERY TRUE ENGLISHMAN FROM BOB HOPE TO CHARLIE CHAPLIN TO CRUSHINGLY DEFEAT HIM. THIS IS WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR.

A BEARD SIMILAR TO THE ONE DETTERS IS CURRENTLY SPORTING

CONTACT ME IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN BUYING THE SITE OF DETLEF'S CASTLE IN LICHFIELD - THE GROUNDS ALONE WOULD BE SUITABLE FOR A PREMIER LEAGUE FOOTBALL GROUND, A SHOPPING MALL OR A SMALL INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT.

FREE HUGS! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lD6o49Uqv10

WELL DONE BARNSLEY AS CHELSKI JOIN THE HAPLESS UNITED'S EXIT FROM THE FA CUP.

THIS IS CLASS - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJb9UV_HUWA&feature=related

 

ORIGIN OF THE EXPRESSION 'HAVE A DECKO' - http://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/53/messages/534.html

4/3 ROB M. 'FRIEND TO THE STARS' SENT ME A TEXT EARLIER TO SAY HE HAD JUST LANDED IN ZURICH. HE SAID THE PLANE WAS FULL OF 'GOONERS' ON THEIR WAY TO MILAN INCLUDING TOM WATT (HE USED TO BE LOFTY IN EASTENDERS AND USED TO WALK ROLLY, DIRTY DEN'S POODLE - DIRTY DEN BEING ANOTHER CHARACTER BASED LOOSELY ON ME.) WHAT A LIFE ROB LEADS.

COME ON UNITED - THEY'RE ONLY FRENCH!!

TOOK THE ANIMATED SNOW OFF THE SITE IT BEING MARCH AND ALL AND GRUDGINGLY ACCEPTING CHRISTMAS IS JUST ABOUT OVER...ONLY 296 DAYS TILL THE NEXT ONE THOUGH.

3/3 UNITED MARCHED ON THIS SATURDAY - BUT WHY REST ROONY AND RONNIE AND THEN BRING THEM ON AND RISK INJURY WHILE WINNING COMFORTABLY???

2/3/08 PASSED TEST. GREAT TO ACTUALLY MEET UP WITH DAVE E. THE FAMOUS WELSH DON, ON FRIDAY, JUST LIKE OLD TIMES. JUST BEEN WATCHING THE EPISODE OF 'LOST' THAT WILL AIR IN THE U.K TONIGHT - A REAL RETURN TO FORM I FEEL!!

SO FAR LOOKS GOOD FOR THE BIG GOLF SHOWDOWN WITH THE MIGHTY GOLFING COUSINS NEXT WEEK.

 

26/2.08 GOT A BIG I.T  TEST ON THURSDAY - I'LL BE EVEN GLADDER TO SEE FRIDAY THIS WEEK.

SAW 'OLLIE' FRIDAY - NURSIE HEARD HIM ON 'JAMES WHALE' THE OTHER WEEK SAYING HE'D HAD A STROKE. HE'S LOOKING OK NOW, GOOD TO SEE HIM.

26/2/08 ANYONE WATCHING 'LOST'?  I WAS SURE SHE SAID "ALRIGHT 'ERN'" AT THE END OF EPISODE 4. IT WASN'T AN ERIC MORECAMBE IMPRESSION -APPARENTLY IT WAS 'AARON' WHICH MAKES A HELL OF A DIFFERENCE! PERHAPS THIS SEASON IS STARTING TO WARM UP AFTER A SOMEWHAT SLOW START.

GOOD TO SEE THE EXCELLENT 'DEXTER' IS MAKING IT TO TERRESTRIAL TELEVISION.

NURSIE STILL ILL - DOCTORS TOMORROW. HE'S BETTER THAN HE WAS INITIALLY BUT STILL FAR FROM RIGHT.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HIS UNFORTUNATE DAUGHTER NIAMH. SOME GIRLS WOULD WANT A PONY FOR THEIR BIRTHDAY - SHE'S ENDED UP WITH A BROKEN ARM!

SAW 'BIG X' THE LEADER OF THE INFAMOUS 'WALSALL 7' ON THE BUS TO BROWNHILLS THIS MORNING. UPDATED HIM ON NURSIE'S CONDITION.

IAN HAS CHANGED HIS NAME ON EBAY TO THE NAME OF HIS ELF CHARACTER FROM 'THE LORD OF THE RINGS ONLINE'....AND THEY SECTIONED GAZZA.

 

24/2/08 'LEWIS' ON AT 9 TONIGHT - LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT.

GREAT PERFORMANCE SPURS. ENJOYED THAT.

 SHAME CHIMBONDA IS SUCH A SPOILT BRAT. HE'LL BE OFF NOW.

GRANT IS A FANTASIST - HE THINKS CHELSKI WERE THE ONLY TEAM IN IT!! HE WAS BETTER OFF KEEPING HIS MOUTH SHUT PRETENDING NOT TO UNDERSTAND ENGLISH.

GOLF GOT UNDERWAY TODAY - SCORE 1.0 TO THE DON. GREAT TO BE PLAYING AGAIN.

GREAT NEWS - DETLEF NOT MOVING BACK TO GERMANY TILL NEXT YEAR SO I CAN BEAT HIM ALL SUMMER!

NOW ALL WE NEED IS A SUMMER...

THE SULTAN HAS MOVED HOUSE THIS WEEKEND AND NOW LIVES ABOUT 2 DOORS AWAY FROM A PUB. THEY HAVE JUST PUT THEIR PRICES UP IN THE HOPE OF BEING ABLE TO RETIRE EARLY ON THE PROCEEDS.

MANY CONGRATULATIONS TO DAVE THE WELSH DON - WHO BECAME A GRANDAD AGAIN ON FRIDAY - ENTER BABY 'FAITH'. HER MOTHER HAD FAITH IN HER. ONCE AGAIN WE DIDN'T ACTUALLY SEE DAVE - HE IS SLOWLY BECOMING HOWARD HUGHES, ALBEIT RICHER. WE'VE YET TO SEE HIS SPRUCE GOOSE THOUGH MISSUS.

23/2/08 UNITED'S DEMOLITION OF THE TOON OVERSHADOWED BY THE HORRIFIC INJURY TO EDUARDO - I ONLY HOPE THAT'S NOT HIS CAREER FINISHED.

GREAT TO SEE A LOT OF THE OLD FACES IN 'THE BRICKS' FRIDAY NIGHT.

 

THE GORGEOUS PADMÉ AMIDALA-SKYWALKER  (NATALIE PORTMAN) OFFERS OUR HILARY HER SUPPORT - THE GORGEOUS NATALIE SEEMS TO NEED VERY LITTLE IN THE WAY OF SUPPORT HERSELF...

17/ 2 ARSENAL HUMBLED YESTERDAY BY RAMPANT UNITED - THAT'S HOW IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE LAST WEEK!!!!! UNITED JUST CAN'T LOSE WITH ROON IN THE SIDE!!!

OH BLESS THAT HALLOWED DAY!!!

 

MOM HAS PRE-OP MEETING WEDNESDAY THEN OP 2 WEEKS LATER ON 5/3

NURSIE SEEMS TO BE GETTING A BIT BETTER

SULTAN'S BIRTHDAY TODAY!

IN HIS LAST YEAR IN BRITAIN PETE MAY BE BACK FOR PELSALL CARNIVAL THIS YEAR - 5TH JULY

HOPEFULLY OUR FIRST GAME OF GOLF THIS YEAR WILL BE NEXT SUNDAY - JUST THE HUNMEISTER AND MYSELF - THE SULTAN IS MOVING HOUSE/HIS MOM'S BIRTHDAY THAT WEEKEND. HE WILL WAIT A FURTHER 2 WEEKS TO KNOW HIS FATE...

    DAVE E. SET TO BE A GRANDAD AGAIN NEXT FRIDAY!!

 

NEVER FORGET - THE ANNIVERSARY OF THE MUNICH AIR DISASTER IS TODAY

5/2 - TOMORROW IS MY ONCE YOUNGER SISTERS BIRTHDAY. SPOOKILY THE ADJUSTMENTS I AM NOW FORCED TO MAKE TO MY AGE EACH YEAR MEANS THAT SHE IS NOW OLDER THAN ME!!!! I WONDER WHAT STEPHEN HAWKING WOULD MAKE OF THAT?

SIMPSONS STEPHEN HAWKING ACTION FIGURE - FAME AT LAST

 

I WISH I COULD RAISE SOME ENTHUSIASM FOR TOMORROWS ENGLAND GAME BUT I CANT SO FAR - VERY UNLIKE ME BUT MEANINGFUL MATCHES STILL SEEM A LONG WAY OFF.

BEING A GREAT FAN OF THE DEAR DEPARTED INSPECTOR MORSE I WAS IN 2 MINDS WHEN THEY ANNOUNCED THE LEWIS SPIN - OFF, BUT THE CURRENT REPEATS CONFIRM IN MY MIND IT WAS A JOB WELL DONE AND I CERTAINLY  LOOK FORWARD TO MORE OF THE SAME.

(

WORDS FAIL ME - THANKS TO ANN FOR THE PIC.

NOVEMBER 2CND LAST YEAR MARKED THE 25TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE ONLY EVER DESCENT BRITISH SOAP - BROOKSIDE http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFwpl22lPr8&feature=related

TREVOR ALIVE AND WELL - WENT TO SEE HIM YESTERDAY

CAPELLO AN IDIOT CONFIRMATION.

GAWD HERE WE GO AGAIN - WE FINALLY GET RID OF 'RED ONION' STEVE McCLAREN AND THE F.A TAKE ON AN IMBECILE. I BRAND CAPELLO AS BEING PASTA IT.

LIKE THE INFAMOUS McCLAREN CAPELLO DROPPED DAVID BECKHAM (WHILE AT REAL MADRID) BUT LIKE McCLAREN WAS FORCED TO BRING HIM BACK - WINNING THE ITALIAN COMEDY LEAGUE IN THE PROCESS. LOOKS LIKE IT'S PAYBACK TIME FOR BECKHAM RIGHTLY MAKING HIM LOOK AN IDIOT. BRING BACK SVEN.

BEST WISHES TO NURSIE AND FAMILY - HE'S NOT WELL AT THE MOMENT - WE ALL HOPE HE WILL BE WELL SOON

THE 'UNCLE' BOOKS BY J.P.MARTIN WERE A BIG PART OF MY CHILDHOOD. EVENTUALLY A FILM WILL BE MADE NO DOUBT (IT'S IDEAL FOR C.G.I) AND FUTURE GENERATIONS WILL TREAT THESE BOOKS WITH THE RESPECT THEY DESERVE. IF LOOKING AT THIS SITE INSPIRES YOU TO GO OUT AND MAKE A HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL MULTI MILLION POUND FILM THEN PLEASE SEND ME LOTS OF CASH AS I'M A BIT STRAPPED. I'M NOT GREEDY - £500,000 WILL BE FINE. I ACCEPT PAYPAL. EMAIL ME FOR DETAILS AT GIVEMEALLYOURDOSH@CHRISTHEDON.COM

'UNCLE' LINKS

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J._P._Martin

http://www.infinityplus.co.uk/introduces/uncle.htm

http://www.uncle-tv.com/Intro.html

http://scruss.com/uncle.html

http://liberalengland.blogspot.com/2005/12/holiday-reading-uncle-books.html

http://www.randomhouse.com/teens/catalog/display.pperl?isbn=9781590172391

CLASSIC DAY FRIDAY - NICE TO SEE DASHER AND MEET UP WITH SO MANY OLD FRIENDS  WHILST STILL MANAGING TO CELEBRATE NURSIE'S BIRTHDAY.

AITCHE'S FRIEND EX-BOUNCER ROB HAS FINISHED HIS PARATROOPER BASIC TRAINING IN TOP SPOT AT THE GRAND OLD AGE OF 32 - AND VERY NICE TO SEE HIM TOO. HE'LL BE OFF TO AFGHANISTAN IN DECEMBER UNLESS ANY OTHER CONFLICTS BREAK OUT IN THE INTERIM (LIKELY)

ARSENAL SLIP UP AND THE LOONY TOONS CRUMBLE IN 6 GOAL THRILLER. THAT'S IT FOR ARSENAL NOW. COME ON YOU MIGHTY REDS!!

 

AND I SLIPPED UP A BIT FRIDAY NIGHT BY ONLY PREDICTING A 6. 1 WIN WHILST TALKING TO NEWCASTLE PETE.

 

SOME PICS FROM CHRISTMAS EVE

SCOTTISH PETE MUSES ON LIFE THE UNIVERSE AND EVERYTHING JUST AS A TARPAULIN BLOWS ONTO THE UNFORTUNATE 'PHIL THE HAT'  OUTSIDE 'THE  BRICKS' AND CARRIES HIM HALF A MILE DOWN THE ROAD WRIGGLING AND HOWLING.

THE GIANT KNOWN AS LUCA ENTERTAINS HIS SISTER AND BRO - IN - LAW WITH HIS SPARKLING WIT IN ARBOR

A WRECKED LOOKING PETE WITH A FRESH FACED AND YOUTHFUL LOOKING NURSIE IN ARBOR

BOREDOM!!!!

6\1\07  It's over......back to reality. It's been a  good one for me overall - hope it has for you too. What to look forward to now? Nursie's birthday extravaganza that's what!!!! Grab him for a pint this Friday in the Varsity if you can stand the cloth caps and whippets - it's not every day you are 57! Actual birthday date is Saturday 12th January and again a week after that.

HOPE YOU ARE ALL STILL ENJOYING CHRISTMAS - ONLY A COUPLE OF MORE DAYS TO GO DURING WHICH TO FORGET A BLEAK LOOKING YEAR AHEAD ESPECIALLY FOR FOOTBALL FANS.

STILL - JUST HEARD KAREN ALLEN IS RETURNING FOR THE FINAL INDIANA JONES MOVIE - GOOD NEWS INDEED!!!

FRIENDS AND I SHOW WE ARE IN THE PEAK OF ELF

SADLY THE ANIMATED SITE HAS GONE NOW BUT THE LEGEND OF THE MIGHTY DANCING ELVES LIVES ON..

RAYMOND BRIGGS FAN SITE http://www.toonhound.com/briggs.htm

SATURDAY 22CND DECEMBER MARKS THE WINTER SOLSTICE. WHAT IS THIS WINTER SOLSTICE THING AND WHY ARE WE HAVING IT WITHOUT A REFERENDUM? - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winter_solstice

12\12 NOTE UPDATE REGARDING WASHBOARD SYNCOPATORS ABOVE.

GAFF LAST NIGHT - I ASKED PULITZER GEORGE'S WIFE DEBBIE IF THEIR HEATING HAD BEEN FIXED - SHE REPLIED "YES AND WE HAVEN'T HAD IT OFF SINCE" MUCH TO THE AMUSEMENT OF THE INFAMOUS "WALSALL SEVEN"

THIS SITE SUPPORTS HILARY

http://www.hillaryclinton.com/

BAD LUCK RICKY - YOU DID YOUR BEST - AT LEAST YOU HAVE MADE A FRIEND

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM FATHER JACK!!!

http://www.fathertedonline.ukf.net/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Father_Ted

THIS IS HOW I LOOK WHEN I SEE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. I'M STILL SINGLE. http://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/records/human_body/extreme_bodies/furthest_eyeball_popper.aspx

JIM MOM NEEDS AN OPERATION BUT DON'T KNOW WHEN YET. COULD BE A LOT WORSE.G

2\12  PC DIED LAST THURSDAY NIGHT - ANOTHER NEW POWER SUPPLY NEEDED - JUST 12 MONTHS AFTER HAVING THE LAST ONE. FINALLY FIXED 7 0'CLOCK SATURDAY. 500W JOBBY THIS TIME.

GREAT TO UNEXPECTEDLY SEE NURSIE'S LONG SUFFERING FATHER IN LAW DASHER ON FRIDAY.

NEARLY SORTED CHRISTMAS OUT AND ALL CARDS WRITTEN.

 THOUGHT WHEN WE HAD TO CANCEL GOLF WEEKEND BEFORE LAST (DETLEF HAD FOWL PEST) THAT WOULD BE IT THIS SIDE OF CHRISTMAS - BUT COURTESY OF LUCA THE PLAN IS TO PLAY NEXT SUNDAY - HOPEFULLY IT WON'T BE A MORNING LIKE THIS MORNING. I SENT A TEXT TO MY GERMAN CHUM SAYING IT WAS JUST AS WELL WE WEREN'T PLAYING TODAY. HE QUICKLY REPLIED YES IT WAS AS AS HE COULD STOP IN AND WATCH THE EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP DRAW OF THE BEST 16 TEAMS IN EUROPE. RISE UP IN YOUR DOZENS WITH YOUR TORCHES AND PITCHFORKS AND ASSAULT DETLEF CASTLE.

LIKE ALL ENGLAND FANS I LOVE THE SCOTS AND CRIED FOR 2 DAYS WHEN THEY FAILED TO QUALIFY MISERABLY - BUT WHAT OF THEIR FEELINGS TOWARDS US?  WHILST WALKING ON THE ROOF EARLIER I RECEIVED AN ANONYMOUS SINISTER EMAIL  FROM JIM G. IT GIVES A WORRYING INSIGHT INTO THE DISTURBED MINDS OF OUR BELOVED NEIGHBOURS - "No.. No... No.... Chris, don't do it....please talk to a social worker, before you.....rip up those Engerlund shirts....remember there's always somone, somewhere, in some sorry situation, in need of a good laugh. Pass them on, and let those poor unfortunates who lack capacity get some small crumb of comfort from the humour contained within !  Explain to them, gently, that they represent an ideology which has long since passed (well, since 1966 at least) and were meant to represent sporting greatness. When you help them back to their feet and are able to supress the infantile, sporadic bursts of giggles, you will recognise in their wee faces that it has worked wonders, and never again will they be depressed or unhappy, for they have become grossly deluded. irrational, and insightless pathetic creatures.  YES !  they have indeed become Engerlund fans, and may the Good Lord have mercy upon their poor wee sad and sorry souls !!           Yours, in denial,  A Sad Sweaty Sockster !!!!!" 

THIS FROM THE PEOPLE WE GAVE GAZZA AND SYPHILIS!!
 

AT LAST THE DUNDERHEADS AT THE FA FINALLY BOW TO THE CEASELESS CAMPAIGNING OF THIS SITE AND REMOVE 'RED ONION' McCLAREN FROM OUR SIGHT.

A £2,500,000 RICHER ONION

NOW I WANT THE HOME INTERNATIONALS ON NEXT SUMMER PLEASE OR WE WILL ALL DIE OF BOREDOM.

MOURINHO FOR MANAGER PLEASE - BUT ONLY IF HE RECOGNISES THE FUTURE SIR DAVID BECKHAM STILL HAS A ROLE TO PLAY FOR HIS COUNTRY.

HI KIDS -BEFORE I'VE TAKEN MY TABLETS I LOVE WATCHING SANTA GLIDE THROUGH THE NIGHT SKY EVEN THOUGH I SOMETIMES WORRY HIS REINDEER ARE A BIT EFFEMINATE

ONCE AGAIN THIS YEAR 'NORAD' WILL BE TRACKING JOLLY OLD SAINT NICK AS HE WENDS HIS MERRY WAY FROM PUB TO PUB ON CHRISTMAS EVE....SORRY THAT'S ME...FROM HOUSE TO HOUSE ON CHRISTMAS EVE BRINGING TOYS TO ALL THE GOOD BOYS AND GIRLS AND A FEW OF THE BORDERLINE CASES.

 http://www.classbrain.com/artholiday/publish/tracking_santa.shtml

A BEWILDERED PETE STILL TRIES TO HUNT DOWN THE OLD FOX DELEF IN THE FATHERLAND - THE WALL ASKS THE OBVIOUS QUESTION

AS A WORRIED GEORGE W. STEPS UP SECURITY MEASURES AGAINST DETLEF'S MASSING BORDER FORCES AND HIS WEAPON OF MASS CONCEPTION

ALAN NOT OUT TILL 5.30 TOMORROW. NURSIE, SULTAN AND BIB IN BRICKS LATER.

WE CAN ONLY PRAY ISRAEL STUFF RUSSIA ON SATURDAY - GETTING NERVOUS ALREADY.

TOM - IF YOU SHOULD VISIT THE SITE - YOUR EMAIL IS DOWN - NEW ADDRESS? CONTACT ME mailto:FanMail@christhedon.com

APOLOGIES FOR DELAY IN AN UPDATE - AT LEAST I'VE MADE A START TONIGHT - MORE TO COME

SCOTLAND PETE WITH LOVELY WOMEN JUST FOR A CHANGE. WHAT A WASTE. SHARE!!

AND JOINING THE THRONGS FORLORNLY WAITING FOR DETLEF TO MAKE HIS LATEST 'LIVING SPACE' SPEECH.

PLAYED GOLF WEEKEND BEFORE LAST WITH THE SULTAN AND THE DETMEISTER - HAD A REALLY GOOD ROUND AT PYPE HAYES AND DEPRESSED THEM BOTH - SCORE 10.5 TO THE DON IN MY ETERNAL STRUGGLE WITH THE INCREDIBLE HUN. NEXT GAME IS THIS SUNDAY AT BOLDMERE WHEN YOUNG LUCA HAS THREATENED TO MAKE AN APPEARANCE. WHEN WILL THE REAL SULTAN SHOW UP???

30\10 DAD'S PUMPKIN 2007

29\10 MOVED A LOT OF ANCIENT HISTORY OVER TO THE PREVIOUS NEWS ARCHIVED EMPORIUM

SPOOKY THINGS HAPPENING WITH THE SITE LATELY - LIKE CHARLOTTE CHURCH'S PIC TURNING UP HERE WHEN IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ON THE THE LADIES PAGE   - MOVED IT BACK NOW. I'LL BE COOKING UP THE OLD HALLOWEEN STEW TOMORROW AND THE BLAIR WITCH WILL BE MAKING AN APPEARANCE AT SOME POINT........ON THE TV HOPEFULLY.

PLACES NOT TO WATCH FILMS  THIS HALLOWEEN

1.BLAIR WITCH - ALONE AT NIGHT IN THE WOODS LISTENING TO DEATH METAL

2. HOSTEL - ANYWHERE IN EUROPE (I DON'T CONSIDER ENGLAND PART OF EUROPE AND IT'S NOT TO BE TRUSTED WHILST BACKPACKING AND LOOKING FOR CHICKS MAN)

3. TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE - ALONE AT NIGHT IN A SLAUGHTERHOUSE - AN EASY MISTAKE TO MAKE

4.FRIDAY 13TH PART BLAH DE BLAH - CRYSTAL LAKE WITH ASSORTED SEMI NAKED TEENS (JUST INCREASED THE HITS ON MY SITE WITH THOSE WELL CHOSEN WORDS)

TERRIBLE NEWS FOR A BEST FRIEND OF MINE, SUE LAST THURSDAY. DEVASTATING. LIFE CAN BE SO GOOD BUT IT CAN ALSO BE SO CRUEL. WHAT A YEAR. THANK GOD SHE HAS SO MANY GOOD FRIENDS TO CARE FOR HER OF WHICH I COUNT MYSELF SO LUCKY TO BE ONE x

24\10 GREAT WIN BY UNITED LAST NIGHT AND EVEN ARSE - NAL STRUGGLED THROUGH. LOOKING GOOD FOR WALCOTT'S ENGLAND FUTURE.

FORGOT TO MENTION - LAST TIME WE PLAYED GOLF BEAT DETLEF AND THE SULTAN - DETLEF BEING BY 4 SHOTS TO CARRY OVER TO THE NEXT GAME - SCORE 8.5 TO THE DON. BELIEVE THE SULTAN HAD A GOOD ROUND AGAINST HIS LITTLE COUSIN LUCALAST WEEKEND IN MY ABSENCE THOUGH SO I'M SURE HE WILL PUT ME IN MY PLACE NEXT TIME OUT - WEEKEND AFTER NEXT.

WE ALL KNOW DETLEF IS THE BEST THING TO COME OUT OF GERMANY SINCE THE V2 ROCKET - BUT HERE'S THE SECOND BEST - BLIND GUARDIAN - WITH THEIR CLASSIC RENDITION OF 'LORD OF THE RINGS' (THIS IS THE BEST VERSION BY THIS POWER METAL\SPEED METAL BAND\) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMqozfGT9pM

ABOUT BLIND GUARDIAN - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blind_Guardian

 http://wc10.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=11:wbfrxqthld6e~T1

 ADDED ALEXA CHUNG TO THE BABES PAGE    THE LADIES PAGE 

23\10 SAW HOSTEL 2 YESTERDAY - THINK IT'S THE SICKEST FILM I'VE SEEN SO FAR (ALTHOUGH I LASTED TO THE END, MOSTLY WATCHING THE SCREEN). THIS FILM EVEN PROMPTED PETE IN SCOTLAND (WHO USED TO MAKE GREEN CUSTARD) TO SAY 'SICK BASTARDS'! BE WARNED.

PERSONALLY I PREFER THE 'SAW' FILMS - THEY ARE FAR MORE COSY.

BEWARE THE IDES OF OCTOBER!

ET TU LEWIS! WHAT A DISASTROUS WEEK FOR BRITISH SPORT.

BUT PERHAPS THE FAULT LIES "NOT IN OUR STARS BUT IN OURSELVES".

LATEST ON THE SPIELBERG\JACKSON TINTIN FILM    Tintin (film) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

FRIGHTENING HOW MANY PROGRAMS THE BBC HAVE THROWN AWAY OVER THE YEARS AND WE NOW HAVE TO RELY ON TURNING UP IN SOME NORWEGIAN HERRING FISHERMAN'S LOFT. http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/treasurehunt/

ROONEY IS A DEITY - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TH2MoMVF-YY

IN BETTER TIMES I WOULD HAVE BEEN FOR MY OCTOBER VISIT TO EDINBURGH BY NOW. LOOKING THROUGH YOUTUBE I REALISED I CAN AT LEAST STILL LOOK AT SOME OF MY FAVOURITE HAUNTS THERE:

THE WORLD FAMOUS 'FRANKENSTEINS' - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0R9Ol1_7JSw

THE 'JOLLY JUDGE' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSmuGlImi0c

THE BRAID HILLS GOLF COURSE - 16 OVER BEING MY BEST THERE - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8TQnC6w6_Y

EDINBURGH ITSELF (INCLUDING DEACON BRODIE'S TAVERN) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SX3TybdDLhI

I INTEND TO RETURN BEFORE I DIE.

21\10 HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOUNG LUCA. SORRY ABOUT THE VILLA YESTERDAY!

GREAT AFTERNOON\EVENING FRIDAY - GREAT TO SEE EVERTON AL, GOALIE AND A RARE APPEARANCE BY 'PAUL THE MAN' H. (THE H SHOULD STAND FOR HERO IN HIS CASE) - AND 'THE HAT' ALSO MADE A HIGHLY ENTERTAINING APPEARANCE BEFORE BEING THREATENED WITH A BROKEN JAW BY BAR STAFF. SAW DAVE (ACTION MAN), TONY Q. AND KEITH W. LATER - WHICH WAS GREAT BUT UNFORTUNATELY RUGBY IS VERY MUCH KEITH'S GAME AND HE CORRECTLY PREDICTED SATURDAY'S LOSS SO I WASN'T SURPRISED. GOOD OLD VIDEO REPLAYS EH? D'OH!!!!! WE COULD HAVE USED ONE FOR THAT CLOWNISH PENALTY DECISION AGAINST THE RUSSKIES THOUGH - WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO LOOK AT THAT 12 TIMES...

TRUTH BE TOLD I WOULD SOONER HAVE BEATEN RUSSIA THAN WON THE RUGBY WORLD CUP SO IT'S BEEN A DEPRESSING FEW DAYS SPORTS WISE DESPITE UNITEDS WIN AGAINST THE VILLA YESTERDAY. HOPEFULLY MR HAMILTON WILL GVE US SOMETHING TO CHEER LATER IN THE RACING.

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY OF ALL - AS NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN 'LA FAMIGLIA' - THE FAMILY (AS YOU WILL ALL REALISE WITH YOUR DYING GASPS) - IT WAS MY MOM'S BIRTHDAY ON SATURDAY. SHE SHARES THE DAY WITH NANA MOUSKOURI (THINK THAT'S GOT AUBERGINES IN IT), BARONESS 'MAD MAGGIE' THATCHER, PAUL SIMON AND SACHA BARON COHEN (ALL 3 OF THEM).

GETTING A BIT NERVOUS ABOUT THE ENGLAND RUSSIA GAME TOMORROW - REMEMBER KICK OFF IS AT 4PM SO BE SURE TO LEAVE WORK EARLY. I'M PLANNING TO FORGO GOLF THIS WEEKEND (OPTIMISTICALLY BARBECUING THEN INSTEAD) AND GO OUT AND WATCH THE LADS TOMORROW  AS SICKENINGLY OUR NATIONAL TEAM PLAYING OUR NATIONAL SPORT CAN ONLY BE SEEN ON SKY AGAIN.

COME ON ENGLAND!! I PREDICT A 4.1 WIN AND BIZARRELY IT WILL BE ONE OF THE IVANS INJURED ON THEIR OWN TOY PITCH.

NURSIE HAS POINTED OUT THAT APPARENTLY THERE IS SOME SORT OF 'RUGBY' GAME ON ON SATURDAY - PRESUMABLY WITH SOME SORT OF TROPHY AT THE END OF IT.

RUGBY - 'A RUFFIANS GAME PLAYED BY GENTLEMEN'

TRUST ME IF WE WIN THIS SITE WILL RECOGNISE IT - I'D EVEN SUPPORT ENGLAND AT CRICKET IF WE STILL HAD A TEAM. ALSO - SOUTH AFRICANS AREN'T EXACTLY SELF EFFACING ARE THEY? SOD IT! COME ON ENGLAND!!! COME ON WILL CARLING AND THE LADS!!!!!

TYPICAL RUGBY FOLLOWERS

HEARD OFF STEVE ROGERS LAST WEEK - HE HAD BEEN TO A 'DAMNED' CONCERT WITH HIS DAUGHTER - WAY TO MAKE ME FEEL EVEN OLDER DODGE!!

WHAT DID WE ALL DO BEFORE WE HAD THE AMAZING SPIDER - PIG? WHAT WOULD OUR WORLD BE WITHOUT HEROES?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1R828rFd2aI

I'M ENJOYING THE 19TH SEASON OF THE SIMPSONS AS MUCH AS EVER - I ACTUALLY THOUGHT THE PENULTIMATE EPISODE OF THE LAST SEASON WITH THE SKIT ON '24' WAS RIGHT UP THERE WITH THE BEST EVER. ON A BAD NIGHT IT'S STILL SUPERB. UNFORTUNATELY THIS YEARS HALLOWEEN EPISODE - 'TREEHOUSE OF HORROR 18' ONCE AGAIN WON'T BE TRANSMITTED TILL NOVEMBER - 4TH IN THIS CASE.

SPEAKING OF WHICH - FINALLY FINISHED WATCHING THE FIRST SERIES OF 'HEROES' - ACE! LOOKING FORWARD TO SEASON 2. HALF WAY THROUGH FIRST SEASON OF 'DEXTER' TOO - WHICH IS NOW AVAILABLE IN THE UK ON 'FX' CHANNEL I'M TOLD BY AFFLUENT SKY FOLK. GREAT FOR ALL LOVERS OF SERIAL KILLERS EVERYWHERE (AND FOR THOSE WHO LIKE INTELLIGENTLY WRITTEN DRAMA SERIES'  WITH A TONGUE IN CHEEK SENSE OF HUMOUR). MANY THANKS TO GENIAL MAN MOUNTAIN LUCA FOR PUTTING ME ON TO THIS ONE. LUCA - ONE SHY SENSITIVE GUY WITH AN AXE. AND WITH A BIRTHDAY COMING UP.....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dexter_(TV_series)

A C MILAN GOALKEEPER TO APPEAL AGAINST BAN - http://www.ireland.com/sports/soccer/2007/1015/1192452537235.html - WILL HE TURN UP TO THE APPEAL IN AN IRON LUNG???

A COUPLE OF REASONS WHY I WOULD LIKE TO SEE GMTV'S KATE GARRAWAY REMAIN IN 'CELEBRITY COME DANCING'

GOLF - NICK FALDO'S GB TEAM BEAT EUROPE YESTERDAY 16.5 - 11.5 IN THE SEVE TROPHY. CAN IT BE MUCH LONGER BEFORE THIS GIANT OF THE GAME IS KNIGHTED?

CONGRATULATIONS TO SCOTTISH PETE - AS HE EMAILED EARLIER IN THE WEEK -  "By the way, I passed my final exams on Friday and I am now a qualified teacher. I can start lecturing at Edinburgh University. I said lecturing !!!!!" I HAVE SO MANY INTELLIGENT FRIENDS AND THE SULTAN.

NVQ JOKE

                                           What is the best weight for an External Verifier?


About 500grm including the urn.

30\9 - BEATEN BY 2 SHOTS AT GOLF AT PYPE HAYES BY THE INCREDIBLE HUN  LAST WEEK - SCORE 7-5 TO ME - GETTING CLOSE! THE COUSINS COULDN'T MAKE IT - BUT HOPEFULLY WILL MAKE NEXT SUNDAYS TITANIC TUSSLE AT BOLDMERE. I THINK I MAY NEED TO WORK ON MY PUTTING AS I 3 PUTTED 10 TIMES LAST WEEK. (THAT ISN'T GOOD).

UNITED RIGHTLY GOT THRASHED BY COVENTRY IN THE WEEK BUT CAME BACK WITH A 1.0 WIN OVER THE BLUE NOSES YESTERDAY. WE WILL BE DANGEROUS WHEN WE START TO PLAY WELL.

GREAT TO SEE DASHER (FATHER OF THE MOST GLAMOROUS NURSE IN  THE UK) AND TONY Q (OF THE WORLD FAMOUS WASHBOARD SYNCOPATORS) FRIDAY NIGHT. IT WAS LIKE OLD TIMES BUT I CONTINUE TO MISS THE LITTLETON AND IT'S STRANGE CLIENTELE OF FREAKS, DESPOTS, JUGGLERS, ALCOHOLICS, ALCOHOLIC DESPOTS, AND WELL KNOWN LOCAL BUSINESSMEN. BUT I STILL HAVE NURSIE.

ENJOYED IMMENSELY 'JONATHAN ROSS IN SEARCH OF STEVE DITKO' LAST NIGHT. THIS IS MY FAVOURITE DITKO ART.

”I’m in New York, standing outside the office of my greatest hero. I know he’s inside because I called ahead and spoke to the great man. Now in his 80s, he was polite but firm. “Don’t come by,” he said. “I’m too busy. I don’t have anything to say to you. But thank you.” I have decided, perhaps unwisely and rudely, to ignore him. I need to know! So there I stand, on the final days of shooting my love-letter to and investigation into the strange life and work of the great Steve Ditko. And my hero has told me not to knock. But I owe it to comic fans the world over who want to hear, at last, from Ditko himself. I owe it the BBC, who have kindly allowed me to take a crew over to New York to see this thing through. Perhaps most importantly, I owe it to my 14-year-old self. So, of course, I knock … ‘  - JONATHAN ROSS.

A TV NOSTALGIA SITE I'D SOMEHOW MISSED http://tv.cream.org/

A

THE DEBSTER WAS ON TV THIS AM - SHE'LL ALWAYS LOOK LIKE THIS TO ME - FLOCK OUT AND BUY HER NEW ALBUM IN YOUR DROVES. PHOTO BY ANDY WARHOL.

I'D NOT GOT ROUND TO WATCHING 'HEROES' ALTHOUGH I KNEW I SHOULD LIKE IT, BUT SAW THE FIRST 6 EPISODES LAST NIGHT AND I'M COMPLETELY SOLD. LOOKING FORWARD TO THE NEXT 3 TONIGHT.

NOT A BAD WEEK REALLY - ENGLAND PRODUCED ANOTHER GREAT VICTORY AGAINST RUSSIA, UNITED CRUSHED EVERTON YESTERDAY AND (RARELY) GOT SEVERAL PEOPLE FROM THE OLD CROWD TOGETHER ON FRIDAY (PLUS THE SULTAN'S GENIUS BROTHER TONY) BUT IT MUST ALL PALE IN THE LIGHT OF THE WELSH DON'S JOY OVER HIS LATEST MOTORBIKE.

A WELCOME CHANGE FROM RIDING SHEEP AND WHAT A BEAUTY - AND NEVER ANSWERS BACK.

THE NEXT GOLF MASTER CLASS WILL BE HELD AT PYPE HAYES NEXT SUNDAY.

10\9 MANY CONGRATULATIONS ON THE QUIET WEDDING RYAN! YOU ARE A CLASS ACT!

I WAS SORRY TO HEAR THE VERY SAD NEWS ABOUT PEGGY'S BROTHER

10\9 LUCKY FOR THE ISRAELIS HARGREAVES DIDN'T PLAY THEN! ENJOYED WATCHING THE MATCH IN THE FOUNTAIN WITH ALAN OF ACCOUNTANCY FAME. GREAT GREAT GOAL BY MICHAEL OWEN! BRING ON THE RUSSKIES! IT'S GOING TO BE TERRIBLE IVAN!

AND...FINALLY PLAYED GOLF AT BOLDMERE EARLIER ON SATURDAY - FIRST GAME SINCE 4TH JUNE. I WAS 14 OVER, DETTY WAS 15 OVER AND THE SULTAN 21 OVER (A 10 ON ONE HOLE DIDN'T HELP - OR THE FACT HE HAD BEEN UP MOST OF THE NIGHT EATING SEA FOOD). THE SULTAN BROUGHT A HORDE OF SUPPORTER WITH HIM TO WATCH. CONGRATULATIONS TO TINA FOR NOT DYING OF BOREDOM BEFORE THE END. I THINK TINA WAS IMPRESSED WITH THE SIZE OF DETLEF'S PANZERFAUST THOUGH AS ARE WE ALL. NEXT GAME WILL HOPEFULLY BE A WEEK ON SUNDAY AT PYPE HAYES WHEN THE GROUND WILL SHAKE AS THE MIGHTY LUCA  MAKES A REAPPEARANCE AND WE CAN EXPECT AN ALMIGHTY MOTHER OF ALL BACKLASHES FROM THE ONE AND ONLY SULTAN OF SWANG!!

'MITZI' DETLEF'S ATTACK DOG AND PERSONAL BATMAN HANDS HIM HIS DRIVER ON THE 90 YARD 17TH.

SCORE 7.3 IN MY PERSONAL BATTLE WITH THE HUNSTER.

THE THOUGHT OF NO INTERNATIONAL FOOTBALL NEXT SEASON TOTALLY OUTWEIGHS ANY DESIRE I HAVE TO SEE THE BACK OF 'RED ONION' STEVE McCLAREN.

COME ON ENGLAND!!!! COME ON OWEN!! (BOTH OF 'EM!!!)

LOOKING GOOD FOR GOLF SATURDAY - NO PAIN AT ALL FROM BACK NOW.

NURSIE SMOKING AGAIN SHOCK!

WHY DO PEOPLE WHO QUIT RESTART? - http://web4health.info/en/answers/add-smoking-restart.htm

SAW PHIL THE HAT YESTERDAY - HE IS STILL PONDERING OVER HIS INJURIES AND CONVINCED THEY OCURRED IN HIS FLAT BY FALLING OUT OF HIS CHAIR - WITH INJURIES TO HIS FACE AND BACK HE MUST HAVE DONE SOME SORT OF TWIST SUMMERSAULT WITH FULL PIKE.

TV NOSTALGIA (ROBINSON CRUSOE)-  http://www.davidsemporium.co.uk/_SIXTEEN.html

ADDED SOME MORE TV LINKS RIGHT AT BOTTOM OF PAGE

BAD DIAGNOSIS

http://www.people.co.uk/news/tm_headline=dead-wrong&method=full&objectid=19053322&siteid=93463-name_page.html

30\8 UNITED HAVE ROMA, SPORTING LISBON AND DYNAMO KIEV IN CHAMPIONS LEAGUE DRAW.

I THINK 'PHONEJACKER' IS EXCELLENT. AN EXAMPLE ON LINK BELOW.

HEART WARMING TO SEE EVERTON AND LIVERPOOL SUPPORTERS UNITING IN THEIR SUPPORT FOR TRAGIC SHOOTING VICTIM RHYS' PARENTS.

A SAD DAY YESTERDAY TO SEE UNITED LEGEND AND PRETTY MUCH UNIVERSALLY LOVED (EXCEPT FOR BY SOL CAMPBELL) OLE GUNNAR SOLSKJAER CALL TIME ON HIS MAGNIFICENT CAREER.

A GOOD BANK HOLIDAY WEEKEND ALL TOLD  - UNITED GOT BACK TO WINNING WAYS IN THE MATCH THEY LOOKED LEAST LIKELY TO WIN OF ALL THE GAMES THUS FAR AND DAVID E. THE WELSH DON MADE IT OUT SATURDAY FOR OUR FIRST DRINK SINCE THE HISTORIC CHRISTMAS EVE BASH. SAW A FEW FRIENDS OLD AND NEW INCLUDING THE WORLD FAMOUS PHIL THE HAT, THE BIG YIN, SHOULDERS AND LITTLE GENTLEMAN JOHN AND MY BACK HAS IMPROVED TO THE EXTENT AN ACTUAL GAME OF GOLF SEEMS A CERTAINTY (SATURDAY 8TH SEPTEMBER) SAW PHIL SATURDAY AND MONDAY. ON SATURDAY HE ENTERED THE TEA ROOMS WITH A BRUISED FACE AND A FOREHEAD HEAVILY BLEEDING (STAFF IMMEDIATELY GIVING HIM A PLASTER FOR HIS WOUND. ON ENQUIRY HE INFORMED ME THAT HE HAD GONE TO SLEEP IN THE CHAIR AND WOKE UP LIKE IT......HE LATER SURMISED THAT HE MAY HAVE FALLEN HEAD FIRST OUT OF THE CHAIR AT SOME POINT DURING THE EVENING...PRESUMABLY THRUST BY SOME INVISIBLE FORCE OR THE PARK STREET POLTERGEIST - A THEORY I'M AFRAID I SUMMARILY BLEW OUT OF THE PROVERBIAL WATER AS I POINTED OUT THE HEAVY SCRAPE MARKS UNDERNEATH HIS LEFT ARMPIT LOOKING AS IF HE HAD BEEN DRAGGED UP A GRAVEL PATH BY A TEAM OF WILD HORSES - OR AS WE SAY 'OSSES'. ON MONDAY HE WAS MORE INCLINED TO GO WITH THE THEORY OF EYE WITNESSES - THAT HE'D FALLEN OVER IN THE PUB.

A VERY GOOD X-FILES SITE AND WITH NEWS ON THE FEVERISHLY AWAITED FILM!

http://www.xfroadrunners.com/

LOOKS LIKE IT'S SHAPING UP FOR A NICE BANK HOLIDAY FOR A CHANGE. I ENJOYED THE BLOXWICH CARNIVAL TRIP SO MUCH I MAY EVEN DO THAT AGAIN MONDAY - ALTHOUGH IT'S PROBABLY EXPECTING A BIT TOO MUCH FOR THEM TO RUN THE CARNIVAL AGAIN?

24\8\07 WENT TO THE DENTISTS THIS MORNING - MINE IS LIKE THE BASIL FAWLTY OF DENTISTRY - IT'S A CASE OF - "TILT YOUR HEAD SLIGHTLY IF YOU'D BE SO VERY KIND!!" LOVE IT.

MOVED A BOATLOAD OF STUFF TO

PREVIOUS NEWS ARCHIVED

BIRMINGHAM BY THE SEA (WELL FOUNTAIN ANYWAY)

WENT OVER TO THE ART GALLERY TUESDAY AND TOOK THIS PIC OF THE AREA OUTSIDE THE GALLERY WHERE THEY HAVE MADE A MAKE-SHIFT BEACH.

I STILL FIND THAT LIFE-SIZE SCULPTURE IN WOOD 'A MAN AND HIS SHEEP' (DAVE COMES TO MIND) DEEPLY DISTURBING AND WOULD NOT LIKE TO BE LOCKED IN A ROOM WITH IT OVERNIGHT (DAVE COMES TO MIND). BUT I BELIEVE ART CAN BE ANYTHING THAT PROVOKES A REACTION FROM YOU - AND I KNOW SOME ARTISTS BELIEVE ME!

THIS IS THE SCULPTURE - BUT AS I SAY IT IS LIFE-SIZE AND THE PHOTO CANNOT CONVEY THE EERINESS OF IT.

LINK BELOW ABOUT THE ARTIST.

http://www.tate.org.uk/servlet/ArtistWorks?cgroupid=999999961&artistid=2389&page=1&sole=y&collab=y&attr=y&sort=default&tabview=bio

MY FAVOURITE PAINTING IN THE GALLERY REMAINS (BORINGLY TRADITIONAL I'M AFRAID) COLONIA'S 'ANGEL APPEARING TO THE SHEPHERDS'

23\7\07 CONGRATULATIONS TO MY NEPHEW MATTHEW ON DOING WELL WITH HIS GCSEs. WE MUST SHARE GENES.

23/7 SAD TO SEE 'TIGER TIM' RETIRE - AT LEAST HE GAVE US SOME SORT OF HOPE EVERY SUMMER THAT WE COULD ACTUALLY WIN SOMETHING. HE NEVER QUITE MADE IT BUT WAS OUR BEST PLAYER FOR 60 YEARS AND AT ONE POINT WAS THE 4TH BEST PLAYER ON THE PLANET, NO MEAN ACHIEVEMENT. SPENT MANY AN EVENING AFTER WORK IN DEAR OLD MILLIGANS WATCHING HIM PLAY - ALWAYS GOOD ENTERTAINMENT - WHICH IS MORE THAN YOU CAN SAY FOR THE ENGLAND TEAM.

CAN'T BELIEVE SOME IMBECILES THINK THAT THE ANSWER TO ENGLAND'S PROBLEMS IS CALAMITY JAMES. HE SEEMS A DECENT ENOUGH CHAP BUT THE FACT REMAINS HE HAS LET US DOWN CONSISTENTLY IN THE PAST AND DESPITE HIS BEST INTENTIONS WOULD DO SO AGAIN. HE HAS HAD ENOUGH CHANCES. HE IS NOT A BIG MATCH PLAYER. HE IS SPASMODICALLY BRILLIANT THOUGH.

I WAS IN SHOCK FOR MOST OF THE MATCH AFTER FAT FRANK SCORED. THINK HE WAS TOO.

MICAH RICHARDS - IMPRESSIVE OR WHAT!!

DETLEF INFORMS ME THAT AFTER LAST NIGHTS TRAGIC RESULT WEMBLEY IS NOW GERMAN PROPERTY.

I SUPPOSE YOU HAVE TO HAND IT TO THE GITS.

'SCHADENFREUDE' - PLEASURE TAKEN FROM SOMEONE ELSE'S MISFORTUNE.

HOPEFULLY MY BACK WILL BE BETTER IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS AND I CAN STUFF HIM.

14\8 NOT BEEN ONLINE FOR A WHILE - SPRAINED MY BACK SO I'VE BEEN LAID UP. UNFORTUNATELY I'VE ALSO GOT COMPUTER PROBLEMS WHICH WILL MEAN A REFORMAT, BUT HAD TO POP ON JUST TO SAY 'HAPPY 53RD WEDDING ANNIVERSARY TODAY TO MOM AND DAD. YOU WOULD NOT GET THAT FOR MULTIPLE HOMICIDE - BUT THEY STILL HOLD HANDS BLESS 'EM!

'BEAST OF DARTMOOR' EXPOSED?

http://www.forteantimes.com/strangedays/cryptozoology/546/dartmoor_mystery_beast.html

 http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=472909&in_page_id=1770

STONEHENGE LIVE WEBCAM http://www.somewheretogo.co.uk/stonehenge-webcam.html

'

ONCE I SAW LAMPARD AND WRIGHT-PHILLIPS WERE AMONGST THE CHELSEA PENALTY TAKERS YESTERDAY I KNEW HE HAD IT WON. I CORRECTLY PREDICTED THE 4.1 WIN. CHAMPIONS LEAGUE THIS YEAR.

BIT WORRIED ABOUT THESE FIRES IN CROATIA UNLESS THE HUN HAS BEEN DROPPING HIS ROLL UPS EVERYWHERE.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/international/story/0,,2142579,00.html

6\8 MANY THANKS TO PETE FOR A GREAT TIME ON SATURDAY AT THE CARNIVAL AND BEYOND. TINKY'S WAS AS EVER AND THE BEER WAS TOP NOTCH, WHEN I WENT IN WITH RETIRED WELSH DON DAVE E. A COUPLE OF CARNIVALS AGO I WAS TOLD OFF FOR SMOKING AT THE BAR AND SENT OVER TO THE FRONT OF THE ROOM. WHEN I WENT LAST YEAR THERE WAS NO SMOKING AT ALL INSIDE THE PUB (PRE - BAN) AND WAS SENT OUTSIDE. THIS YEAR I THOUGHT I'D GOT IT SUSSED AND COULDN'T PUT A FOOT WRONG BUT I WAS CORDIALLY REMINDED IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE TO TAKE PHOTOS INSIDE THE PUB (MY CAMERA PHONE WAS LYING ON THE TABLE). BUT I'LL BE THERE AGAIN NEXT YEAR!

http://freespace.virgin.net/altair.4/turf.htm

WENT IN THE MEMORIAL CLUB AS WELL - ALWAYS NICE TO SNEAK IN THERE. IN WALSALL WE MANAGED TO GET ROUND MOST OF THE PUBS PETE USED TO USE THAT WE HAVEN'T COVERED ON PREVIOUS VISITS. EVEN THE ILLUSTRIOUS PHIL THE HAT MADE A CAMEO APPEARANCE. PHIL TOLD ONE OF THE BARMAIDS HOW HE HAD BEEN PULLED OUT, STILL SMOULDERING, FROM THE BIG FIRE IN WALSALL BY 6 FIREMEN AND RESUSCITATED. SADLY AS HE ADMITTED THIS STORY HAD NO BASIS IN FACT WHATSOEVER.

FACT -  THE HAT ACTUALLY LIT HIS PIPE. IT'S NOT JUST A FASHION ACCESSORY.

FACT - IN BETWEEN DRINKING THE FLOWER BOWL PETE CONFIRMED MY DIAGNOSIS THAT THE BOMBAY MIX IN THE BUTTS IS THE MOST SPICY KNOWN TO MAN.

 FACT - THE HATHERTON HAD REOPENED ALREADY - BUT ONE ROOM ONLY AS THEY REDECORATE.

FACT - I ARRIVED THERE CHAUFFEURED BY 'LITTLE JOHN' - 106 YEARS OLD AND STILL DRIVES BETTER THAN ME.

FACT - THE SULTAN HOPEFULLY GOT OFF OK AT THE WEEKEND. IN EVERY SENSE.

30\7 ON A SERIOUS NOTE 'PAUL THE MAN' H. IS HAVING A TERRIBLE TIME AT THE MOMENT- VERY SORRY TO FIND OUT TODAY AND BEST WISHES AND PRAYERS GO OUT TO HIM.

ROB M. 'FRIEND TO THE STARS' SENT ME A TEXT FRIDAY SAYING HE WAS SOMEWHERE IN 'UMBRIA'. LUCA AND I THOUGHT HE'D MISSED THE 'C' OFF CUMBRIA - BUT APPARENTLY IT'S IN ITALY. D'OH!!!

THE DON HAS OF COURSE BEEN WATCHING MAN UTD'S HIGHLY SUCESSFUL TOUR IN THE FAR EAST AND WAS PARTICULARLY IMPRESSED WITH NANI'S EXQUISITE CHIP IN THE 3.0 WIN AGAINST THE VILLAGE FAMOUS  GUANGZHOU PHARMACEUTICAL ON FRIDAY. I FEEL THIS SEASON IS FINALLY GOING TO BE A SUCCESSFUL ONE.

BREAKING EWES

DAVE E. IS MOVING MANSIONS THIS WEEKEND - BEST OF LUCK WITH THAT. THE VILLAGERS WILL BE SAD AT THE LOSS OF THEIR NO-TAIL. THE SHEEP WILL NO DOUBT KEEP 'THEIR LITTLE SECRET'.

LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING THE SIMPSONS MOVIE - HEARD NO BAD REPORTS YET - MIND YOU, DON'T CARE IF I DO..

NO GOLF AGAIN THIS WEEKEND - SULTAN ON THE RAZ AND LUCA IS OFF TO WATCH EITHER TRANSFORMERS OR THE SIMPSONS. SO FAR ITS LOOKING A SHAME AS IT'S YET TO RAIN. DETLEF IS STILL ANNEXING CROATIA. AS WE SPEAK HIS FLAG FLIES ABOVE IT'S CAPITAL ZAGREB AND WAGNER'S 'RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES'  PLAYS ON ITS PARLAPHONE SOUND SYSTEM. THE PEASANTS DANCE - OH HOW THEY DANCE IN THE SIGHTS OF DETLEF'S PANZERFAUST.

DETLEF GIVES DANCING LESSONS

A MAP OF CROATIA (OR AS IT IS KNOWN NOW - 'GERMANY') CLEARLY SHOWING IT'S BORDERS PRIOR TO DETLEF'S INVASION.

A HUMBLE CROATIAN PEASANT SIMILAR TO THE ONES BEING SUBJUGATED BY DETLEF IN AN UNFEELING FASHION.

SULTAN OFF TO EDINBURGH SHORTLY - I'VE GIVEN HIM A LIST OF PUBS TO POP IN BUT SOMEHOW I THINK HE WILL BE OTHERWISE ENGAGED.

28\7 - GREAT TO SEE DEB AND GEORGE, TOM AND GYPSY CHRIS LAST WEDNESDAY AND GREAT TO SEE LUCA FOR A PINT YESTERDAY AND EVEN MANAGE TO DRAG ALAN UP THE BUTTS FOR A CHANGE. NOT OUT NEXT FRIDAY AS IT'S BLOXWICH CARNIVAL ON THE SATURDAY AND SCOTTISH PETE AND I WILL BE TAKING A TRIP BACK IN TIME STARTING WITH  BLOXWICH'S MOST HISTORIC WATERING HOLE. 12.30 IS THE MEET. ALL WELCOME. WALSALL AFTERWARDS. IT'S GOING TO BE A CLASSIC OR  AT LEAST MILDLY PLEASANT.

23\7\07 HAPPY BIRTHDAY WELSH DON DAVID E.!!!!!!

THE CHOICE IS YOURS.

DISCUSSION ON THE BUS CRASH http://www.expressandstar.co.uk/2007/07/10/bus-driver-tried-to-miss-cafe/

10\7 BACK TO THE NORMAL FRIDAY SOIRÉE THIS WEEK - HOPING TO SEE ALAN AND LUCA EARLY ON. BELIEVE GOALIE IS IN MALTA BUT I'VE ALSO INVITED PAUL THE MAN. THE ELDERS MAY MAKE AN APPEARANCE LATER ON. AS FOR THE SULTAN - OR AS SCOTTISH PETE CALLS HIM 'THE LOVELY SORCERER' - WHO KNOWS!

HOPING FOR GOLF FOR THE FIRST TIME IN WEEKS THIS SUNDAY WITH THE AMAZING GOLFING COUSINS - BUT DETLEF ISN'T SURE HE CAN MAKE IT - SHAME IF HE CAN'T AS HE IS UNAVAILABLE THE NEXT 5 WEEKS AFTERWARDS (MANOEUVRES IN THE ARDENNES AND CHECKING ON THE BOYS IN BRAZIL)  I'M GOING TO WIN WITHOUT TAKING ANOTHER SHOT AT THIS RATE.

ROB M. FRIEND TO THE STARS AND HIS BOSS HAVE JUST DONE AN INTERNET VIDEO FOR SIR PAUL FOR ONE OF THE TRACKS OFF HIS NEW ALBUM 'MEMORY ALMOST FULL' - THE TRACK IN QUESTION BEING 'NOD YOUR HEAD'

9\7 SAW THE WORLD FAMOUS EX- REFEREE AND FREQUENT 'TALKSPORT' CALLER 'OLLIE' IN WALSALL THIS MORNING NEAR THE SCENE OF THE CRASH. HE SAID 'I WOULDN'T GO DOWN THAT WAY UNLESS YOU ARE ON FOOT'. AS I POINTED OUT TO HIM - I WAS????

GREAT PELSALL CARNIVAL DAY SATURDAY ALTHOUGH I WASN'T OVER THERE LONG - POPPED IN RAILWAY AND OLD BUSH. USUAL HOUR WAIT FOR A BUS OWING TO THE CARNIVAL PROCESSION BUT A GREAT CAMARADERIE AMONGST US SARDINES WHEN THE BUS FINALLY CAME - HATS OFF TO THE DRIVER FOR PICKING US ALL UP. SAW THE NURSE BRIEFLY IN WALSALL FOLLOWED BY JIM G. SAW 'GYPSY CHRIS' AND SOME GIRL WHO USED TO SERVE IN THE LITTLETON WHO'S NAME I'VE FORGOTTEN IN THE MINERS IN RUSHALL LATER ON ALTHOUGH I DON'T THINK I WAS MAKING MUCH SENSE. STILL - DID THE WHOLE DAY ON 8 AND A HALF FAGS SO THAT WAS A PLUS.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIM G FOR LAST SUNDAY THE 8TH!!!!!! JIM IS 67.

WALSALL BUS STATION HORROR SMASH

NOTE TOURQOISE 'ARRIVA' BUS FACING WRONG WAY DOWN ONE WAY SYSTEM.

8\7 ON A LIGHTER NOTE - CONGRATULATIONS BIB ON BECOMING A GRANDAD YET AGAIN!!!!!! THE MIGHTY BIB DYNASTY MARCHES ON.

5\7 THE BUS I WAS ON ACTUALLY FOLLOWED 'THE DOOG' DEREK DOUGAN'S FUNERAL CARS TODAY. I LAST SAW HIM IN THE LYNDEN HOUSE 0N AN AFTERNOON IN 2004 I BELIEVE.

5\7 PEACE STILL RAINS OVER WALSALL WHILE MARK THE NURSE IS AT PONTINS - OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. LAST SATURDAY'S DEATH OF FREEDOM / HUMAN RIGHTS / SMOKING DAY TURNED OUT VERY NICELY - GREAT TO SEE SCOTTISH PETE AND IAN MADE AN APPEARANCE -ALSO SAW THE SULTAN AND MARK THE NURSE. JIM G. HOOKED UP LATER AND I EVENTUALLY LEFT HIM TO MEET UP THE NURSE AND HIS CHILD BRIDE AS PART OF HER EXTRAVAGANT BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS LATER. SPEAKING OF WHICH........PETE WILL BE OUT AND ABOUT IN WALSALL AGAIN ON 4TH AUGUST (ALSO BLOXWICH CARNIVAL). SADLY HE INFORMS ME HE INTENDS TO MOVE TO BULL BAITING SPAIN IN 2009. GOD KNOWS WHY - I WOULDN'T GO THERE ON A BET. SO DAVE E. HAS MOVED TO WALES, PETE HAD MOVED TO SCOTLAND AND NOW IS GOING TO SPAIN AND DETLEF IS DESPERATE TO GET BACK TO HUN LAND.  THIS IS ALL SINCE I CHANGED MY BRAND OF LYNX. ME - I'M GOING BACK TO 'AFRICA'.

NOT OUT FRIDAY AS IT'S PELSALL CARNIVAL THIS SATURDAY AND I WILL BE MAKING A BRIEF GUEST APPEARANCE BEFORE MOVING ON TO TOWN AFTERWARDS.

A DISTRESSED REDCOAT FLEES BUTLINS MOMENTS AFTER THE NURSE'S ARRIVAL.

ENJOYED THE DIANA CONCERT - EVEN THE GODDESS GILLIAN AND ROB M'S PHOTOGRAPHER BOSS MADE AN APPEARANCE.

EXCUSE TO SHOW A PIC OF GILLIAN LOOKING 'CUTE'

3\7 - 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY LONG SUFFERING DAD!!!'

A CAKE SIMILAR TO THE TESCO ONE HE HAD

6 TEAMS OF FIREMEN STOOD BY TO PUT OUT ANY FIRE ARISING FROM THE LARGE NUMBER OF CANDLES

29\6 - APOLOGIES FOR LACK OF UPDATES RECENTLY - A LOTS BEEN GOING ON. WELL - THE GOLF DIDN'T HAPPEN THE LAST TWICE OWING TO THE TYPHOONS AND IT WILL NOW BE 2 WEEKS BEFORE I CAN PLAY AGAIN. BUT ON THE POSITIVE SIDE - IT MEANS I DIDN'T LOSE.

I WON'T BE HOLDING COURT TODAY AS PETE D. IS DOWN FROM EDINBURGH FOR THE WEEKEND AND WE WILL BE HITTING THE MEAN STREETS TOMORROW AND I AM WELL UP FOR IT. ALL INVITED. SAME THING WILL HAPPEN NEXT WEEK AS IT IS TIME FOR MY ANNUAL PILGRIMAGE TO THE WORLD FAMOUS PELSALL CARNIVAL ON THE SATURDAY - BUT I WILL BE AROUND WALSALL AFTERWARDS.

BON VOYAGE MR NURSE - HE'S OFF ON HOLIDAY TOMORROW TO BUTLINS - OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

PLEASED TO HEAR DAVE E'S DAUGHTER CHLOE IS OUT OF HOSPITAL NOW.

ENJOYING USING SKYPE - ALL YOU NEED IS THE PROGRAM (FREE) HERE - http://www.skype.com  AND A HEADSET (£1 FROM POUNDLAND) AND YOU CAN CHAT AWAY TO NEW ZEALAND IF YOU WANT TO AND ALL FREE - AS LONG AS YOU HAVE AN INTERNET CONNECTION  AND THE OTHER PERSON HASTHE PROGRAM INSTALLED OF COURSE. PETE IN SCOTLAND GETS BY WITH JUST A MICROPHONE AND LISTENS VIA THE SPEAKERS. (I THINK HE'S BECOMING A BIT TOO SCOTTISH.) PRIVATE FRASER IN DAD'S ARMY COMES TO MIND.

 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR DEAR DON = THE TECHNOLOGICAL WIZARD - HAS TAKEN SO LONG TO GET INTO THIS SKYPE LARK.

CHEAPEST PLACE FOR GUINNESS NOW IS MARTHA'S VINEYARD - AT 1.99 COMPARED TO THE £2.80 I USUALLY PAY TO HANG OUT WITH THE OTHER WALSALL BOURGEOISIE TRENDSETTERS AND THE SULTAN.

SADLY SUE'S MOM PASSED AWAY THIS WEEK. TERRIBLE NEWS. WONDERFUL LADY.

19\6 BACK TO REALITY = RAIN OBVIOUSLY STOPPED PLAY ON SATURDAY BUT ENJOYED MEETING UP WITH ROB AND IAN (AND THE SULTAN LATER ON) FOR A PINT SATURDAY PM. NEXT GOLF GAME IS HOPEFULLY, FINGERS CROSSED, THIS SUNDAY AT PYPE HAYES WHEN THE KAISER AND I WILL HOPEFULLY TAKE ON THE SULTAN AND LUCA BEFORE HAVING A PINT IN THE PRANCING PONY.

19\6 Met up with Ian online. I can't remember when I last laughed so much even when the son of an elf bitch let 4 goblins kill me when he was supposed to be backing me up man...

15/6 ROB M. 'FRIEND TO THE STARS' (AND THE DON) WITH SVEN'S GIRLFRIEND NANCY NIGHT BEFORE LAST. ROB AND HIS BOSS HAVE TAKEN MANY PICS OF HER.

13/6 WILDLY INACCURATE PREMATURE RUMOURS THAT GROCER BARON DAVE E. WOULD BE RETURNING THIS WEEKEND HAVE SADLY PROVED TO BE WILDLY INACCURATE AND PREMATURE.

THE HIGHLY AWAITED FATHER'S DAY BARBECUE AT GEORGE AND DEBBIE'S HAS BEEN CANCELLED AS IT IS FATHERS DAY.

IT'S RAINING.

I'VE STILL NOT WON THE LOTTERY.

NOBODY CARES.

BUT!!!   ROB M. 'FRIEND TO THE STARS' (WHO'S DOWNING STREET DATE IS TOMORROW) IS TRAVELLING UP BY MULE TRAIN TO PLAY GOLF ON SATURDAY AGAINST THE HUN AND MY DEAR SELF. THIS WILL BE FOLLOWED BY MY USUAL FRIDAY NIGHT SOIRÉE EXCEPT IT WILL BE SATURDAY AFTERNOON. SO THERE IS A GOD AFTER ALL. AND HE IS DELIVERING ROB UP UNTO ME THAT I MAY SERVETH HIM UP A CAN OF WHUP-ASS.

ROB APPROACHES WATFORD GAP. SEE HOW THE FOOL HASTENS TO HIS DOOM. MUHHHUHUHAHAHAHHHAHHHA!!!!!

LYRICS FOR 'MULE TRAIN' - http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/laine-frankie/mule-train-12552.html

DISCUSSION ON WALSALL VAGRANTS - INCLUDING ERNIE PEMBER - THE LEGEND

http://p200.ezboard.com/tramp-stories/fwalsallwonderlandfrm2.showMessage?topicID=12.topic

http://p200.ezboard.com/Ramsey-the-Kung-Fu-Tramp----/fwalsallwonderlandfrm2.showMessage?topicID=34.topic

COUPLA PICS ROB TOOK OF KEVIN ROWLANDS LAST NIGHT (EX-DEXY'S MIDNIGHT RUNNERS)

GRATUITOUS GILLIAN PIC

WANT A LAUGH??

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/columnists/martin_samuel/article1826802.ece

CONNERY NOT RETURNING FOR INDY 4!!!

http://www.empireonline.com/news/story.asp?NID=20775

7/6 MY MATE ROB M. 'FRIEND TO THE STARS' HAS BEEN INVITED TO A CHERIE BLAIR TEA PARTY AT NUMBER 10 NEXT WEEK.

"It has been foretold: In the hour of Britain's greatest need, King Arthur will return to rescue his people."

IS DAVID BECKHAM THE REINCARNATION OF KING ARTHUR?

SHOULD HE MERELY BE KNIGHTED OR IN FACT CROWNED KING OF ENGLAND??

YES FRANKIE! IT'S A REAL FOOTBALL PLAYER! WHO'S A CLEVER BOY THEN? COOCHIE COO!

4\6 SORTED - WHEN BIB TURNS THE KETTLE ON NOW HE GETS THE HISTORY CHANNEL.

4\6 GOOD DAY AT HATCHFORD BROOK YESTERDAY ALTHOUGH I NOW LOOK LIKE A HIGHLY ATTRACTIVE LOBSTER. DETLEF BEAT ME, WE BEAT THE COUSINS, REPORT TO FOLLOW LATER

SCORE 6.3 TO THE DON

IF I AM NEVER SEEN AGAIN I'M OFF TO BIB'S HOUSE TONIGHT TO SORT HIS  ELECTRONICS CONNECTIONS OUT OR COMPLICATE THEM AS THE CASE MAY BE.

2.6.07 FINALLY GOT ROUND TO WATCHING 'X-MEN THE LAST STAND' TODAY - I'D BEEN SAVOURING IT SINCE I BOUGHT IT LAST YEAR. SOMEONE HAS WRITTEN AN INTELLIGENT SYNOPSIS OF WHICH CHARACTERS ARE ACTUALLY DEAD AS A RESULT OF THE TRILOGY HERE http://www.countingdown.com/movies/3856070/board?viewpost=3960392

I MUST ADMIT I HADN'T WATCHED THE FILM TILL THE END OF THE TITLES - SHOULD HAVE LEARNED TO DO THAT AFTER FERRIS BEULLER! THE SCENE AFTER THE TITLES SHOWS AT LEAST ONE CHARACTER IS STILL WITH US IN WHATEVER FORM.

'NUFF SAID!!!

30\5 2 IMPORTANT BIRTHDAYS COMING UP ON 1STJUNE - JACK I. AND SCOTLAND PETE SHARE THEIR BIRTHDAYS WITH RONNIE WOOD, MARILYN MONROE, MORGAN FREEMAN,  EDWARD WOODWARD AND BOB MONKHOUSE TO NAME A FEW!!

GREAT TO MEET IAN AND DETLEF AND FAMILY IN THE 'PIG AND TRUFFLE' IN LICHFIELD MONDAY AND GREAT TO MEET UP WITH THE SULTAN AND HIS GANG IN WALSALL LATER. ANOTHER GREAT BANK HOLIDAY.

DELUGE AT BOLDMERE.WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?

LAST SUNDAY WE GOT OUR KAYAKS OUT AND PLAYED BOLDMERE. WE BASICALLY HAD THE COURSE TO OURSELVES AS THE WEATHER WAS SUCH THAT ONLY REAL MEN OR IDIOTS COULD HAVE SURVIVED. ACTUALLY WE ALL REALLY ENJOYED OURSELVES AND EVEN HAD TIME FOR A SPOT OF LIGHT DOGGING ALONG THE WAY. I FELL FOUL OF THE FIRST HOUND ENCOUNTER - ON THE 10TH HOLE. A DEAR MUTT DECIDED TO KINDLY PLONK ITSELF IN MY LINE OF FIRE AND LOOK UP AT ME EXPECTANTLY IN THE MIDDLE OF MY BACKSWING. I KNEW AS I HIT MY BALL 3 MILES TO THE LEFT I WOULD NEVER SEE IT AGAIN. NEXT UP - THE 11TH HOLE AND LIKE A TRUE PROFESSIONAL I PUT THE PREVIOUS TEE SHOT OUT OF MY MIND AND HIT A FINE SHOT TO THE RAISED GREEN. AS WE APPROACHED HOWEVER, A DISEMBODIED VOICE GREETED US FROM DEEP IN A NEARBY COPSE..."HELLO IS THIS SOMEBODY'S BALL MY MASTIFF HAS IN HIS MASSIVE FANGS?" I LOOKED AT THE GREEN WITH A SINKING HEART. IT WAS MY OWN DEAR BALL IN THE MONSTER'S MAW! KNOWING THE RULES I REALISED I HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO PLAY THE BALL FROM WHERE IT LAY, SO SWALLOWING HARD I PREPARED TO HIT BALL AND DOG ONTO THE GREEN WITH A DEFT 6 IRON CHIP. FORTUNATELY AT THIS POINT THE CREATURE REGURGITATED MY BALL ALONG WITH THE NUMBER PLATE FROM A FORD FIESTA. I ESCAPED WITH A PAR.

 2 HOLES LATER AND IT WAS THE POOR SULTAN'S TURN TO SUFFER AS DOG NUMBER 1 FROM HOLE NUMBER 10 MADE A SUPRISE APPEARANCE AT HOLE NUMBER 13, TROTTED ON THE GREEN, GRABBED HIS BALL, RAN OFF WITH IT AT PACE AND NEVER CAME BACK. I AM NOT SURE WHAT BREED IT WAS BUT FROM WHAT THE SULTAN SHOUTED I GATHERED IT WAS A ******* ******* - WHICH I THINK MEANT IT WAS SOME SORT OF BREEDING DOG WITHOUT A PEDIGREE.

DETLEF AND I BEAT THE MIGHTY GOLFING COUSINS AND I WON OVERALL.

SCORE 6.1 TO THE DON

NEXT GAME IS THIS SUNDAY AT HATCHFORD BROOK. DOGS ARE NOT INVITED.

FOX WATCH - http://www.permuted.org.uk/fox/

'RED ONION' STEVE McCLAREN FINALLY BOWS TO THE PRESSURE FROM THIS SITE AND RE-PICKS DAVID BECKHAM FOR THE ESTONIA GAME. BECKHAM SET UP 2 OF REAL MADRID'S 3 GOALS THIS EVENING. HE IS IN FANTASTIC FORM.

24\5 JUST WATCHED 'DEJA VU' WITH DENZIL WASHINGTON - HE'S ALWAYS VALUE FOR MONEY. ENTERTAINING. VERY REMINISCENT OF 'TIMECOP' WITH ELEMENTS OF 'LAURA' THROWN IN FOR GOOD MEASURE. IT SPARKED THE FOLLOWING MISSIVE ON THE INTERNET MOVIE DATABASE FORUMS WHICH JUST  STRUCK ME AS FUNNY SOMEHOW.

" I've thought about time travel a lot and if ever got myself cornered into a fight. I could just keep going back in time to right before the fight until I had like 10 of me."

23\5 NOTHING MUCH ON TV TONIGHT EXCEPT SOME OBSCURE FOOTBALL MATCH - WHICH HAS GIVEN ME CHANCE TO UPDATE THE PAGE.

20\ 5 THE RETURN OF THE BRAVE SULTAN -CARVE HIS NAME WITH PRIDE

REALLY ENJOYABLE GAME TODAY AT PYPE HAYES, LOVELY WEATHER FOR GOLF. ALTHOUGH THE HUNSTER AND I BEAT THE MIGHTY COUSINS AS A TEAM THE SULTAN SHOWED NO SIGNS OF HIS RECENT BRUSH WITH THE JAWS OF DEATH AND CUT A FINE FIGURE ON HIS HOSPITAL TROLLEY, OCCASIONALLY ALIGHTING FROM IT JUST LONG ENOUGH TO DEFTLY SPANK HIS BALLS DOWN THE FAIRWAY. HE EVEN MANAGED TO BIRDIE THE LAST DESPITE GETTING CAUGHT UP IN HIS SALINE DRIP IN THE BACKSWING AND HAVING TO HAVE THE KISS OF LIFE FROM LUCA BY THE 150 YARD MARKER.

 I SOMEHOW CONSPIRED TO BEAT THE KAISER BY 3 SHOTS WHICH WAS ENOUGH TO SECURE ME 2 POINTS AS I BEAT HIM BY ONE SHOT LAST TIME OUT - THE TIME HE NEARLY KILLED ME. MAGNANIMOUS IN DEFEAT HE WARMLY CONGRATULATED ME  BEFORE SETTING THE HOUNDS ON ME IN THE CAR PARK. THE SULTAN AND HIS MEDICAL ENTOURAGE BEAT ME BY 5 SHOTS, APPARENTLY IT WOULD HAVE BEEN 6 SHOTS IF HE WAS WITH BUPA.

 THE COUSINS HAVE ACTUALLY MADE ME AN OFFER I CAN'T REFUSE TO PLAY AGAIN THIS WEEKEND WHICH WILL BE VERY NICE. DESPITE THE SHORT NOTICE EVEN AS I SPEAK TEAMS OF GROUNDSKEEPERS ARE WORKING OVERTIME TO PREPARE BOLDMERE TO ENSURE IT MEETS THE RIGOROUS HIGH STANDARD OF QUALITY OUR GAME DEMANDS IN MY HEAD.

THE SULTAN UNDERGOING A SMALL PROCEDURE BEFORE HIS FINAL PUTT ON THE 18TH.

SCORE 5.1 TO THE DON

19\5 IT'S A HISTORIC DAY FOR THE BEAUTIFUL GAME. COME ON YOU MIGHTY REDS!!!!!!!

SPIRIT OF CANTONA!!! LATER ON 19\5 - 'BUGGER!'

NICE TO UNEXPECTEDLY SEE LUCA YESTERDAY. THE NURSE HAS BEEN TEMPED BY THE SULTAN'S NEW 42 INCH SCREEN AND WILL BE WATCHING THE MATCH ROUND HIS PALACE. I'M WATCHING IT AT HOME WITH THE OTHER 2 SUPPORTERS ON MY MEAGRE ANTIQUATED 32 INCHER BUT AT LEAST PIZZA IS ON THE MENU COURTESY OF THE LOCAL MORRISONS.

COMFORTING NEWS - CHARLES MANSON IS UP FOR PAROLE AGAIN ON 23RD MAY.

CHARLEY SINGS!

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xioCGmZVoqw

16\5 BELATEDLY I'D LIKE TO STATE WHAT A GREAT BANK HOLIDAY THE NURSE AND I HAD CELEBRATING UNITED'S PREMIERSHIP WIN, FIRST IN ARBOR THEN IN THE BUTTS TAVERN. BUTTS WAS LIVELY AS IT HAD THE DREADED KARAOKE ON BUT UNBEKNOWN TO US IT WAS RICHARD M'S 6OTH BIRTHDAY BASH. MESSAGE FOR SCOTLAND PETE - THIS IS THE RICHARD M. WHO MARRIED PAT. BUMPED INTO ANOTHER FEW UNITED SUPPORTERS ALONG THE WAY AND GREAT TO MEET NURSE'S COUSIN (HELPING OUT BEHIND THE BAR IN A SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE) AND HER HUSBAND - BOTH VERY NICE PEOPLE. ALSO POPPED IN THERE LAST FRIDAY AND NICE TO RENEW AN ON OFF ACQUAINTANCE WITH 'TOM' WHO TURNS OUT TO BE THE OTHER LEEDS SUPPORTER! UNLIKE 'SHOULDERS' TOM SOMEHOW MANAGES TO REMAIN CHEERFUL DESPITE IT ALL THOUGH. NEXT TIME YOU ARE FEELING DEPRESSED AND FEEL FATE IS AGAINST YOU PLEASE SPARE A THOUGHT FOR PEOPLE LIKE TOM.

IF YOU WANT TO HELP A LEEDS SUPPORTER PLEASE GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY AND I'LL MAKE SURE IT IS SPENT WISELY.

BARKING MAD

IN LIGHT OF MOURINHO'S  BRUSH WITH THE LAW

EVERYONE SING 'WHO LET THE DOGS OUT' AT THE FA CUP FINAL PLEASE!

SCORE WILL BE A SLIGHTLY FLATTERING 4.1 TO UNITED.

GOOD TO HEAR SHOULDERS' MATE PETE IS IMPROVING AND OUT OF HOSPITAL NOW.

GOLF THIS SUNDAY AT PYPE HAYES AND BARRING DISASTERS THE MIGHTY ONES WILL BE IN ATTENDANCE. I'VE NOT HEARD OFF THE SULTAN BUT HIS COUSIN LUCA SAYS HE HAS PASSED A LATE FITNESS TEST, HE WILL START ON THE BENCH BUT THEN HE WILL GET OFF IT AND PLAY GOLF - AS ONLY THE SULTAN CAN. NURSE TELLS ME TODAY THAT THE SULTAN WILL NOT BE OUT FRIDAY AS HE HAS TO GO TO STOURBRIDGE - WHICH I CAN ONLY IMAGINE IS WHERE HIS LAST TEE SHOT ENDED UP. AS WE SPEAK DETLEF'S FORCES ARE MASSING ON THE SUTTON COLDFIELD BORDER AND I AM PRACTICING MY CONGRATULATORY HANDSHAKES.

16\5 MOVED A LOT OF STUFF INTO THE

PREVIOUS NEWS ARCHIVED SECTION

STAR WARS KID ORIGINAL http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHGY-Ez3ePQ&mode=related&search=

ENHANCED http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmlSr4n47Hk&mode=related&search=

HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GOOD MAY DAY BANK HOLIDAY. THE LOCAL CHURCH HAS SEVERAL FESTIVITIES PLANNED FOR THE VILLAGE AND OF COURSE AS ALWAYS WE WILL BE BURNING A MALE VIRGIN IN A WICKER MAN IN FRONT OF THE PUBLIC LIBRARY JUST BEFORE TIFFINS.

THE LOCAL ROTARY CLUB DISCUSS THE LATEST BILL BRYSON.

6\5 OH, BY THE WAY UNITED WON THE PREMIERSHIP TODAY WHEN THE GITS AND THE SCUM DREW. LIGHT HAS TRIUMPHED OVER DARKNESS. THE FORCES OF LORD MOURINHO MUST RETURN TO MOUNT DOOM TILL NEXT SEASON.  BUSINESS AS USUAL. MOURNING PERIOD OVER.

THE VANQUISHED ONE

GOLF AGAIN!!

6\5\07 PLAYED PYPE HAYES TODAY WITH DETLEF, THE GERMAN PLAYBOY OF LICHFIELD WHO HAS BROKEN SO MANY HEARTS. WE PLAYED WITH OURSELVES, AS THE SULTAN IS NOT TOO WELL AT THE MOMENT AND LUCA WAS MODELLING NAKED FOR A STILL LIFE ART CLASS AS THEY COULDN'T FIND A BOWL OF FRUIT. THE GAME WAS TENSE BUT LARGELY PLAYED IN A GOOD NATURED FASHION UNTIL THE 12TH TEE WHERE DELEF LET OFF A SMALL PANZERFAUST HANDED HIM BY HIS MILITARY ATTACHÉ. "I'M SORRY ENGLISH SWINE, DID I PUT YOU OFF, OLD BOY?" HE ENQUIRED FROM BEHIND THE BILLOWING SMOKE. I AM SURE IT WAS AN ACCIDENT AND HIS TROOPS DID BACK HIM UP BUT MY SUSPICIONS WERE AGAIN AROUSED WHEN HE NEARLY BRAINED ME WITH HIS TEE SHOT ON THE 17TH. ONLY MY CAT LIKE REFLEXES SAVED ME. "MATE, I AM SO SORRY, YOU LUCKY ENGLISH BASTARD, JUST STAY EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE WILL YOU WHILE I TAKE MY SHOT AGAIN!" HE EXCLAIMED, BUT I CAREFULLY POSITIONED MYSELF BEHIND THE CATERPILLAR TRACKS AND GUN TURRETS OF WHAT HE CALLS HIS GOLF KART BEFORE HIS NEXT SALVO. IN DETLEF'S FAVOUR I MUST SAY HE DID ALLOW ME TO LIVE AFTER I BEAT HIM BY ONE SHOT ON THE LAST HOLE. "LIVE WHILE YOU CAN ENGLISH, BUT ALWAYS REMEMBER I CAN SNUFF OUT YOUR VERDAMMTER LIFE AS EASILY AS I SNUFF OUT AN INSIGNIFICANT FLAME!" UNFORTUNATELY AT THIS POINT DETLEF'S CIGARETTE LIGHTER SET FIRE TO HIS LEDERHAUSEN AND WE HAD TO CALL FOR THE FIRE BRIGADE AND PARAMEDICS. NEXT GAME, GOD WILLING WILL BE IN 2 WEEKS TIME BY WHICH TIME THE SULTAN MAY HAVE RECOVERED AND LUCA'S FLEDGLING MODELLING CAREER IS LIKELY TO BE AT AN END.

SCORE 3.1 TO THE DON.

3\5 LIFE'S A BITCH THEN YOU DIE

I HAD A BAD FEELING ABOUT THE MATCH LAST NIGHT - IT WAS ONE OF THOSE DAYS EVERYTHING WENT BADLY FROM THE OFF. STILL, UNITED LOST TO THE BETTER SIDE ON THE NIGHT AND THERE ARE STILL THE PREMIERSHIP AND THE FA CUP TO PLAY FOR. LIFE GOES ON, THE MAN AT THE SAMARITANS TOLD ME.

X-FILES FILM

ON HER SITE http://www.gilliananderson.ws/ THE GODDESS GILLIAN SPEAKS IN VERY POSITIVE TERMS REGARDING THE LONG AWAITED X- FILES MOVIE SEQUEL. IT'S VERY MUCH A CASE OF 'WHEN' AND NOT 'IF' AS SHE SEES IT. IN THE MEANTIME I WILL HAVE TO CONSOLE MYSELF WITH THE NEW MOVIE 'STRAIGHTHEADS' WHERE SHE GETS HER KIT OFF. I AM A CULTURE VULTURE.

2\5\07 - TENSE AND EXCITING MATCH LAST NIGHT - LIVERPOOL DESERVED TO WIN. I WENT OUT FOR A RARE MIDWEEK DRINK AND WATCHED THE FIRST HALF AT THE SULTAN'S PALACE - FIRST TIME I'D SEEN IT. MANY THANKS FOR HIS HOSPITALITY. NICE TO SEE JIMMY G. BRIEFLY AS WELL.

GETTING PRE MATCH NERVES NOW BEFORE UTD'S AC MILAN CLASH. THE ARTISTE FORMERLY KNOWN AS NURSIE AND ROB M. FRIEND TO THE STARS ARE LIKEWISE TREPIDATIOUS ABOUT THE MATCH. WE STAND ON THE THRESHOLD OF GREATNESS MERE MORTALS WITH ALL A MORTAL'S FAILINGS. WAS IT PHIL THE HAT WHO SAID:

"What a piece of work is man! How noble in reason! how infinite in faculties! in form and moving, how express and admirable! in action how like an angel! in apprehension, how like a god!

COME ON UNITED - CRUSH THE SCUTTERS!!!

30\4 A GREAT WEEK OF SPORT TO COME

WE KICK OFF TOMORROW WITH THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE CLASH AT ANFIELD WHEN LIVERPOOL TRY TO OVERTURN A ONE GOAL DEFICIT FROM THE FIRST LEG. DIFFICULT ONE - I'D LIKE TO SEE QUADRUPLE CHASING CHELSEA END UP WITH VIRTUALLY NOTHING AT ALL BUT ON THE OTHER HAND LIVERPOOL HAVE ONLY GOT EUROPE TO CROW ABOUT THESE DAYS SO I'D LIKE TO TAKE THAT FROM THEM AS WELL AND DRIVE THEM TO TOTAL DESPAIR.

WEDNESDAY'S CLASH BETWEEN MANCHESTER UNITED AND A C MILAN AT MILAN IS A FAR EASIER MATTER - I'M NOT GIVEN TO WILD PREDICTIONS BUT CERTAINLY UNITED SHOULD WIN 8.0

SUNDAY SEES THE DON \ DETLEF DREAM TEAM TAKE ON THE MIGHTY GOLFING COUSINS AT PYPE HAYES. THIS COURSE HAS BEEN COMPARED TO AUGUSTA BY ME IN THE PUB. IT WILL BE A HARD MATCH BUT I EXPECT US TO TOTALLY CRUSH THE OPPOSITION AND HAVE THEM CRYING FOR MAMA BY THE 14TH HOLE. TICKETS ARE ON SALE BY GIVING MONEY TO ME AND THEN WALKING ROUND THE COURSE WITH US.

DEB'S WALSALL BALL

THE GREAT AND THE GOOD WERE ON SHOW SATURDAY NIGHT AT GEORGE AND DEBBIE'S PARTY WHICH IS ALREADY BEING REFERRED TO IN MY OWN HEAD AS WALSALL'S SOCIAL EVENT OF THE SEASON. ALSO PRESENT WERE SEVERAL Z LIST CELEBRITIES, HANGERS ON AND JOHN B. THE SULTAN OF SWANG. MARK I. WAS NOT INVITED. I WAS INVITED AT LEAST TWICE BUT SADLY COULD NOT ATTEND ON THIS OCCASION.

28\4 GREAT COMEBACK FROM UNITED AGAINST EVERTON. GAME SET AND MATCH?

28\4 ROB M. FRIEND TO THE STARS SENT ME A TEXT YESTERDAY FROM BARBADOS TO TELL ME THAT FREDDIE FLINTOFF SAID HELLO TO HIM IN A RESTAURANT'S GENTS THE NIGHT BEFORE.....

MANAGED TO GO OUT LAST NIGHT AND NOT LOSE ANYTHING AT ALL!

HELLO PAUL H. (PAUL THE MAN) IF YOU VISIT THE SITE AS INVITED.

28\4\07 I'VE GONE BACK TO MY PREVIOUS MOBILE NUMBER. THINK I'VE TEXTED EVERYONE NOW. UNFORTUNATELY I PRESSED THE WRONGBUTTON AND SENT EVERYONE A TEXT MEANT FOR JIM G. SO THERE WILL BE SEVERAL PUZZLED FACES.

24\4 FANTASTIC WAYNE, BLOODY FANTASTIC!! WHILE THE 'LESSER TEAMS' SQUABBLE UNITED CRUISE THROUGH AGAINST A DECREPIT MILAN SIDE. GIBBER!

I'VE BEEN THINKING OF ROO AND ALL THE THINGS HE CAN DO

ROONS GOAL FROM THE STANDS!! 'SLIGHT' CAMERA SHAKE!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nd0d8rNxLLE

24\4 HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIB!!! MAY YOU LONG REGALE US WITH YOUR AGELESS WISDOM AND BOYISH GOOD LOOKS!

LEARN MANY FASCINATING FACTS ABOUT BIB.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Methuselah

22\4 ST GEORGE'S DAY TOMORROW!!! CELEBRATE ENGLAND - GREATEST NATION IN THE WORLD! LAND OF HOPE AND GLORY, AN OASIS IN EUROPE, OUR OWN JERUSALEM AND THE PROMISED LAND. RULE BRITANNIA - SHE STILL RULES THE WAVES BLESS HER! WE ONLY LOST THE WORLD CUP BY A WHISKER! ENGLAND - HOME OF SHAKESPEARE, DAVID BECKHAM AND JOHN B. THE SULTAN OF SWANG. SECOND HOME TO DETLEF THE WIZARD OF THE WOODS! FETCH MY TABLETS! WE WILL FIGHT THEM ON THE BEACHES! WE WILL NEVAIR SURRENDER!

BODICEA - HER WAS ENGLISH AND THIS IS EXACTLY HOW HER LOOKED - HONEST OUR KID!!!

ST GEORGE'S DAY INFO - HE WAS A BLOODY ITALIAN!

http://www.stgeorgesday.com/home

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/St_George's_Day

http://www.woodlands-junior.kent.sch.uk/customs/stgeorge.html

22\4 THANK YOU NEWCASTLE!!! THE PREMIERSHIP IS UNITEDS' TO THROW AWAY AGAIN!!

                                                                                   A WORRIED BOY                               THE OLD MASTER

22\4 I'M ON A DIFFERENT MOBILE NUMBER FOR THE MOMENT BUT WILL BE REVERTING TO THE OLD ONE WHEN O2 SEND ME A NEW SIMCARD THROUGH

22\4 HAPPY EARTH DAY! IT'S SOMETHING WE HAVE IN COMMON AS MOST OF US ARE FROM THERE - ALTHOUGH I SOMETIMES WONDER ABOUT THE SULTAN (WHO I BUMPED INTO IN WALSALL THIS AM)  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earth_Day

21\4 LOST MY MOBILE PHONE LAST NIGHT - EMAIL ME YOUR NUMBERS IF YOU HAVEN'T DONE SO ALREADY AS I'VE LOST THE DAMN LOT!

INTRIGUING UFO DOCUMENTARY

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8285709939745631584

19\4 MEETING A VERY OLD SCHOOL FRIEND STEVE R. TOMORROW FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MANY YEARS. THE ARTISTE FORMALLY KNOWN AS NURSIE IS NOT OUT. I'LL BE IN THE USUAL PLACE AT THE USUAL TIME. SULTAN AND LUCAS' PLANS UNKNOWN. SHOULDERS?? WELL WHO CAN EVER PREDICT??

16\4\07 THE DUEL IN THE SUN - WHO NEEDS THE 300 SPARTANS?

I DROP A SHOT ON THE 16TH

ENJOYABLE GAME OF GOLF WITH HERR DETLEF AND THE FAMOUS GOLFING COUSINS YESTERDAY. IN A NOT SO RARE  MOMENT OF INCLARITY BEFORE PASSING OUT ON FRIDAY NIGHT THE SULTAN ANNOUNCED HE AND I WOULD BE TAKING ON THE MIGHTY LUCA (HALF GRIZZLY BEAR) AND DETLEF (HALF GIANT PANDA) IN A BATTLE OF THE TITANS. IT WAS WARM ENOUGH TO MELT YOUR BALLS ON THE COURSE. IN MY HEAD IT BECAME AN ENDURANCE TEST TO RIVAL MAN'S GREATEST ACHIEVEMENTS INCLUDING EVEN THE BUILDING OF THE PYRAMIDS. THE SULTAN AND I WON ON THE FINAL HOLE MAKING US PROUD TO BE AN ENGLAND ('JOHNNYSPEAK' COPYRIGHT THE SULTAN 2006), THE SULTAN COLLAPSED WITH EMOTION AND THREW HIS KNICKERS TO  THE CROWD (SORRY - FOR CROWD READ WILD GEESE AND FOR KNICKERS READ KNICKERS). FOR DETLEF IT WAS A BITTER BLOW AS HE ALSO LOST TO ME INDIVIDUALLY AND HIS STIFLED SOBS COULD BE HEARD FROM UNDER HIS STEEL HELMET AS HE DROVE AWAY IN HIS TIGER. MITZI, HIS GERMAN SHEPHERD ATTACK DOG HOWLED LATE INTO THE NIGHT. RIGHT HAD TRIUMPHED AND ALL WAS WELL WITH THE WORLD. THE SUN ALSO RISES.

SCORE 2.1 TO ME

HOPEFULLY WE WILL BEHAVING A RETURN MATCH AGAINST THE COUSINS IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS IF IT CAN BE CLEARED WITH THEIR PROBATION OFFICERS.

11\4 HOPE A GOOD EASTER WAS HAD BY ALL - I HAD A REALLY PLEASANT BIRTHDAY AND EASTER - CAPPED OFF BY UNITED'S 7-1 ANNIHILATION OF 'BAD BOYS' ROMA (PREDICTED ON THIS SITE 9\3) LAST NIGHT. HOPE WE GET SUCH AN EASY PASSAGE AGAINST FADING GERMAN LEGENDS BAYERN NEXT.

ALAN SMITH - BET HE'S SORRY HE LEFT LEEDS!!

NICE TO SEE THE SULTAN'S COMPUTER WIZARD BROTHER TONY ON GOOD FRIDAY.

AS A LATE BIRTHDAY GIFT I WAS TREATED TO A GAME OF GOLF ROUND BOLDMERE YESTERDAY BY 'BIG YIN' JIM G. VERY ENJOYABLE GAME AND GREAT COMPANY.

HOPEFULLY NEXT GAME IS THIS SUNDAY WHEN DETLEF WILL HAVE RETURNED FROM HIS MISSIONARY WORK IN GERMANY AND THE FAMOUS GOLFING COUSINS WILL HOPEFULLY FIND A GAP IN THEIR SOCIAL DIARIES.

SCORE CURRENTLY 1.0 TO THE MEISTER OF THE MASHIE.

TOP 100 APRIL FOOLS DAY HOAXES

http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/aprilfool/

TOPICAL

http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/iran/a/iranjokes.htm

1\4\07 GREAT TO HAVE A DRINK WITH SCOTLAND PETE YESTERDAY. A GOOD DAY - ESPECIALLY WITH UNITED BEATING BLACKBURN 4.1 AND LIVERPOOL CRUSHING POOR OLD ARSENAL 4.1. GREAT PURE HAT-TRICK BY CROUCH - HOPEFULLY 'RED ONION' McCLAREN WILL PLAY HIM FROM THE START AGAINST ESTONIA

GET BROOKSIDE EPISODES RELEASED ON DVD -SIGN THE PETITION

http://www.petitiononline.com/brooky07/petition.html

AS WELL AS BEING MY BIRTHDAY MONDAY IS ALSO FAMOUS FOR BEING THE ANNIVERSARY OF THE ONE THING MAGGIE GOT RIGHT.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Falklands_War

REMOVED SNOW FROM SITE AS ITS NEARLY EASTER! - BUT WOULDN'T SURPRISE ME IF WE DON'T HAVE SOME MORE OF THE REAL STUFF YET.

30\3 ADDED REAR VIEW OF JELENA DOKIC TO  THE LADIES PAGE  FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON 

30\3 BOY HYPOCHONDRIAC COMES GOOD

AFTER 40 YEARS OF NEARLY SUFFERING FROM EVERY DISEASE KNOWN TO MAN IT APPEARS MY BLOOD SUGAR IS HIGH AND MAY HAVE DIABETES - GOT TO HAVE A FURTHER TEST. PRAYERS ARE BEING SAID IN ALL THE WORLDS' CAPITALS.

THE IRANIAN GOVERNMENT ARE A GOOD ARGUMENT FOR ABORTION.

THE BEER FESTIVAL IS CURRENTLY ON IN WALSALL - NO REPORTS OF IT YET BUT IT WILL OBVIOUSLY BE NO SMOKING AND (HOPE NOT) PLASTIC GLASSES.

30\3 MY 40TH BIRTHDAY THIS MONDAY - I WILL BE TOURING WALSALL TOMORROW AND MONDAY - FEEL FREE TO COME UP AND TOUCH ME AND SAY HELLO BUT NO AUTOGRAPHS PLEASE. PHOTOGRAPHS ARE ACCEPTABLE FOR A PINT OF GUINNESS. 2 PINTS FOR TOPLESS SHOTS.

30\3 ALTHOUGH THE RED ONION McCLAREN IS JUST NOT UP TO THE JOB I FEEL HARANGUING THE TEAM 30 MINUTES INTO THE MATCH IS RIDICULOUS. THEY SHOULD BE SOUNDLY FLOGGED AT FULL TIME - EXCEPT ASHLEY COLE WHO MAY ENJOY IT.

27\3 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kunta_Kinte

26\3 FIRST GOLF GAME OF THE SEASON AGAINST DETLEF YESTERDAY

THE SULTAN AND LUCA WERE UNABLE TO MAKE THIS ONE BUT THE SULTAN'S PRESENCE WAS NOT NECESSARY AS THE KAISER BEAT ME BY ONE SHOT. NICE TO PLAY AGAIN DESPITE THE LOSS. SCORES WEREN'T GREAT - DETLEF 4 PUTTED THE FIRST HOLE AND I PROMPTLY 4 PUTTED THE SECOND - BUT WE BOTH HIT SOME GOOD SHOTS. PLAY WASN'T TOO SLOW ALTHOUGH WE WERE FOLLOWING A COUPLE OF MUNCHKINS FROM THE WIZARD OF OZ. WORRYINGLY THE HUNMEISTER THOUGHT THE GUYS WIFE WAS A LITTLE BOY. I THINK THERE WAS A LOT OF THAT IN THE 20'S IN GERMANY. ALSO CROSS DRESSING.

GERMAN LADS ON THE LASH.

SADLY DETLEF MAY BE DEPORTED THIS YEAR FOR HAVING AN OFFENSIVE FACE - POSSIBLY AS EARLY AS JULY - SO IT PROMISES TO BE A VERY SHORT SEASON - PARTICULARLY WITH ME PLAYING ONLY ONCE A FORTNIGHT. NEXT GAME WILL PROBABLY BE IN 3 WEEKS AS DETLEF HAS TO GO TO GERMANY FOR EASTER TO TRY TO FIND A SPARE CASTLE FOR THE LADY JANE (THE DEACONESS OF DUDLEY) AND ALL HER ATTENDANTS. BRAVELY AS THE LADY GALADRIEL IN LORD OF THE RINGS THE LADY JANE WILL BE DIMINISHING AND  JOINING DETLEF IN THE WEST (ALTHOUGH IT'S THE EAST - GEOGRAPHY WAS NEVER MY STRONG POINT). THE CHILDREN ARE BEING SOLD INTO SLAVERY - ALTHOUGH DETLEF WILL APOLOGISE FOR IT 200 YEARS LATER.

SCORE 1-0 TO THE KAISER

i26\3 BRING BACK BECKS SACK 'RED ONION' STEVE McCLAREN AND GET A YTS TRAINEE IN.

ENGLAND CRAP SHOCK!!

I SERIOUSLY THINK ONE OF THE ENGLAND PLAYERS SHOULD BE HUNG AND THEIR BODY LEFT TO ROT BY THE GATES OF WEMBLEY AS AN EXAMPLE TO THE REST.

22\2\07

CONGRATULATIONS TO MARK THE NURSE'S SON JACK I.

THE MIGHTY REDS MARCH ON

18\3 DAY AFTER ST PATRICK'S DAY. HEAD HURTS. GREAT TO WATCH THE UNITED GAME IN THE SPORTS BAR WITH 'SHOULDERS' IAN P. AND 'FRIEND TO THE STARS' ROB M.  YESTERDAY. THE RONALDO\ROONEY JOINT EFFORT ON THE BREAK WAS THE BEST OF IT FOR ME AND MADE UP FOR THE RUBBISH RUGBY LATER ON WHICH I WATCHED IN ARBOR WITH THE SULTAN. JIM G. HAD THREATENED TO SHOW UP AT SOME POINT BUT HIS TRACTION ENGINE GOT STUCK IN TRAFFIC.

HIGHLIGHT OF COMIC RELIEF FOR ME WAS THE TONY BLAIR \ CATHERINE TATE SKETCH

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrmIxZrVH-w

FOR CULTURE LOVERS - BLOXWICH CARNIVAL IS SATURDAY 4TH AUGUST THIS YEAR AND I BELIEVE PELSALL CARNIVAL IS ON SATURDAY 7TH JULY

WHEN I LOOK, WITH DESPAIR AT THE BUNCH OF LOSERS AND WAYNE ROONEY THAT MAKE UP 'RED ONION' STEVE McCLAREN'S FORWARD LINE FOR ENGLAND'S NEXT MATCH A WEEK ON SATURDAY, IT IS NICE TO REMIND MYSELF WE ARE STILL HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL ON OTHER SPORTS.

http://www.worldconkerchampionships.com/html/2006_winners.html

I'D SOONER PICK TEDDY SHERRINGHAM AND ROBBIE FOWLER - AND I BET THEY'D SCORE TOO. AT LEAST HARGREAVES MAY PLAY - COS HE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN SCORE A PENALTY SINCE BECK'S ENCOUNTER WITH A TURKISH MOLE.

j16\3\07 HAPPY RED NOSE DAY ALL!!!!

VISITING DIGNITARIES ROB M. AND DAVE E. WILL BE ABOUT FOR THIS WEEKENDS FESTIVITIES.

15\3 FOR SOME BIZARRE REASON HALF THE TEXT ON THE SITE TURNED BLACK EARLIER - WHICH MEANT IT EFFECTIVELY DISAPPEARED AS I'M USING A BLACK BACKGROUND - THINK I'VE REINSTATED IT ALL BUT LET ME KNOW IF I'VE MISSED ANYTHING.

F

14\3 ACCORDING TO SKY SPORTS SOON TO BE DIVORCED ROMAN ABRAMOVICH AND WIFE IRINA WILL HAVE TO GO TO COURT TO SEE WHO GETS TO TAKE DIDIER DROGBA TO THE PARK ON WEEKENDS

13\3 CONGRATULATIONS TO THE PEGSTER ON BECOMING A GRANDMOTHER VIA BABY LEX!! SHE'LL ALWAYS BE THAT YOUNG GIRL WHO NEARLY CUT HER FINGER OFF ON HER FIRST DAY AT WORK TO ME!

13\3 BEST WISHES TO MARK NURSE'S DAUGHTER HOLLY RECOVERING AFTER A TOOTH OP. BLESS HER. SHE IS THE 'MAGGIE' OF THE FAMILY ALTHOUGH MARK IS THE PACIFIER.

LATEST RANT

12\3 AS A NOT SO SECRET LIVERPOOL ADMIRER I THINK IT IS SAD TO SEE THAT LIVERPOOL HAVE 'SOLD OUT' TO BIG BUSINESS AND WILL BE MOVING FROM ANFIELD. HOW CAN YOU RECAPTURE THE ATMOSPHERE AND THE SENSE OF HISTORY? WHAT ABOUT ALL THE ASHES SCATTERED ON THE PITCH OVER THE YEARS AND, I BELIEVE, BURIED IN THE GOALMOUTH. WHO CAN GET EXCITED ABOUT GOING TO THE 'NEW' WEMBLEY FOR THAT MATTER? YOU CAN NO LONGER THINK YOU ARE IN THE STADIUM WHERE THE WORLD CUP WAS WON. EVEN ARSENAL MOVING FROM DOG LANE OR WHATEVER IT WAS CALLED TO THE 'EMIRATES' I DON'T AGREE WITH.

MOTHER'S DAY IS THIS SUNDAY 18TH MARCH - YOU ONLY GET ONE SO MAKE SURE YOU'VE SORTED OUT THE FLOWERS OR WHATEVER AND DON'T LEAVE IT TILL YOU WAKE UP IN A RHODODENDRON BUSH  ON SUNDAY MORNING.

11\3 HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MARK THE NURSE'S DAD - FATHER OF THE WONDER BABY!!!! MET HIM FOR THE FIRST TIME A FEW WEEKS AGO - SPLENDID CHAP.

AS A FOLLOW UP TO A RECENT TV PROGRAM - HERE IS A SITE ABOUT 'GHOSTS OF THE LONDON UNDERGROUND'  

http://www.ghostsoftheunderground.talkspot.com/aspx/templates/blank.aspx/msgid/2

BUT IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM BELIEVING IN STRANGE, UNNATURAL, GROTESQUE APPARITIONS - HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS OFTEN SEEN NORTH LONDON SIGHT?
 

11\3\07 THOUGHT SPURS WERE GOING TO DO IT AGAINST CHELSKI. BAD SUBSTITUTION BY JOL BRINGING MIDO ON.

THERE'S A REAL SPRING FEELING IN THE AIR. I HAVEN'T PLAYED GOLF SINCE THE START OF DECEMBER. I'M PROBABLY ONLY GOING TO BE ABLE TO PLAY ONCE A FORTNIGHT IN FUTURE BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS I'VE SET UP A DATE WITH DETLEF TO PLAY ON 25TH MARCH - SO THAT WILL BE THE START OF OUR SEASON AND THE START OF DETLEF'S DEFENCE OF HIS TITLE. I WILL BE INVITING THE FAMOUS GOLFING COUSINS LUCA AND HIS PET MONKEY THE SULTAN - WHO WILL BEAT ME BY ONE SHOT.

10\3 UNITED LUCKY TO ESCAPE WITH A REPLAY IN THE END.

9\3 THE WAY THE DRAW IS SHAPING UP FOR THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE, AFTER SWEEPING ASIDE ROMA, UNITED MAY PLAY BAYERN MUNICH IN THE SEMI FINAL. I ONLY HOPE HARGREAVES HAS AN OFF DAY.

8\3 - NICE ONE NEWCASTLE BUT WILL THAT PENALTY COME BACK TO HAUNT YOU?

ADDED K.T TUNSTALL TO   THE LADIES PAGE  AS I SAW HER PERFORMING EARLIER IN THE WEEK AND SHE SEEMS TO HAVE A CERTAIN EARTHY SEXUALITY SO MUCH LIKE MY OWN DEAR SELF. ALSO KIRSTEN DUNST IN TENNIS SKIRT AS I'M A TENNIS FAN.

DID WE WATCH THE LUNAR ECLIPSE LAST SATURDAY NIGHT? OR HAVE YOU GOT A LIFE?

THIS WAS IT'S EARLY STAGES MY BUCKOS

7\3 POOR POOR ARSENAL...WAYHEY!!!!!! OF COURSE THEY ARE GOING THROUGH A TRANSITIONAL PHASE...YEAH!

UNITED DO ENOUGH ALTHOUGH UNCONVINCING AGAIN BUT IT SERVES LILLE RIGHT FOR PLAYING BRANIAC THE NOTORIOUS SUPER VILLAIN. THIS MAN SHRUNK KANDOR FOR GOD'S SAKE! THAT'S GOT TO BE WORTH A YELLOW CARD.

LILLE MIDFIELDER BRANIAC

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brainiac_(comics)

4\3 WHAT CAN I SAY? UNITED WERE TOTALLY OUTPLAYED BY THE RAT EATERS YESTERDAY BUT STILL WON. PERHAPS IT REALLY IS TREBLE YEAR AGAIN. ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU BENITEZ FOR NOT PLAYING CROUCH FROM THE START.  I ACTUALLY LIKE LIVERPOOL AND OFTEN GIVE THEIR SUPPORTERS A POUND FOR THE BIG ISSUE - I HOPE THEY FINISH SECOND THIS SEASON - I'M PREPARED TO SAY THAT.

AFTER A PROMISING START BECKHAM HOBBLED OFF PLAYING FOR REAL TONIGHT - STILL MAKES NO DIFFERENCE TO THAT 'RED ONION' McCLAREN ANYWAY

McCLAREN AND VENABLES

28\2 HAPPY ST DAVID'S DAY TOMORROW TO ALL MY WELSH FRIENDS.

'DUKE' - DUKE IS IN TOUCH WITH HIS FEMININE SIDE AND WAITING FOR A CALL  FROM EWE.

ONLY JOKING! I'VE SEEN ZULU - MEN THROUGH AND THROUGH. AND GREAT ON THE KARAOKE.

PONTYPRIDD TOY SOLDIERS RE-ENACT THE BATTLE OF RORKES DRIFT 1879 "HOLD THEM!! HOLD THEM!!"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rorke's_Drift

MANY THANKS TO CHELSEA AND ARSENAL FOR STAGING THE MOST ENTERTAINING CARLING CUP FINAL SINCE THE LAST ONE. ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS. ONLY THING THAT COULD HAVE IMPROVED IT IS IF LAMPARD AND ADEBAYO HAD DRESSED UP AS PANTOMIME DAMES. THE PERFIDIOUS FRENCH MISS OUT ON ANY TROPHIES THIS SEASON AND RUSSIA PICK UP WHAT WILL PROVE TO BE THEIR ONLY CONSOLATION. WHEN WILL TEAMS REALISE YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BEAT ARSENAL - THEY WILL SULK!

27\2 SAW THIS IN THE FREE 'METRO' PAPER - WELL WORTH A LOOK AT THIS AND THE REST IN THE SERIES. ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT.

CHAD VADER - DAY SHIFT MANAGER

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AC29Nhc_kes&mode=related&search=

22\2 UNITED TO BLAME FOR BEATING LILLE SAYS A LILLE SPOKESMAN - UNITED ALSO TO BLAME FOR THE BLACK DEATH AND WORLD WAR 2

A LILLE SPOKESMAN SPEAKING FROM HIS LILLE PAD

21\2 LAST NIGHT WAS DAVID BECKHAM'S FINEST EVER PERFORMANCE FOR REAL MADRID - HAVING A HAND IN ALL 3 GOALS AND MAKING HIS MANAGER LOOK LIKE A MUPPET AND 'RED ONION' STEVE McCLAREN LOOK LIKE SOMETHING WITTY THAT IS WORSE THAN A MUPPET.

BECKHAM RIDES IN TO RESCUE A FLOUNDERING REAL MADRID SIDE.

AS FOR THE BEHAVIOUR OF THE FRENCH TEAM 'LILLY' LAST NIGHT - WHO CAN BE SURPRISED? YOU CAN WATCH THE SAME PETULANT BEHAVIOUR AND SURROUNDING OF REFEREES EVERY WEEK BY FRENCH TEAM LES ARSENAL.

ARTICLE ILLUSTRATING THE DIFFERING MERITS OF THE ENGLISH AND FRENCH PSYCHE

"An exhausted, sick and starving English army are faced by a confident foe outnumbering them four to one. Forced into battle and against all odds, they annihilate the French and slaughter the flower of French nobility."

http://www.geocities.com/beckster05/Agincourt/AgMain.html

WHERE WOULD THE FRENCH BE TODAY IF NOT FOR OURSELVES AND OUR AMERICAN COLONY? IN GERMANY THAT'S WHERE!! - GROUND UNDER THE SAME JACKBOOTS THEIR POLICE WERE USING TO TREAD ALL OVER WOMEN CHILDREN AND A LITTLE PUPPY CALLED 'TIMMY' LAST NIGHT.

 

19\2 NICE TO SEE THE LOVELY CHRISTINE TODAY ON THE BUS - SHE OF EX-KATZ AND LITTLETON BAR TENDING FAME. SADLY SHE HAS NO PLANS TO COME OUT OF RETIREMENT - I THOUGHT SHE SAID THAT THEY HAD BANNED SMOKING IN 'FLANS' - AND I SAID I DON'T GO THERE MUCH - SHE ACTUALLY SAID FRANCE! WHICH MADE MORE SENSE BUT WAS ACTUALLY QUITE SURPRISING TO ME - I THOUGHT WE WERE THE ONLY PC TOSSERS IN EUROPE.

19\2\07 UNITED MADE HEAVY WEATHER OF IT AT THE WEEKEND - WELL DONE READING!! WHOEVER WINS THE REPLAY HAS AN AUTOMATIC PLACE IN THE SEMI- FINAL - JUST LOOK AT THE DRAW!

Quarter-final draw
Middlesbrough or West Brom v Man Utd or Reading
Arsenal or Blackburn v Man City
Chelsea v Tottenham
Plymouth v Watford

19\2 IS CRAIG BELLAMY A NUTTER OR WHAT? HE'S A NUTTER ISN'T HE? NO LISTEN TO ME! HE'S A NUTTER. ARE YOU TALKING TO ME? WELL THERE'S ONLY ME HERE! I WOULDN'T MIND BUT HE USED A 9 IRON ON RISSE AND BELLAMY BEING A DWARF IT DEFINITELY CALLED FOR A DRIVER.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nutter

16\2 CA-MORON SAYS IT'S UP TO THE FATHERS TO PROVIDE A ROLE MODEL - PROBLEM IS YOU LOON SOME FATHERS HAVE ABOUT 6 KIDS ALL WITH DIFFERENT WOMEN - WE DON'T WANT TO WORK THE POOR SOULS TO DEATH DO WE? HOW'S ABOUT STERILISATION AND LICENSES TO HAVE KIDS - NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE. IF IT'S NOT ALREADY. FACE IT SOME PEOPLE WHO WOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO KEEP A POODLE JUST CHURN BABIES OUT BY THE DOZEN.

14\2 HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE!! DAMN THIS POSTAL STRIKE!!!!!

IT'S ALSO 'FRIENDSHIP DAY' IN MEXICO MUCHACHOS!!

JUST TO PROVE I'M NOT THE ONLY OBSESSIVE -

http://www.listology.com/content_show.cfm/content_id.25632/Television

I'LL LAY YOU 5 -1 THAT AT THE END OF NEW BBC SERIES 'THE VERDICT' THEY LOCK STAN UP.

11\2 ISN'T HENRY A GIT IN A TEAM OF GITS RUN BY A GIT? - OR IS THAT BEING GITIST?

GIT CITY

OBVIOUSLY I MEAN THEY ARE PREGNANT CAMELS http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Git

10\2 BECKS IS BACK FOR REAL AND SCORES - PROVING WHAT A RED ONION STEVE McCLAREN REALLY IS.

A WINNER AND A LOSER - GOLDEN BALLS AND JUST BALLS.

10\2 CANNOT BELIEVE THEY TOOK ALL THE BUSES FROM WALSALL OFF LAST NIGHT LEAVING PEOPLE TO WALK HOME OR GET TAXIS. JUST FOR A BIT OF SNOW. RISE UP IN YOUR MASSES AND DRAG THEM FROM THEIR IVORY TOWERS!

8\2  HAPPY SNOWDAY!

THANK GOD I MISSED THAT LOAD OF RUBBISH LAST NIGHT. I THINK NURSIE PUT IT QUITE SUCCINCTLY IN HIS EMAIL

VALENTINE'S DAY POSTING   

JUST A REMINDER AFTER LAST YEARS HASSLE - THOSE OF YOU WISHING TO SEND ME VALENTINE'S CARDS AND PACKAGES SHOULD POST EARLY. LONG TIME READERS WILL REMEMBER THE DISAPPOINTMENT OF LAST YEAR WHEN ROYAL MAIL SIMPLY COULD NOT COPE WITH THE SUDDEN INFLUX AND I RECEIVED SEVERAL HUNDREDS OF CARDS A DAY LATE. POST NOW TO AVOID MY DISAPPOINTMENT. WITH YOUR HELP AND MY MEDICATION WE CAN ALL GET THROUGH THIS THING....

6\2\07 HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SISTER ALISON!!! 107 TODAY OR FEELS LIKE IT!

COME ON!! TOMORROW ENGLAND - EVEN BECKHAMLESS AND WITH  'RED ONION' McCLAREN WE CAN BEAT THE BULL BAITERS - GIVE US SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF AGAIN!!!

5\2\07 POWER OFF IN THOUSANDS OF WALSALL HAMLETS AT THE MOMENT - OURS HAS SIMPLY GONE OFF AND COME ON AGAIN TWICE SO FAR.

5\2\07 IGNORANCE OF THE LANGUAGE IS NOT AN EXCUSE MR BENITEZ - I WOULD NOT GO TO MANAGE A SECOND RATE TEAM IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY UNLESS I COULD PARLEZ THE LINGO MY OLD COCKER!! TO DO SO WOULD BE REALLY CROMULENT.

"HI, I AM OW YOU SAY GOING UP THE LADIES BY MISTAKE."

ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF BENITEZ-SPEAK.

4\2\07 UNITED CRUSH THE POND LIFE 4.0! THIS DESPITE JOHN O'SHEA HAVING TO GO IN GOAL FOR WHAT SEEMED TO ME TO BE THREE QUARTERS OF THE MATCH.

RONNY SCORED A PENALTY AFTER BEING LUCKY NOT TO LOSE A LEG FOLLOWING A FIERCE TACKLE BY A SPURS GOBLIN.

3\2\07 DESPITE THE NEW MANCHESTER CASINO CRAP GAMES WILL STILL BE PLAYED AT CITY'S GROUND...

1\2\07 'WHITE RABBITS!!!' CHANGED MUSIC ON  PREVIOUS NEWS ARCHIVED

31\1\07 LIKE ME WAYNE LOVES HIS CHIPS. UNLIKE ME HE HAS THEM TWICE A WEEK.

HUBBLE PICTURE OF THE GALAXY - IT ALWAYS FILLS ME WITH AWE TO REALISE ROONY AND RONNY ARE THE BEST 2 FOOTBALLERS IN IT...

VERY SAD SUE AND MIK GIVING UP THE BRICKS. I FEEL THE BREWERY HAD THEIR CARD MARKED. NORMAL SERVICE WILL BE RESUMED IN ARBOR.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stairway_to_Heaven

Scroll down and under 'satanic claims' play the file -weird eh? Perhaps goes to show you can make anything into what you want it to be.

29\1\07 DAVE E. BOUGHT A CAR TODAY - A RENAULT MEGANE SCENIC

AS SENT VIA THE WELSH DON'S PHONE EARLIER

29\1\07 HOW DARE THAT GRANNY TRY TO DENY HAVING DONE THE WILD THANG WITH WAYNE ROONEY. PERSONALLY I THINK HE IS SUCH A NATIONAL TREASURE THAT ALL THE WOMEN OF ENGLAND SHOULD BE MADE AVAILABLE TO HIM AND INDEED, ME.

29\1 GREAT PERFORMANCE BY ROONEY YESTERDAY WITH A CHIP THAT MIRRORED A FAMOUS CANTONA GOAL OF YESTERYEAR. SOMETIMES WONDER IF ROON IS FEELING OVERSHADOWED BY RONALDO AT TIMES AND INTERESTING HE TURNED IT ON WITH RONNY NOT EVEN ON THE BENCH.

26\1\07 HER NAME IS JO SHE'S GOT TO GO!!!!  BOOT 'ER OUT!!!!!!!!

25\1\07 RELIEF TO GET NURSIE'S UNCLE KEN'S FUNERAL OUT OF THE WAY YESTERDAY. NURSIE DID A GREAT JOB WITH THE EULOGY. WHAT A GUY. THE SULTAN WAS AN ALL ROUND GOOD EGG AS USUAL.

22\1\07 DAD HAD TO SEE A SPECIALIST AT THE LOCAL HOSPITAL TODAY - I WON'T NAME IT TO PROTECT THE GUILTY. THEY ENDED UP SEEING HIS UNDERSTUDY. "IT'S VERY BUSY TODAY" REMARKED MY MOTHER THE NOBLE PATRICIA. "IT ALWAYS IS ON A THURSDAY" REMARKED THE STAND IN. IT'S FECKIN' MONDAY TODAY. IS THERE ANY HOPE?

21\1\07 UNITED 1 SCUM 2 - WELL - THAT'S RUINED THE WEEK AND IT'S ONLY JUST STARTED

ARSE-NAL DEFENDERS FAIL TO SUBDUE WAYNE ROONEY BEFORE HE SCORES THE FIRST GOAL

BUT HAVE TO SAY GREAT GOAL BY VAN PUSSY. ISN'T HE HANDSOME. SHAME ABOUT THE TOE.

18\1 FAT, UGLY, OBNOXIOUS, SELF OPINIONATED - ENOUGH OF ME - AT LEAST I HAVE A GREAT DEAL OF PERSONAL CHARM, CHARISMA AND MODESTY WITH  GREAT HAIR AND BLUE EYES WITH A STEELY GLINT. WHAT HAS THAT GOODY CREATURE GOT. CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HER FALL FROM THE LOFTY CELEBRITY STATUS SHE DOESN'T DESERVE. VOTE HER OUT NOW.

18\1 NEARLY GOT KILLED EARLIER WHEN SOMETHING BLEW OFF A BUILDING IN THE VILLAGE AND JUST MISSED ME. (TURNED OUT TO BE A FULL PANE OF GLASS) STILL PUTTING STUFF BACK ON COMPUTER - IF IT CRASHES AGAIN I'M HEADING FOR THE NEAREST TREE.

18\7 BIT OF A NIGHTMARE WITH THE COMPUTER - HAD TO RESET IT TO FACTORY STATE SO I'VE LOST A LOT OF STUFF UNFORTUNATELY. BEEN SETTING IT UP AGAIN ALL DAY. ABOUT 160 WINDOWS UPDATES DAINT HELP.

MARK'S UNCLE KEN'S FUNERAL IS NEXT WEDNESDAY AT 10.00.

14\1\07 NURSIE - VERY SORRY TO HEAR THE NEWS - I KNOW YOU KNOW I'M ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU MATE.

13\1 - ANOTHER FINE WIN FOR THE LADS BUT ROONEY'S FORM CONTINUES TO WORRY ME

THE THEATRE OF DREAMS AS IT WAS EARLIER TODAY. PIC TAKEN BY MY MAN IN THE GROUND ANDY P.

A REMINDER FROM MY SITE EARLIER IN THE YEAR OF HOW IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN

10\1\06 NOTE THIS FRIDAY IS MARK I. (NURSIE'S) BIRTHDAY - THERE WILL BE A SMALL CELEBRATION ATTENDED BY THE MAYOR AND MAYORESS OF WALSALL AND BASIL BRUSH.

OTHER MOMENTOUS EVENTS WHICH HAVE TAKEN PLACE ON ON JANUARY 12TH

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/January_12

MARK SHARES HIS BIRTHDAY WITH NEW COUNTDOWN PRESENTER DES O'CONNOR, KIRSTIE ALLEY OF CHEERS FAME AND 'GOLDEN' BOND GIRL SHIRLEY EATON

8\1\07 GHOSTS SPOTTED IN WALSALL TOWN CENTRE

8\1\07 EXCERPT FROM AN EMAIL I RECEIVED TODAY FROM ANDY P. - "...went shopping to haunted Clive Marks shop on Saturday. It is opposite BHS up escalators and the staff have had 3 vicars visit to try to rid selves of aggressive supernatural presence - the lights went off while we were there and the staff took us into store room where "he" smashed some glass and threw bottles. There are marks on ceiling where "he" threw things about in the past."

7\1\07 AS I LOOK BACK ON THE YEAR PROBABLY THE STAND OUT HAS BEEN THE WORLD CUP, WHICH WE SHOULD HAVE WON IF: OWEN DIDN'T FALL OVER HIS OWN FEET WITHIN SECONDS OF COMING ON, ROONEY DIDN'T GET SENT OFF (AFTER GOD HAD CURED HIS FOOT) AND LAMPARD HADN'T PLAYED LIKE A GIRL. SVEN AND STRIKERS ARE JUST A RED HERRING. BECKHAM BECAME THE SCAPEGOAT DESPITE PLAYING BETTER THAN LAMPARD CERTAINLY. I HAVE PLAYED THE PORTUGAL GAME SEVERAL TIMES SINCE ON PRO EVOLUTION SOCCER AND THIS PROVES WE SHOULD HAVE WON! OF ALL THE TIMES SINCE 66 THIS WAS FOR ME THE MOST DISAPPOINTING RIVALLING OUR 96 EUROS EXIT WHICH I WATCHED IN 'THE PUNCH AND JUDY' IN BOURNEMOUTH AND REALISED TO MY HORROR I WAS DRINKING GERMAN LAGER.

I'LL LET IT SNOW ON THE SITE A WHILE LONGER - IT'S THE CLOSEST ANYONE IS LIABLE TO GET TO THE REAL THING THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING. EVENTUALLY SOME KIDS IN THIS COUNTRY WILL NEVER HAVE SEEN SNOW. THAT ICE HOTEL http://www.icehotel.com/  HAD TO ACTUALLY BRING FREEZERS IN LAST YEAR AS THE TEMPERATURE ROSE ENOUGH TO THREATEN TO MELT THE BUGGER! STILL YOU GET DICKHEADS WHO FAIL TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE PROBLEMS WE ARE CREATING FOR FUTURE GENERATIONS BY CARBON EMISSIONS. THEY WON'T SAY THAT WHEN THEY ARE BEING ROGERED BY A WOOLY MAMMOTH IN THE NEXT ICE AGE...GIBBER.

SPEAKING OF CARBON EMISSIONS - WITCH BURNING! THERE HASN'T BEEN A WITCH BURNING IN WALSALL FOR OVER 20 YEARS BUT I MUST ADMIT MUCH AS I LIKED TO GO TO THEM I NEVER REALISED WHY WE WERE BURNING AS OPPOSED TO SAY HANGING OR BROILING - ANSWER IS HERE - http://www.shanmonster.com/witch/torture/burning.html

6\1\07 - TWELFTH NIGHT -OH GAWD - WORST DAY OF THE YEAR.

IF LIKE ME YOU ARE FASCINATED BY TOAST BUT LACK SPECIALIST HELP GO HERE - http://www.drtoast.com/departments/ask-dr-toast/

3\12 UPDATED  THE LADIES PAGE

31\12\06 CHRISTMAS EVE IN ARBOR PICS -  http://www.christhedon.com/XmasEve.html  HAPPY NEW YEAR ONE AND ALL!! AND LETS NOT FORGET TO REMEMBER THE LESS FORTUNATE PEOPLE THIS CHRISTMAS LIKE CHELSEA AND ARSENAL SUPPORTERS.

HOPE YOU ARE ALL ENJOYING CHRISTMAS! PARDON ME FOR LACK OF UPDATES - UPDATE AND PICS COMING TOMORROW! GREAT THAT AS WELL AS PETE FROM SCOTLAND, ROB FROM LONDON AND DAVE FROM WALES ALL MADE IT TO WALSALL THIS YEAR.

23\12 UNITED GIVE THEIR FOLLOWERS AN EARLY CHRISTMAS PRESENT WITH A GOOD WIN AT VILLA

CRISTIANO - PORTUGUESE GIT TO MAN UTD HERO IN THE SPACE OF A FEW SHORT MONTHS

23\12 DEFINITELY SOME IMPROVEMENT IN NURSIE'S CONDITION AS CROWDS OF WELL WISHERS WAIT ON BENCHES OUTSIDE HIS WALSALL RESIDENCE

21\12 NURSIE STILL OFF SICK - POSSIBLE KIDNEY STONES. SEES DOCTOR AGAIN NEXT WEEK. ALL LOVE AND BEST WISHES FOR A SPEEDY RECOVERY.

 

Well Mr. Ingram, it may not be kidney stones after all.

 

21\12 ENJOYED WATCHING 'TOMBSTONE' VERY MUCH LAST NIGHT - I'D FORGOTTEN HOW GOOD IT WAS.

CAN'T THINK OF ANY GOD WHO WOULD REQUIRE A WOMAN'S FACE TO BE HIDDEN - OR MAN FOR THAT MATTER - ANY WOMAN WHO SEES MY FACE ALWAYS FINDS IT AN EXPERIENCE. THEY ALWAYS SAY THAT BEFORE THEY TURN PUCE AND RUN OFF.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puce

PETER D OF EDINBURGH ENJOYING CHRISTMAS - AND WHO WOULDN'T??

18\12 NURSIE IS NOT VERY WELL AT THE MOMENT AND OFF SICK - BEST WISHES TO HIM FOR A SPEEDY RECOVERY.

CONGRATULATIONS DETTY!

18\12 Yesterday dear reader I was completely crushed at golf by Detlef who took possession of our little invisible trophy in fitting fashion with one of his best performances of this or any year. I was never remotely in it. As consolation Detlef and I beat the Sultan and Luca as a team but in actual fact Detlef did this single - handedly. The Sultan - who also had a mare - being 7 off the tee on one hole - beat me by 1 shot just for a change pushing me to 4th. Luca was a worthy second. Congratulations and a merry Christmas Detlef my dear friend - Those who have met you like you very much and those that haven't met you wish they had. You could be English!!! No it's not too great a compliment - I really mean it!!!

SEASON 2006 - SCORE 31-24 TO THE KAISER!

ALSO HATS OFF TO MAN UTD FOR MAKING THE PREMIERSHIP RACE MORE INTERESTING. WHAT A WEEKEND!! DOH!!!!

TRAILER FOR THE SIMPSONS FULL LENGTH MOVIE COMING OUT NEXT SUMMER!!! http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox/thesimpsonsmovie/trailer_large.html

CHRISTMAS IS A TIME FOR LOVE - I'VE GOT TO SAY TO HATE IS A TERRIBLE DESTRUCTIVE THING AND I'VE RARELY DONE IT - BUT TO LOVE IS THE THING THAT HAS HURT ME MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN LIFE - AND I'M SURE THAT IS TRUE FOR MANY PEOPLE - BUT IT'S SOMETHING WE CAN'T HELP AND I FOR ONE WILL KEEP DOING IT BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT MAKES US HUMAN BEINGS! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL MY LOVED ONES PAST AND PRESENT.

R.I.P PETER BOYLE - PASSED AWAY 12TH DECEMBER - I JUST HEARD. BEST KNOWN FOR HIS ROLE IN THE EXCELLENT 'EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND' HE ALSO WON AN EMMY AWARD IN 1996 AS OUTSTANDING GUEST ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES FOR HIS APPEARANCE IN THE X-FILES EPISODE 'CLYDE BRUCKMAN'S FINAL REPOSE'. I FIRST CLOCKED HIM AS THE MONSTER IN 'YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Boyle

HAD MY ANNUAL CHRISTMAS CARD FROM THE MATHEMATICAL MAFIA - THEY MAKE YOU AN OFFER YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND.

14\12 NOT A GREAT PIC BUT THE FIRE AND THE TREE IN THE BRICKS TAKEN A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO - FORGOT I'D TAKEN IT

13\12 DAD'S BEEN TO SEE THE SPECIALIST TODAY - ALL WELL WITH THE BIG C. GREAT NEWS.

r

GRATUITOUS CUTE KITTEN PICTURE - SO SUE ME!

 

12\12 HAPPY BIRTHDAY EDVARD MUNCH

HIM WHAT PAINTED THIS INIT -

    HEY KIDS!!!

SITE DEDICATED TO RAYMOND BRIGGS - http://www.toonhound.com/briggs.htm

INFORMATION ON FATHER CHRISTMAS - HOW TO CONTACT ETC - http://www.woodlands-junior.kent.sch.uk/customs/Xmas/santa.html

AS THEY HAVE FOR THE LAST 50 YEARS NORAD (NORTH AMERICAN AEROSPACE DEFENCE COMMAND) WILL TAKE A BREAK FROM ALIEN HUNTING TO TRACK SANTA'S SLEIGH ON CHRISTMAS EVE AS HE WENDS HIS WAY ACROSS THE GLOBE. NORAD SITE - http://www.noradsanta.org/index.php

RUDOLPH IS STRUGGLING WITH A 4TH METATARSAL INJURY THIS YEAR - HE IS EXPECTED TO BE FIT AND ELFY FOR CHRISTMAS EVE BUT A RESERVE WAITS IN THE WINGS

11\12 WRAPPED PRESENTS BY THE TREE LAST NIGHT - I THINK THAT'S MY FAVOURITE PART OF CHRISTMAS THINKING ABOUT IT.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUSIE!!!

2006 SOUTHERN COUNTIES DIVING CHAMPIONSHIPS

10\12 WHAT AN HYSTERICALLY FUNNY MATCH! THANK YOU ARSENAL I LOVE YOU. I'M A GOONER FOR THE DAY. ALL TEAMS SHOULD BE FRENCH AND BORING AND MR OBSCENE WHINGER IS A  LITTLE TREASURE FULL OF GALLIC INTEGRITY AND CHARM. 8 POINTS CLEAR NOW UNITED. ACTUALLY IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN AN ARSENAL WIN AS THE CHELSEA GOAL CAME AFTER A FOUL BY RODENT DEFENDER ARSLEY COLE.

A WONDERFUL GIT, SORRY - MAN

9\12 ANOTHER HARD FOUGHT WIN BY UNITED AGAINST CITY FOLLOWING OUR DEMOLITION OF BENFICA IN THE WEEK. 9 POINTS CLEAR OF CHELSEA NOW - CAN THEY COPE WITH HAVING TO PLAY CATCHUP?

I'VE HAD AN AWFUL WEEK ONE WAY AND THE OTHER DEAR READERS SO AMAZINGLY FOR 'MR CHRISTMAS' I'M STRUGGLING TO FEEL CHRISTMASSY AT THE MOMENT BUT HOPEFULLY I'M WRAPPING CHRISTMAS PRESENTS TOMORROW NIGHT BY THE TREE SO THAT'LL DO IT IF ANYTHING DOES. JINGLE BELLS.

SAW PHIL THE HAT YESTERDAY - SORRY TO HEAR HE HAD FOUND OUT LAST FRIDAY HIS MOTHER HAD DIED AND WAS BURIED LAST OCTOBER!

KEEPING IN TOUCH WITH JIM G. BY EMAIL - HE WON'T BE RETURNING TO WORK TILL THE NEW YEAR.

5\12 WELL I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY HONEST PERSON IN THE WALSALL AREA BUT THIS EVENING COUNT DETLEF OF LICHFIELD AND SURROUNDING DISTRICTS EMAILED ME TO INFORM ME I HAD ONE MORE POINT IN THE GOLF THIS YEAR THAN I HAD BELIEVED. SCORE IS ACTUALLY 29.24 TO THE MUNCHEN MARVEL. TONIGHT WHEN HER HIGHNESS THE COUNTESS JANE FLUFFS UP HIS COFFIN HE WILL SLEEP IN THE SOIL OF HIS NATIVE LAND IN THE SORT OF UNDISTURBED MANNER ONLY THE VERY INNOCENT OR VERY DRUGGED CAN ACHIEVE. REST WELL MY FRIEND, STEEL YOURSELF FOR BATTLE ANEW!! NURSE! MY TABLETS!!

DETLEF ENJOYING A FLASK OF HOME MADE 'GROG' AFTER A ROUND

PURITY TEST - http://www.armory.com/tests/niceness.html

BOLDMERE TODAY. LUCA AND THE SULTAN WERE OFF AT A MEETING OF THEIR CLUB 'THE SONS OF THE DESERT' SO DETLEF AND I HAD TO PLAY WITH OURSELVES. HE SEEMED MORE USED TO IT THAN ME BUT ALTHOUGH I WAS SLOW TO START OFF I SOON GOT INTO MY RHYTHM.

THERE WERE 6 TEMPORARY GREENS OWING TO THE HEAVY RAIN IN THE NIGHT ALTHOUGH IT WASN'T TOO MUDDY AND THE LOW AUTUMN SUN IN OUR EYES WAS MORE OF A PROBLEM. IT WAS  A TOPSY - TURVY GAME WITH EACH OF US 4 SHOTS UP ON THE OTHER AT DIFFERENT POINTS. NOT ONE WE WOULD WRITE HOME ABOUT AND IN THE END I WAS FORTUNATE TO WIN BY ONE SHOT - SCORE 29-23 TO HIM. ALWAYS A PLEASURE TO PLAY WITH THE OLD MAESTRO WIN OR LOSE. AGE DOES NOT WITHER HIM NOR THE YEARS CONDEMN. HE IS STILL THE BRIGHT EYED YOUNG REVOLUTIONARY I MET ALL THOSE YEARS AGO ALTHOUGH THANKFULLY HE NO LONGER PLAYS IN LEATHER TROUSERS.

Lesson of the day.

The original sense of "topsy-turvy" when it first appeared around 1530 was simply "upside down" or "with the top where the bottom should be." This sense is still in use, although the figurative meaning of "mixed up" or "in disarray" is perhaps more common today.

If we separate the two parts of "topsy-turvy," the term is a bit easier to decode. The "topsy" element is simply an elaboration of the word "top." The "turvy" part is somewhat more obscure, but most likely is derived from the obsolete verb "terve," meaning "to turn over or topple down." The specific form "topsy-turvy" probably owes its longevity both to its "T" alliteration and to what linguists call "reduplication" -- the same sing-song effect found in "hoity-toity," "namby-pamby" and other popular phrases.

 

ACTUALLY MARK I. IS A BIT LIKE GEORGE BAILEY ISN'T HE?

2\12 GOOD HARD FOUGHT WIN TODAY UNITED.

 THE COUSINS BOW OUT OF GOLF TOMORROW - LUCA IS WORKING AND THE SULTAN IS MOVING HOUSE THIS WEEKEND FROM WALSALL'S SHANTY TOWN TO NOB HILL. WELL STAFFORD STREET ANYWAY. IF I PLAY TOMORROW IT  MAY BE THE LAST TIME I PLAY THIS YEAR. DETLEF HAS DESERVEDLY WON OVER THE YEAR BUT I'LL TRY TO BOW OUT WITH A VICTORY.

28\11 COMPLETE TEXT TO THE EXCELLENT HUMOROUS NOVEL 'DIARY OF A NOBODY -

http://www.pseudopodium.org/repress/DiaryOfANobody/

27\11 HAD A LIFT OFF DAVE M. THE OLD FIRMS EX HOUSING MANAGER THIS MORNING.THIS WAS IN KINGSTANDING OF ALL PLACES. HE THOUGHT I WAS STILL THERE! NICE TO SEE HIM. HE HAS MY EMAIL ADDRESS SO HOPEFULLY I WILL BE ABLE TO KEEP IN TOUCH.

27\11 THIS CHRISTMAS LEMMINGS GAME IS STILL GREAT FUN - http://www.dosgamesarchive.com/download/game/156 - DONT BOTHER WITH THE 'INSTALL' ICON JUST DOUBLE CLICK 'LEMMINGS' THEN CHOOSE OPTION 1 AND AGAIN OPTION 1. OF COURSE IF YOU WANT THE NICE CHRISTMASSY MUSIC THATS A BIT MORE COMPLICATED IF YOU ARE RUNNING 'XP' - AS IT'S A 'DOS' GAME - EMAIL ME IF YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW AT Mr Christmas

CHRISTIANS V CHRISTMAS

WHAT UTTER B******S - http://www.thercg.org/youth/articles/0312-rtcs.html PEOPLE LIKE THIS ARE DANGEROUS.

THIS SITE HAS IT RIGHT http://mymerrychristmas.com/

26\11 NO GOLF AGAIN THIS WEEKEND BUT HOPEFULLY DETLEF AND I WILL AGAIN PLAY THE SULTAN AND LUCA AT BOLDMERE NEXT WEEKEND ALTHOUGH I HAVE YET TO RECEIVE ANY CONFIRMATION FROM THEIR AIDES.

I'VE MOVED A LOT OF OLDER STUFF INTO THE 'PREVIOUS' SECTION

http://www.christhedon.com/Previous.html

26\11 - SAW THE UNITED MATCH EARLIER ON THE PC - REDEMPTION FOR SAHA AFTER GREAT ROONEY PASS - BUT SHOULD HAVE SCORED MORE GOALS IN THE FIRST HALF ALTHOUGH AS SENNA THE SOOTHSAYER (ROB M) SAID EARLIER WE WERE UNDER THE COSH A BIT MORE IN THE SECOND HALF - ALTHOUGH HE DIDN'T SAY BIT. I'M SURE HE WOULD AGREE THOUGH -THAT WAS THE BEST PERFORMANCE CARRICK HAS GIVEN FOR UNITED THUS FAR

JIM G. EMAILED ME YESTERDAY - I'M SORRY TO HEAR HE HAS BEEN QUITE POORLY - BUT ON THE MEND NOW APPARENTLY

24\11 SOMETIMES ITS HARD TO FIND THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT - THIS IS A PARTICULARLY TESTING TIME IN MY LIFE AND I HAD WONDERED - BUT FOR WHATEVER REASON IT GOT ME AGAIN TONIGHT SO I'M AFRAID I'M LOVING MY FELLOW MAN AND WOMAN TILL 12TH NIGHT - THEN WATCH OUT!!

SAW 'LITTLE JOHN' TONIGHT - HIS WIFE HAD BEEN VERY POORLY BUT THANKFULLY PICKING UP NOW.

HI - WE'RE BACK - AFTER A COUPLE OF DAYS OFF AIR IN RESPECT FOR LESLEY - TELL YOU WHAT - HOPE SHE GETS THE JOB AS MY GUARDIAN ANGEL - CAN'T THINK OF A BETTER ONE! NOW I KNOW LESLEY WOULD WANT US TO STILL ENJOY CHRISTMAS - SO LETS ALL HAVE A BASH!!

PETER D. OF EDINBURGH DOING HIS GEORGE MICHAEL IMPERSONATION IN KEY WEST FLORIDA. OR IS IT GEORGE MICHAEL DOING A PETER D. IMPERSONATION?

SAHA FEATURES AS MISS JANUARY IN THE NEW UNITED 2007 CALENDAR

22\11 WELL DONE LAST NIGHT CELTIC. GREAT FREE KICK AFTER A BLATANT DIVE. WHY OH WHY DIDN'T ROONEY TAKE THE PENALTY???

21\11 AN OLD WORK FRIEND OF MINE LESLEY E. IS VERY POORLY AT THE MOMENT IN INTENSIVE CARE IN HOSPITAL. SHE IS A VERY KIND GENUINE PERSON AND MY PRAYERS AND BEST WISHES GO OUT TO HER AND HER FAMILY. THANKS TO THE 4 SEPARATE PEOPLE WHO MADE ME AWARE OF THIS UNHAPPY TURN OF EVENTS.

SADLY LESLEY DIED 22\11. SHE WAS ALWAYS VERY NICE TO ME. ALTHOUGH I HADN'T SEEN HER FOR A LONG TIME I ALWAYS FELT GOOD TO KNOW SHE WAS STILL AROUND.

20\11 PETE D. TEXTS ME TO SAY SCISSORS WERE ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. HE TELLS ME THEY ARE PLAYING THE BARROWLANDS GLASGOW TONIGHT AND THE PERFORMANCE IS BEING FILMED FOR A DVD COMING OUT IN 2007.

DAVE E. IS MISSING! - IF YOU SEE HIM OR ANYONE RESEMBLING HIM PLEASE CONTACT NURSIE (PICTURED) WHO WILL MAKE SURE HE COMES TO NO HARM. WHY DO MOST OF MY FRIENDS LOOK LIKE MASS MURDERERS? (APART FROM THE FACT THEY ARE OF COURSE) ANSWERS ON A POSTCARD PLEASE.

20\11 HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROB M (FRIEND TO THE STARS)!

TAKEN A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO - HE WAS MUCH YOUNGER THEN

 SPOKE TO ROB EARLIER - HE HAS BEEN WHISKED OFF TO SPAIN BY THE LOVELY JAN. WEATHER IS GORGEOUS.

PETER D WAS OFF TO SEE THE SCISSOR SISTERS IN CONCERT OVER THE WEEKEND LUCKY MAN.

PLAYED GOLF YESTERDAY AT BOLDMERE. DETLEF AND I BEAT THE SULTAN AND LUCA 2&1 - I PLAYED WELL TO START AND ABYSMALLY TO FINISH - AND DETLEF FORTUNATELY DID THE EXACT OPPOSITE SO IT WAS A GOOD TEAM EFFORT. DETLEF AND JOHN BEAT ME BUT AS I BEAT DETLEF BY MORE SHOTS LAST TIME OUT WE BOTH GET A POINT. SCORE 29-22 TO HIM.

18\11 UNITED MARCH ON - 2 GOALS FROM ROONEY TO WIN 2.1 AFTER CONCEDING AN EARLY GOAL. RONALDO'S SHOT A CANDIDATE FOR MISS OF THE SEASON. TWO EXCITING GAMES NEXT - CELTIC ON TUESDAY AND CHELSKI NEXT SUNDAY

17\11 FAMOUS LAST WORDS -

 Aretino, Pietro (1492-1556)
"Now I'm oiled. Keep me from the rats."

Astor, Lady Nancy Witcher Langhorne (1879-1964)
"Am I dying or is is this my birthday?"

Bouhours, Dominique (1628-1702)
"I am about to--or I am going to--die; either expression is used."
(Dominique Bouhours was a pre-eminent French Jesuit grammarian who worked endlessly to promote a high standard of correctness and purity in the French language).


 

16\11 WHAT A BORING GAME LAST NIGHT - BUT AT LEAST ROONEY SCORED.

AT SOME POINT I'D LOST SOME OF THE PICTURES AND INFO RIGHT AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE INCLUDING THE FOX! NOW RESTORED.

14\11 DETLEF CONFIRMS SUNDAY AND I THINK LUCA DOES BY HIS SILENCE. HE IS MEAN MOODY AND MAGNIFICENT IF YOU ASK ME.

14\11 COMPUTER DIED AND HAD TO SEE A DOCTOR - KNEW IT WAS A HARDWARE PROBLEM AND PROBABLY THE POWER SUPPLY - BUT AS I DIDN'T HAVE A COMPATIBLE ONE IN MY OTHER SUIT TO TRY INSTEAD HAD TO CALL IN THE PROFESSIONALS. I WORRIED SLIGHTLY WHEN HE PULLED UP IN A SPORTS CAR. £111.43 LATER I'M UP AND RUNNING AGAIN - BUT HE CAN'T GUARANTEE THE DAMAGED POWER SUPPLY DIDN'T IN TURN DAMAGE THE MOTHERBOARD - SO FINGERS CROSSED. I COULD HAVE BOUGHT THE SUPPLY AND FITTED IT FOR £40 INCLUDING CHARGING MYSELF LABOUR. INCREDIBLY THE DIMWITS AT DEFUNCT CON ARTIST COMPUTER FIRM TINY HAD FITTED A 250 WATT POWER SUPPLY TO MY AMD ATHLON 3400+ 2 DVD DRIVE I GIG RAM PC SO IT'S A WONDER IT DIDN'T BLOW EARLIER THE HAMMERING I GIVE IT. STILL IT HAD TO BE FIXED AS I KNOW THIS SITE IS ALL SOME PEOPLE HAVE GOT...OR IS THAT ME?

MANY THANKS TO DAVE FOR CHECKING MY EBAY ACCOUNT FOR ME. DAVE NOW HAS MY EBAY AS WELL AS MY BANK PASSWORDS AND WAS LAST SEEN AT HEATHROW AIRPORT.

12\11 COMPUTER WORSE IF ANYTHING - TOOK ME HOURS TO GET IT BACK ON SO THIS MAY BE A VALEDICTORY STATEMENT.

12\11 WALSALL NURSE AND BUSINESSMAN MARK I.'S SON JACK A MARCHING IN TODAY'S REMEMBRANCE DAY PARADE AT WALSALL CENOTAPH. MARK I. WITH TYPICAL DARK - SIDE CUNNING TOLD ME HE WAS GOING TO WEAR A POPPY SO I WOULD BE ABLE TO FIND HIM.

12\11 PETE D. FROM EDINBURGH EMAILS ME TO TELL ME NOT ONLY DOES HE LIKE KASABIAN BUT HAS BOTH CDS AND IS GOING TO SEE THEM IN DECEMBER. GET HER.

NOT FAR OFF HAVING DONE ALL CHRISTMAS SHOPPING NOW - YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT IS ROUND THE CORNER.

11\11 GETTING COMPUTER TO BOOT UP ABOUT ONE TIME IN 45 BUT MANAGED TO GET IT ON IN TIME TO SEE UNITED BEAT SPARKY'S BLACKBURN. ITS NOTHING OBVIOUS SO I WILL BE HAVING TO GET IT FIXED.

JOHN CONFIRMS ATTENDANCE NEXT SUNDAY. YET TO HEAR OFF DETLEF AND LUCA.

NICE TO BE A WARM UP ACT FOR BIB ON FRIDAY NIGHT.

COVENTRY CATHEDRAL THURSDAY.

8\11 NO GOLF THIS WEEKEND I'M AFRAID BUT HOPEFULLY I CAN PERSUADE THE COUSINS TO COME OUT OF SEMI RETIREMENT FOR A SOUND THRASHING WEEKEND AFTER THIS.

CONGRATULATIONS HILARY - WILL THIS WOMAN BE FIRST FEMALE U.S PRESIDENT?

PREVIOUS LESS SUCCESSFUL FEMALE POLITICIANS. FILE UNDER 'BARKING'

CONGRATULATIONS SOUTHEND - YOU DESERVED TO WIN - WE WERE PATHETIC.

GREAT TO UNEXPECTEDLY MEET UP WITH DAVE AGAIN ON MONDAY AND ALSO SEE KEITH W. FOR THE FIRST TIME ON AGES. DAVE IS HOME AGAIN NOW BUT WILL BE BACK WEEKEND AFTER NEXT.

6\11 -  IF UPDATES PROVE INTERMITTENT I'M HAVING MAJOR PROBLEMS WITH MY BELOVED PC AT THE MOMENT AND I'M AMAZED TO BE ON IT NOW.

PLAYED GOLF YESTERDAY WITH DET AND ROB M. AT BOLDMERE - FIRST TIME I'D PLAYED FOR SEVERAL WEEKS OWING TO ILLNESS ON MY PART AND GLOBETROTTING BY DET. I WAS 14 OVER DESPITE MISSING A GIMME ON THE LAST AND BEAT DET BY A GOOD FEW SO SCORE NOW 28-21 TO HIM. UNEXPECTEDLY FANTASTIC WEATHER FOR GOLF ALTHOUGH MY THERMALS MADE A FIRST WINTER OUTING. I NEARLY CAUGHT THEM UP ON THE 17TH. ALSO WORE MY WOOLY UNDERPANTS BOUGHT FOR ME BY THE LADY JANE THE MARCHIONESS OF SMETHWICK. REALLY ENJOYABLE DAY.

GREAT TO SEE DAVE E. THE BILL GATES OF ABERYSTWYTH ON FRIDAY NIGHT - HE WILL BE BACK AGAIN IN A FOURTNIGHT FOR ANOTHER PART OF HIS COURSE.

AS I ONLY GO OUT ON A FRIDAY IF THAT - LAST FRIDAY WAS THE FIRST TIME I SAW THIS HANDSOME PUMPKIN IN THE WORLD FAMOUS 'PRETTY BRICKS' CARVED BY NADIA - SUE AND MICK'S DAUGHTER. WOT A WOPPA!

INSPIRED BY 'THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS' - I THINK IT IS ALSO REMINISCENT OF THE INVISIBLE MONSTER IN 'FORBIDDEN PLANET'. ALSO JOHN B. WITH A HANGOVER.

2\11\06 DISAPPOINTING UNITED PERFORMANCE LAST NIGHT.

WATCHED 'RINGU' ON HALLOWEEN NIGHT - THE SUPERIOR JAPANESE VERSION OF 'THE RING' - ONCE AGAIN GENUINELY SCARY.

31\10 HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYBODY!!! WHETHER YOU ARE ADDING TO THE DEAD, RAISING THE DEAD, OR JUST DOING A BIT OF GRAVE ROBBING - HAVE A GOOD ONE!! I'M ALREADY TUCKING INTO MY HALLOWEEN STEW.

31\10 WATCHED THE ORIGINAL JAPANESE VERSION OF 'THE GRUDGE' LAST NIGHT - WHY DO THE JAPANESE DO THIS SO WELL? AND I BET IT DOESN'T COST A LOT IN SPECIAL EFFECTS EITHER - ITS THE SENSE OF TIMING AND USE OF THE MUSIC.

30/10 DIDN'T WATCH EMILY ROSE IN THE END - WENT FOR THE JAPANESE FILM 'THE EYE' WHICH THEY ARE ABOUT TO REMAKE FOR THE U.S PROBABLY STARRING JESSICA ALBA. DON'T KNOW WHY - THE JAPANESE ORIGINALS EVEN THOUGH SUBTITLED ARE ALWAYS BEST - AS IN 'THE RING'. WATCHED 'THE EYE' IN MY FAVOURITE MANNER - WITH SURROUND SOUND IN THE DARK AND I CAN HONESTLY SAY IT WAS GENUINELY SCARY!

FIXED THE 'PREVIOUS' LINK - WHICH WASN'T WORKING - THANKS TO ONE OF MY INUIT READERS FOR POINTING THAT OUT - HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD FISH HARVEST.

2 DAYS TO GO! DAVE SENT ME THIS PIC OF HIS FIREPLACE IN THE VALLEYS - NICE! PLEASE SEND ME PICS OF YOUR OWN HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS AND THE BEST ONES MAY APPEAR ON THIS SITE. AS A CHRISTIAN COUNTRY - WHICH WE STILL ARE WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO CELEBRATE HALLOWEEN!!!

29\10 WATCHED 'SAW' FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT - ORIGINAL AND SOME GENUINELY SCARY MOMENTS - BIT LIKE SE7EN IN A WAY. 'EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE' UP LATER.

THE LAST PERSON TO CROSS ME...

28\10 RETURN OF THE ROON!!!

YOU COULD HAVE PUT MONEY ON IT - THE FIRST TIME ROONEY SCORES AGAIN HE GETS 3. THAT'S WHAT HE WOULD HAVE DONE IN THE NEXT WORLD CUP MATCH.

27\10 WATCHED 'HOSTEL' LAST NIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME - DISTURBING OR WHAT? NOT WHAT I'D RECOMMEND AS A HALLOWEEN FILM REALLY - TOO VISCERAL. I THINK THE FRIDAY THE 13TH FILMS FOR EXAMPLE ALWAYS FEEL LIKE FANTASY - BUT 'HOSTEL' SEEMS TOO REAL SOMEHOW? AGREE? DISAGREE? MRCHRISTMAS@CHRISTHEDON.COM

I'M LIKING 'KASABIAN'S MUSIC VERY MUCH.

26\10 IT IS ILLEGAL TO TAKE A LION TO THE CINEMA IN BALTIMORE U.S.A - THERE'S MY WEEKEND SPOILT - WHAT A BITCH!

MORE STRANGE LAWS REGARDING ANIMALS - http://www.xmission.com/~emailbox/loonylaws.htm

24\10 HAVEN'T PLAYED GOLF SINCE 1ST OCTOBER AND DETLEF IS CURRENTLY IN ENEMY TERRITORY BUT ALL BEING WELL ROB M. FRIEND TO THE STARS IS COMING BACK FOR HIS MOM'S BIRTHDAY (WHAT IS IT WITH ALL THESE BIRTHDAYS??) WEEKEND AFTER NEXT AND DETLEF AND I WILL SHOW HIM HOW ITS DONE. SWEET. HOPEFULLY THE NEW SPORTING CRAZE OF TRYING TO EAT YOUR OPPONENTS WILL NOT SPREAD TO GOLF. AT LEAST IF IT DOES I WON'T HAVE TO PLUCK ROB FIRST. (IN JOKE.)

                                                                  A CARNIVOROUS ANIMAL                                   FEARSOME ENGLAND STRIKER JERMAIN DEFOE                                         

24\10 HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY ROON! WE LOVE YOU MAN!!!

BABY WAYNE - 12 MONTHS OLD AND ON EVERTON'S BOOKS

22\10 GREAT WIN FOR UNITED OVER A LACKLUSTRE LIVERPOOL. THANK YOU MR BENITEZ FOR ONLY BRINGING CROUCH ON AT THE END TO MAKE THINGS EVEN EASIER.

21\10 HAPPY 37TH BIRTHDAY LUCA!!!!

AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVE'S GRANDSON BRYAN!!!

REMEMBER ITS FRIDAY 13TH SO WATCH OUT FOR JASON VOORHEES -

LIST OF HIS VICTIMS SO FAR - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_deaths_in_the_Friday_the_13th_series

13\10 HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY MOM!!!

THE FAMILY CELEBRATES

OTHER FAMOUS PEOPLE BORN ON THIS DATE INCLUDING MAD MAGGIE

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/October_13
 

12\10 ANOTHER RED CABBAGE COCK UP EXPOSED TUESDAY NIGHT AS WALCOTT SCORES 2 GREAT GOALS AFTER BEING RELEGATED TO THE UNDER 21'S

"The 17-year-old showed he has the maturity to compete at the highest level with two clinical finishes that Henry himself would have been proud of." (THE TELEGRAPH)

AN AMOEBA - POSSIBLE REPLACEMENT FOR 'RED CABBAGE' STEVE MCLAREN

11\10 "THE HORROR.....THE HORROR" 

  OR 'HOW TO TAKE THE BEST TEAM IN THE WORLD CUP AND TURN THEM INTO A CONFERENCE SIDE'

OR 'HOW TO MAKE SVEN LOOK BRILLIANT'

WHY AM I NOT EVEN AN OPTION??

WHY AM I IN THE TEAM? SHALL I SHOOT MYSELF?

"WE WON'T CHANGE OUR MIND EVEN THOUGH WE ARE WRONG AND BRAIN DEAD MORONS WILL WE STEVE?" "YEAH, I KNOW TEL!"

THANKS TO DETLEF FOR HIS TEXT SUGGESTING ROBINSON'S MISS WAS DUE TO A GERMAN MOLE ON HOLIDAY!!!

11\10 WENT WITH LUCA TO THE DRIVING RANGE TODAY FOR FIRST TIME IN OVER A YEAR. THE PLANNED TRIP TO HATCHFORD BROOK WAS CALLED OFF OWING TO THE WEATHER. 

NICE TO HAVE PHONE CALLS OFF BOTH PETE IN SCOTLAND AND ROB IN LONDON TONIGHT.

DAVE THE WELSH DON ENQUIRED AFTER MY DAD EARLIER - THINGS GOING WELL TOUCH WOOD - ONLY HAS TO HAVE THE DRESSINGS CHANGED ALTERNATE DAYS NOW. MOM HAS PUT HER KNEE OUT THOUGH SO I HAVE BEEN COOK AS WELL AS BUTLER THE LAST FEW DAYS.

ENGLAND HORROR SHOW

6\10 BECKHAM - LESS ENGLAND LACK CLASS AND LEADERSHIP. ROONEY STILL OFF FORM. ONLY KING RULES.

"HEY STEVE WE'RE A COUPLE OF PILLOCKS" "YEAH I KNOW TEL"

5\10 HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY NEPHEW MATTHEW - 16 TODAY. WISH I WAS!

5\10 GOLF IS CANCELLED THIS WEEKEND UNFORTUNATELY. TIME IS RUNNING OUT - CAN I CATCH DETLEF NOW?

PETER D. IS OFF TO SEE 'SPARKS' IN CONCERT TONIGHT- THERE'S A BLAST FROM THE PAST. HOPEFULLY THAT WILL MAKE UP FOR THE SEVERE DISAPPOINTMENT OF ME NOT COMING UP TO SCOTLAND (SHOULD HAVE BEEN TODAY)

4\10 PLEASANT AUTUMNAL GAME ROUND BOLDMERE TODAY WITH LUCA - NOTHING SPECTACULAR FROM EITHER OF US (APART FROM WHEN I OFFERED UP MY BALL AS A SACRIFICE TO POSEIDON ON THE 18TH HOLE) BUT JUST AN ENJOYABLE GAME IN PLEASANT COMPANY.

3\10 RECEIVED A TEXT OFF PETER D. OF EDINBURGH ON SUNDAY - HE SAID HE HAD JUST SPENT 2 HOURS ON A PLANE WITH BILL MURRAY (A GOD IN MY EYES) AND DIDN'T REALISE WHO HE WAS TILL HE GOT OFF (WHY DOESN'T THIS SURPRISE ME?)

GOD WILLING NEXT SUNDAY'S BIG GAME IS THE OLD FIRM OF THE DON AND THE KAISER V THE SULTAN AND LUCA AT SUNNY TAMWORTH - HAVEN'T BEEN THERE IN A WHILE!

2\10 GOT IN JUST IN TIME TO WATCH THE SECOND HALF OF UNITEDS CONVINCING 2.0 WIN OVER NEWCASTLE YESTERDAY. ROONEY'S FORM IS WORRYING FOR ALL ENGLAND FANS THOUGH - ALTHOUGH YOU JUST FEEL WHEN HE GETS ONE GOAL HE WILL GET 3. GREAT DRAW FOR VILLA SATURDAY AGAINST CHELSKI AND SPLENDID WINS FOR WALSALL AND WEST BROM.

1\10 A GOOD DAY - DRAMA AND THUNDERSTORMS AS DETLEF FLOUNDERS AT PYPE HAYES

DEAR DIARY - TODAY ROB M. (FRIEND TO THE STARS) AND I TOOK ON THE KAISER AND THE SULTAN AT PYPE HAYES. AS I SUNK THE LAST KNEE KNOCKING TIDDLER ON THE LAST HOLE IT BECAME A MATCH WELL HALVED -  PARTLY PLAYED IN TORRENTIAL RAIN AND WITH THE ODD FLASH OF LIGHTNING TO KEEP US ON OUR TOES. AS WE STARTED WE WERE LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE FOLLOWING 'HELLS GRANDADS' ON GOLF MOTOR SCOOTERS. THEY STOPPED TO SHELTER ON THE THIRD TEE FROM HEAVEN'S FURY AND SHOWED NO SIGN OF MOVING ANYTIME QUICK. "EXCUSE ME" I SAID POLITELY, PRESENTING MY WINNING SMILE, "IS IT OK IF WE PLAY THROUGH?" "YES, **** OFF!! CAME THE SOMEWHAT TERSE REPLY. I TOOK IT AS A YES. I FINISHED TOP INDIVIDUALLY, BEATING JOHN BY 11 AND DETLEF BY 9 SHOTS - SO I GET THE 2 POINTS - 28 - 20 TO HIM. THE REAL JOHN DIDN'T TURN UP TODAY AS SUDDENLY SHOUTING IN THE RAIN "I'M MELTING! I'M MELTING!"  HE SIDESWIPED HIS 3RD SHOT TO THE LAST HOLE 90 DEGREES TO THE LEFT INTO DENSE THICKET. THIS WAS OBVIOUSLY A NONE GOLF PLAYING CLONE FORMED IN SOME ALIEN LABORATORY OR LAVATORY.  IF YOU HAVE SEEN THE REAL JOHN CONTACT ME ON Mr Christmas
  AS HIS FRIENDS MISS HIM. COME HOME JOHN. COME BACK TO EARTH.

DETLEF'S PUTTER ATTRACTS THE WRATH OF GOD ON THE 9TH HOLE. IT SAYS MUCH FOR THIS MAN THAT HE WENT ON TO HOLE THE PUTT BEFORE HIS LEFT ARM DROPPED OFF.

30\9 A BAD DAY -  BANJAXED AT BOLDMERE

I WASN'T FEELING TOO GOOD SATURDAY AND SOON FELT WORSE - THE RESULT OF THE CHALLENGE MATCH WAS THAT LUCA AND I WERE THRASHED 7 AND 5 BY THE KAISER AND THE SULTAN. IT WASN'T OUR FINEST HOUR. WE WERE BOTH BETTER LOOKING AND YOUNGER ON AGGREGATE BUT WE BOTH PLAYED BELOW OUR CAPABILITY AND THEY PLAYED MAGNIFICENTLY. DETLEF HAD 6 PARS IN THE FIRST 9 HOLES. DETLEF AND JOHN ALSO BEAT US INDIVIDUALLY SO IN OUR MATCH IT IS 28.19 TO HIM. DETLEF BEAT ME BY 6 SHOTS SO I NEEDED TO BEAT HIM BY MORE THAN THAT TO TAKE 2 POINTS OFF HIM SUNDAY.

THE DON AND LUCA GRAZE BETWEEN SHOTS ON THE 16TH HOLE.

29\9 EXCERPT FROM 'POPBITCH' - "The greatest British comedy of all time, Withnail
and I, is 20 years old! Check out the site and get
Withnail drunk for a chance to win a weekend away
in the good old English countryside"
http://www.withnaildvd.com/pb.html

27\9 A PLEASANT MORNINGS GOLF AT BOLDMERE IN THE COMPANY OF LUCA AND THE SULTAN OF SWANG'S SON DEAN WHO IS A VERY NICE CHAP AND WHACKS THE BALL LIKE PAPA (BUT HE HASN'T GOT THE HEREDITARY 3 SIXES ON HIS HEAD I NOTICED).

HISTORIC RYDER CUP WIN

THE VICTORS AND THE VANQUISHED

24\9 MANAGED TO WATCH FINAL DAY ON PC - COVERAGE BY N.B.C. GREAT PERFORMANCE EUROPE. THIS IS GETTING ONE SIDED NOW AND FORTUNES WILL NOT IMPROVE FOR THE U.S. NEXT TIME IN 2008 WHEN FALDO THE GOD WHO WALKS LIKE A MAN CAPTAINS THE SIDE AT VALHALLA COURSE IN LOUISVILLE AND CRUSHES THEM LIKE SO MANY ANTS. PERHAPS WE CAN EVEN AFFORD TO LET THE GERMANS PLAY NEXT TIME.

STUFFED TIGER

23\9 CONGRATULATIONS TO THE EUROPEANS - GREAT FIRST 2 DAYS - ONLY TIME I'VE REALLY MISSED NOT HAVING SKY. I'M WATCHING IT ON THE PC NOW ON A 5 HOUR DELAY! U.S.A HAVE COME BACK FROM WORSE POSITIONS THOUGH SO ITS NOT OVER YET.

THE SUPER HEAVYWEIGHTS PLAY WIDNEY

23\9 NICE MORNING AT WIDNEY MANOR YESTERDAY - THANK DE LAWD WE WEREN'T PLAYING DURING THE AFTERNOONS MONSOON. CAN DEFINITELY RECOMMEND THE PLACE. I WAS 19 OVER , LUCA 24 OVER. UNFORTUNATELY THE SULTAN DIDN'T PLAY AS WE DIDN'T INVITE HIM....

THE BIG SWITCH

NEXT SATURDAYS GAME IS A CHALLENGE MATCH ISSUED BY THE SULTAN - WHO - DESPERATE TO REVERSE HIS FORTUNES WILL PARTNER DETLEF AGAINST LUCA AND MYSELF AT BOLDMERE

RARE ROYAL VISIT

 ROB M. FRIEND TO THE STARS AND URANUS MAY BE UP FOR THE WEEKEND AND THERE IS A CHANCE WE MAY PLAY ON SUNDAY AT PYPE HAYES IF THEY CAN GET THE RED CARPET IN TIME..

SAD NEWS

 GAME TOMORROW AGAINST OLD SCHOOL FRIEND STEVE HAS BEEN CANCELLED AS HIS BROTHER (3 YEARS YOUNGER THAN US) PASSED AWAY SUDDENLY EARLIER THIS WEEK. DEEP COMMISERATIONS . LIFE IS SHORT - JUST ENJOY YOURSELF - YOU CAN'T TAKE ANYTHING WITH YOU BUT YOU CERTAINLY SHOULDN'T TAKE REGRETS.

RARER ROYAL VISIT

PETER D. CONFIRMS HE WILL BE DOWN FROM EDINBURGH AT CHRISTMAS AND WE WILL BE HAVING A DRINK CHRISTMAS EVE AFTERNOON GOD WILLING - SO SOME OF YOU ARE BOUND TO SEE HIM.

NO WAY MAN REALLY LANDED ON THE MOON!!! AND HERE'S THE PROOF DUFUS!  http://www.ufos-aliens.co.uk/cosmicapollo.html

WAY!!! HE MOST CERTAINLY DID - AND HERE'S THE PROOF DICKWAD!  http://www.lunaranomalies.com/fake-moon.htm

THIS WEEKEND SEES ANOTHER RYDER CUP VICTORY BY EUROPE OVER THE USA.

20\9 HOPEFULLY ON FRIDAY MORNING I AM PLAYING 'WIDNEY MANOR' IN SOLIHULL FOR THE FIRST TIME - WITH LUCA. HOPEFULLY IT IS A SUITABLE PLACE FOR MEN OF OUR STANDING.

THE SULTAN WILL BE COMING OUT OF SEMI RETIREMENT TO JOIN US ALL FOR A GAME A WEEK ON SUNDAY. AT THE WRONG SIDE OF 40 CAN HE COME BACK OR HAS HE BEEN TO THE WELL ONCE TOO OFTEN?

19\9 MARK'S INSPECTION WENT WITH FLYING COLOURS OBVIOUSLY

18\9 GOOD LUCK TO MARK I. WHO HAS THE GOVERNMENT INSPECTORS IN TODAY.

SINCE THE DECORATION A PINT OF GUINNESS HAS RISEN TO £2.70 IN ARBOR. COSTLY PAINT.

 PRESS THE RED BUTTON ON ANY BBC DIGITAL CHANNEL TODAY AND THEY ARE SHOWING THE SCISSOR SISTERS PERFORMING AT MAIDA VALE LAST FRIDAY.

WEEK STARTS BADLY

18\9 ALL LEVEL WITH DETLEF GOING INTO LAST HOLE AT HILLTOP BUT I LOST BY ONE SHOT ON LAST HOLE - WE GET A POINT EACH AS I WAS 7 SHOTS UP FROM LAST WEEK - SCORE 27.19 TO HIM. AT LEAST IT WAS THE WEATHER WAS CLEMENT. DETLEF DITCHING HIS WATERPROOFS IN FAVOUR OF DESERT FATIGUES.

DETLEF'S SUPPORTERS OBSERVE HIS PROGRESS DOWN THE FINAL HOLE. "VE VECOMEND ZE SAND VEDGE - VOT ARE YOU SINKING?"

18\9 UNITED BEATEN 1.0 BY THE FRENCH - WHO WERE THE BETTER TEAM. ROONEY LOOKS FAR FROM AT HIS BEST. GREAT SAVE BY LAMEMAN FROM RONNY USING HIS NOSE. UNITED ARE NOT GOING TO FINISH IN THE TOP 3 ON THE STRENGTH OF THAT PERFORMANCE. ON UNITED - IF HARGREAVES HAD BEEN RELEASED BY BAYERN HE WOULDN'T HAVE BROKEN HIS LEG AND AS IT IS BAYERN HAVE LOST HIS SERVICES FOR SEVERAL WEEKS WHEN THEY COULD HAVE BEEN ON THEIR WAY TO THE BANK. SPLENDID NEWS RIO  HAS WRITTEN A BOOK - THAT'S NEVER MEANT A PROBLEM FOR UNITED IN THE PAST HAS IT?

HAPPY ARSENAL SUPPORTERS RETURN HOME TO THEIR MAISONS AFTER THE MATCH

SCISSOR SISTERS' ANA MATRONIC - SHE COULD HAVE ME

16\9 THE SULTAN IS UNABLE TO PLAY TOMORROW OR NEXT WEEKEND OWING TO FAMILY COMMITMENTS. THERE WILL BE NO GAME NEXT WEEKEND AS THE KAISER IS WATCHING THE RYDER CUP BUT I HOPE TO STILL GET A GAME ELSEWHERE. AN OLD SCHOOL CHUM STEVE R. HAS SENT ME A TEXT TODAY OUT OF THE BLUE ASKING IF I FANCY A GAME SOME TIME. AS YOU KNOW THE DON HAS NO PREJUDICE TOWARDS THE RICH AND FAMOUS AND IT WILL BE GREAT TO SEE HIM.

14\9 - GREAT MATCH LAST NIGHT, SCHOLES WAS GREAT AND FANTASTIC PASS FOR 3RD GOAL. CELTIC PLAYED WELL AND WITH GREAT HEART - BLOW GIGGS BEING OUT FOR 3 WEEKS THOUGH. FORTUNATELY ITS ONLY ARSENAL NEXT GAME. BUNCH OF DIVERS.

13\9 SEEN OUT AND ABOUT THIS WEEK

 'CRACKED LAPTOP' KEN IN (THE VARSITY???)

ROB M. LURKING AROUND MARSEILLES AIRPORT TODAY AFTER A DIRTY WEEK AWAY

ROON IS BACK!!!

COME ON UNITED CRUSH STRACHAN'S WATERED DOWN CELTIC!! (ALTHOUGH CELTIC ARE MY FAVOURITE SCOTTISH TEAM)

HOPEFULLY NEXT GOLF MATCH IS AGAINST DETLEF AND THE SULTAN OF SWANG AT HILLTOP ON SUNDAY MORNING.

13\9 ARBOR FINALLY OPENED YESTERDAY AND IT WAS NICE TO BE GREETED WITH A NORM FROM CHEERS LIKE "CHRIS!" AS I ENTERED. INTERESTINGLY THE GENTS HAS 2 CANS OF HARMONY HAIRSPRAY AND A SMALL TUB OF VASELINE IN IT. PRESUMABLY THE LADIES HAS A PORK SCRATCHING MACHINE, BETTING SLIPS AND A COPY OF THE WHIPPET FANCIERS WEEKLY. ASTONISHINGLY THE ACCOUTREMENTS WERE THE IDEA OF A BARMAN WHO IS ALLEGEDLY A BIT LIGHT IN THE LOAFERS. OR AT LEAST HIS HUSBAND IS.

NORM OF 'CHEERS' FAME

11\9 FORGET THE BATTLES OF MINAS TIRITH OR HELMS DEEP - IN YEARS TO COME NORSEMEN BY THEIR LOG FIRES WILL TELL THE STORY OF THE BATTLE OF PYPE HAYES PLAINS. YESTERDAY DETLEF AND I BEAT THE GOLFING COUSINS. SCORE 3.2 TO US.
I WAS 14 OVER AND BEAT THE KAISER OF COOL SO IN OUR INDIVIDUAL MATCH THE SCORE IS 26.18 TO HIM. I TAKE A 7 SHOT LEAD INTO THE NEXT MATCH. THIS IS SET TO GO TO THE WIRE OR TO THE DOGS.

9\9\06 I AM NO BUTTOCK! ARBOR OPENING PUT BACK AGAIN! TILL TUESDAY 12\9

7\9\06 WALKED PAST ARBOR TODAY - IF THAT IS GOING TO BE OPEN TOMORROW I AM A COWS LEFT BUTTOCK

GETTING SICK OF THE CURRENT 'BLAIR BITCH PROJECT?'

BLAIR HATER? LOOK HERE http://www.channel4.com/entertainment/tv/microsites/G/greatest/britons/results.html

BLAIR LOVER? GO HERE http://www.thankyoutony.com/tonyspeeches.html

I'M SURE YOU'VE ALL COME ACROSS WIKIPEDIA BY NOW - THE ONLINE ENCYCLOPAEDIA THAT ANYONE CAN EDIT? IF NOT - TRY IT OUT - I'M VERY IMPRESSED http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Introduction

WHERE DOES THE TERM 'HEAVY METAL' COME FROM?

DESPERATELY SEEKING BIB

BIB!! WHEREVER YOU ARE PLEASE CONTACT MARK I. URGENTLY

CONTROVERSIAL - WHY MEN AGE BETTER THAN WOMEN http://beauty.about.com/library/blskin2.htm

BUT WOMEN SMELL BETTER http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/aging/22833/1

FOREIGN LANGUAGE? http://www.blackcountrybugle.co.uk/detail.asp?cat=General News&articleID=6739514

5\9\06 SAW SEAN LAST FRIDAY - ASKED HIM IF THE SAME TEAM WORKING ON WEMBLEY STADIUM WERE REFURBING ARBOR. IT'S BEEN PUT BACK ONCE ALREADY. THEY WILL HAVE TO GET A MOVE ON IF IT IS GOING TO REOPEN THIS FRIDAY AS PLANNED.

5\9\06 I'VE HAD TO KNOCK THE PROPOSED SCOTLAND TRIP ON THE HEAD AGAIN UNFORTUNATELY - I SO SHOULDN'T HAVE CANCELLED IT 2 YEARS AGO. WE LIVE AND LEARN.

4\9\06 CONGRATULATIONS TO THE POSH AND BECKS OF WALSALL MARGARET AND MARK I. ON THEIR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. MARK I. - AN ORDINARY GUY WHO MADE IT BIG. HE HAS 3 KIDS. MARGARET I - THE COLLEEN WITH THE HEART OF GOLD AND THE FILM STAR LOOKS.

PIC OF THE XXL UNDERPANTS AS REQUESTED BY DETLEF MODELLED BY BRAD PITT. THANKS BRAD.

ANOTHER WIN FOR TEL AND STEVE YESTERDAY BUT I'M STILL WAITING TO SEE US PLAY SOMEONE MY MOTHER COULDN'T PLAY CENTRE FORWARD FOR. AND WHEN THEY DO - NO-ONE WILL CHEER LOUDER THAN ME AS YOU ALL KNOW. STILL - NICE TO SEE ROBOKOP SCORE YET AGAIN!

3\9\ I'VE HAD A SORE THROAT AND FELT EVEN MORE YUCK! THAN USUAL FOR THE PAST WEEK SO I WAS SO PLEASED WE WERE PLAYING HILLTOP IN YESTERDAY'S WEATHER - ANYONE WHO HAS PLAYED THERE KNOWS IT IS THE LAST PLACE YOU WANT TO PLAY IN THE WIND AND THE RAIN. BEAT DETLEF BY 3 SHOTS SO I GET 2 POINTS ON OUR SYSTEM - BUT IT WAS A REAL SLOG IN THE WEATHER. I WAS 23 OVER. ONLY PUTTING LETTING ME DOWN NOW. SCORE 26.17 TO DET. HOPEFULLY NEXT SUNDAY WE TAKE ON THE COUSINS AT PYPE HAYES. DETLEF WAS A BIT LATE YESTERDAY - HE HAD A POWER-CUT IN HIS CASTLE AND NO THUNDERSTORMS TO RECHARGE HIS CREATURE. HE FIRST NOTICED IT WHEN THE LOVELY JANE THE DUCHESS OF LICHFIELD SAID VIA AN INTERPRETER "DETLEF DARLING, MEIN HERR - THERE IS NO ELECTRICITY" UNFORTUNATELY HE REPLIED "BUT LIEBCHEN - WHAT DO YOU EX[PECT - WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 13 YEARS!" NOW HE'S IN THE DOGHOUSE - WHICH IS TOUGH ON MITZI.

JOKE ABOUT THE 13 YEARS ANJA.

BUMPED INTO 'WOODY' ON FRIDAY - HE MOVES TO SCOTLAND ON 1ST OCTOBER. HE IS ABLE TO WEAR T SHIRTS THESE DAYS. HE SAID I AM ONE OF ONLY 3 PEOPLE HE WILL MISS - AND I HARDLY EVER SEE HIM. I'D LOVE TO KNOW WHO THE OTHER 2 ARE - TO SEE WHAT COMPANY I'M IN!

31\8 FINALLY PLAYED GOLF. LOST BY 2 SHOTS TO DETLEF AT PYPE HAYES. I WAS 17 OVER SO THAT WAS A REAL IMPROVEMENT FOR ME. WE THOUGHT WE WERE A SHOT BETTER EACH BUT WHEN I GOT HOME AND LOOKED AT THE CARD THEY HAVE CHANGED THE 17TH HOLE TO A PAR 4 INSTEAD OF A 5. THE SWINES!! THEY HAVE ALSO GIVEN ALL THE HOLES NAMES. ONE IS NAMED AFTER MY MATE IAN. OF COURSE WE ALL REMEMBER HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE BUYING GOLF CLUBS THIS MONTH.

 AS DETLEF'S TANK IS BEING REPAIRED HE HAS BEEN LENT A COURTESY ARMOURED CAR BY HIS FRIENDS IN BRAZIL. IT IS PLATED WITH 6 INCH THICK STEEL BUT YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SMOKE IN IT.

SCORE 26.15 TO DET. THIS SATURDAYS GAME IS A 2 POINTER AT RURAL HILLTOP.

3 CRAP PHOTOS TAKEN ON THE BRICKS OPENING EVENING www.christhedon.com/Drunks

29\8 FREE HARGREAVES!!!! BUT NOT GOING CHEAP...

29\ 8 ENJOYING ANOTHER 'MURPHY'S LAW' AT THE MOMENT. GREAT. INTELLIGENTLY WRITTEN SERIES AND JAMES NESBITT IS A RED AND A GOLFER AS WELL.

1 Man Utd
2 Aston Villa
3 Everton
4 Chelsea
5 Portsmouth
6 West Ham

GOD KNOWS I'M NOT GIVEN TO WILD STATEMENTS OR EXAGGERATION - BUT I FEEL THESE CURRENT POSITIONS WILL REMAIN THE SAME AT THE END OF THE SEASON AND ARSENAL AND LIVERPOOL WILL BE RELEGATED

28\8 INDEED ENJOYED THE VILLA GAME. CHELSEA - DIVE BY TERRY, POOR PENALTY LAMPARD BUT GOOD GOAL DROGBA
 

27\8 UNITED HAD A HARD GAME AGAINST WATFORD YESTERDAY - THEY AREN'T GOING TO LIE DOWN FOR ANYONE. LOOKING FORWARD TO WATCHING THE VILLA NEWCASTLE GAME TODAY - SUDDENLY VILLAS FORTUNES HAVE GONE FULL CIRCLE. HOPE CHELSEA GET STUFFED LATER. WILL ARSENAL BE ABLE TO AVOID RELEGATION THIS SEASON? I HEARD WITH MY OWN SHELL - LIKES ARSENAL MANAGER OBSCENE WHINGER DESCRIBE YESTERDAYS MATCH AS AN ENCOURAGING DEFEAT?????????

HAD TO CANCEL GOLF FOR TODAY UNFORTUNATELY

NURSIE IS IN AYLESBURY FOR THE WEEKEND

DAVE E. IS SETTING UP A WEBSITE FOR KEITH W.'s MATE TONY. IT WILL BE HERE  http://the-new-washboard-syncopators.com/ 

NEW TEMPORARY SITE FOR DAVE E. HIMSELF http://davidelliot.net/

25\8 SEVERAL 'GENTLEMEN' OF THE MEDIA WERE SAYING SVEN SHOULD HAVE LEFT BOTH ROONEY AND OWEN BEHIND FOR THE WORLD CUP - NOW THEY ARE SAYING FOR THE NEXT ENGLAND GAME 'WHO ARE WE GOING TO PLAY?' WELL GUYS - HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO SHINE - YOU HAVE YOUR WISH DON'T YOU? YOU WILL BE MAD NOT TO PLAY CROUCH. IF DAFOE AND BENT ARE WORLD CLASS I AM QUEEN JULIANA OF THE NETHERLANDS. PROVE ME WRONG OR I HAVE SEVERAL STATE VISITS TO PERFORM.

25\8 NICE TO IMBIBE WITH BIB TONIGHT - SOUND CHAP.

24\8 I'M HOPEFULLY SWIMMING TOMORROW - WISH YOU COULD SEE ME - IT'S LIKE 'FREE WILLY' - BUT I BLAME THE TRUNKS. 

SPEAKING THROUGH NURSIE TODAY SUE (OF SUE AND MICK FAME) CONFIRMS THEY WILL BE MOVING INTO THE BRICKS BANK HOLIDAY TUESDAY.

24\8 ANOTHER GREAT WIN FOR UNITED LAST NIGHT - A PLEASURE TO WATCH.

 RE: THATCHER - SHOULD BE LOCKED AWAY. BEN AS WELL.

                                         I'VE LOST MY STATUS!

21\8 PLAYED DETLEF AND LUCA - ONE HALF OF THE 'MIGHTY COUSINS' GOLF AND TAG TEAM WRESTLING DUO, AT BOLDMERE TODAY. I WAS SOUNDLY BEATEN BY DETLEF - SCORE 25.15 TO HIM. LUCA SHOWED A NICE TOUCH FOR A BIG MAN - AND STILL MANAGED TO PLAY GOLF AS WELL - IN THE LAST 2 HOLES HOLING ONE BIRDIE AND NARROWLY MISSING ANOTHER BY HITTING THE FLAG.

VERY NICE OF DET'S WIFE THE LADY JANE, DUCHESS OF LICHFIELD TO BRING ME BACK A LITTLE GIFT FROM THEIR EUROPEAN TOUR 2006. SHE IS NOTED FOR HER KINDNESS TO THE POOR AND CAN OFTEN BE FOUND IN THE HOMES OF COMMONERS TREATING THEIR CHILDREN FOR DIPHTHERIA (WHATEVER THEY'VE GOT). BELIEVING THE MANY RUMOURS ABOUT ME LADY JANE HAS BOUGHT ME XXL UNDERPANTS. YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT BABY.

 "Metropolitan Police Commissioner, Sir Ian Blair says that residents in Haringey, north London, are now happy to leave their front doors open and unlocked." - YOU CAN IMAGINE ALL THE BURGLARS BUYING DAY-SAVERS AS WE SPEAK.

21\8 GOOD START FOR UNITED YESTERDAY. NOW 3 GAMES WITHOUT ROON AS THE FA ARE BARKING MAD.

19\8 -'WHAT ABOUT BOB' (BILL MURRAY) IS ON TODAY IN THE UK -  ITV AT 1.40

X- FILE - The Androscoggin Beast
   An unidentified animal found dead in Maine,
    USA, is believed to be the Androscoggin Beast.
    Residents of Androscoggin County have been
    hearing "chilling animal cries" since 1991,
    with sightings of an animal with glowing
    red eyes who apparently mauled a Doberman
    and a Rottweiler to death. An eyewitness
    said the dead animal was grey, weighed
    40-50lb and had a bushy tail, short snout,
    short ears and curled fangs hanging over
    its lips, and "looked like something out
    of a Stephen King story".

 http://www.boston.com/news/local/maine/articles/2006/08/16/residents_wonder_if_dead_animal_is_legendary_mystery_beast/

http://www.smh.com.au/news/unusual-tales/maine-monster-mystery/2006/08/18/1155407992741.html

http://chainsawcollective.blogspot.com/2006/08/fearsome-life-and-ignoble-death-of.html

YOU HAD A TEAM THAT COULD HAVE DEALT WITH THIS - BUT YOU STOPPED WATCHING AND THE RATINGS WENT DOWN 

WELL DONE PETE!!

17\8 AFTER SOME ARID WEEKS GOLF WISE IT APPEARS DETLEF WILL BE IN THE COUNTRY JUST LONG ENOUGH TO PARTNER ME IN A MATCH AGAINST THE MIGHTY GOLFING COUSINS ON MONDAY. THE WAY I'VE BEEN PLAYING I THINK THE BEST THING I CAN DO FOR THE TEAM IS GO SICK. HAD TO LOOK BACK TO CHECK ON THE SCORES - 23.15 TO DETLEF FROM THE GAME ON 19\7 WHEN MY LEGS WERE CHEWED AWAY BY THOSE DAMN BUGS - THEY HAVEN'T COMPLETELY HEALED UP YET. MY LEGS NOT THE BUGS.

DETLEF'S CAR  TOOK A BIT OF A PRANG WHILST AWAY BUT FORTUNATELY ALL ARE FIT AND WELL. THE CONING TOWER TOOK THE BRUNT OF THE DAMAGE.

ENCOURAGING WIN BY ENGLAND LAST NIGHT A GAME TOO LATE BUT POOR OPPOSITION AND WHAT HAPPENED IN THE SECOND HALF AGAIN? GREAT GAME BY HARGREAVES. 2 MORE GOALS FOR ROBOKOP THEN - HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN UP FRONT WITH ROONEY FOR THAT PORTUGAL GAME.

"STEVIE MY OLD RED CABBAGE I THINK WE DONE WELL." "YEAH I KNOW"

WITH THE TERRORISTS REWRITING THE HOLY KORAN I THOUGHT WE WOULD TAKE A LOOK AT OTHER STRANGE DISTORTIONS OF RELIGION

CHARLEY THE HAMSTER EVANGELICAL MINISTRY http://altreligion.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=altreligion&zu=http://www.netgeist.com/CTH/CTH_10Commandments.html

THE 'REAL' CATHOLIC CHURCH - THEY DON'T SUPPORT THE POPE NATURALLY  http://altreligion.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=altreligion&zu=http://truecatholic.org/

NEW RELIGION BASED ON FILM 'THE MATRIX' http://altreligion.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=altreligion&zu=http://www.geocities.com/matrixism2069/

WEB OUIJA BOARD  http://altreligion.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=altreligion&zu=http://www.museumoftalkingboards.com/WebOuija.html?

ALL DISEASES GUARANTEED CURED - THEY COME FROM SATAN IDIOT!  http://www.spiripathologyhealing.com/home.htm

"HEY STEVIE, OUR WONDROUS NEW TRAINING METHODS HAVE BROKEN DEAN ASHTON'S ANKLE!" "YEAH - I KNOW"

14\8 JOHN B. LIVES!!! - HE'S BEEN IN DAMASCUS (NEIGHBOURHOOD OFFICE) - I PERSONALLY SAW HIM MAKE MARK I. WALK AGAIN AFTER SEVERAL PINTS! HE'S NOW ACTUALLY SLOPING ROUND WALSALL LIKE A NORMAL PERSON - IF YOU SEE HIM CAST THINGS BEFORE HIS FEET. DOGS HAVE ALREADY STARTED.

DO YOU GET BORED? IT'S A SIDE EFFECT OF INTELLIGENCE. HERE'S A GOOD SITE - http://www.i-am-bored.com/

LIVERPOOL BEAT CHELSKI IN THE COMMUNITY SHIELD FORMERLY KNOWN AS THE CHARITY SHIELD - GOOD. ANOTHER 'CRAP PLAYER' CROUCH SCORES AGAIN THEN.

LITTLE MINDS - LITTLE BALLS

TEL AND STEVIE GET OFF TO A GREAT START BY DROPPING A PLAYER WHO ACTUALLY SCORED A GOAL IN THE WORLD CUP (ARGUABLY 2). WE CAN'T HAVE THAT - HOPEFULLY ALL THE WORLD CLASS PLAYERS WILL BE DROPPED EVENTUALLY AND WE CAN PLAY BENT AND DAFOE UP FRONT PREVENTING ANY GOALS AND THEREFORE EXCITEMENT BEFORE ENGLAND GAMES - ERADICATING DISAPPOINTMENT LATER.

BECKHAM AND MCLAREN PICTURED IN HAPPIER TIMES

STOP PRESS

BECKHAM HAS HANDED IN THE KNIVES IN HIS BACK AS PART OF THE KNIFE AMNESTY.

STILL NO MORE NEWS OF 'GENEROUS JOHN' B. HE'S PROBABLY OFF FEEDING THE 5,000 SOMEWHERE OR SOLVING THE MIDDLE EAST CONFLICT.

13\8 ROONEY REVEALS HE TRIED TO GET RONALDO BOOKED FOR DIVING EARLIER IN THE SAME WORLD CUP GAME.

RECEIVED AN EMAIL RECENTLY FROM NURSIE STALWART BOB D.  WHO - OBVIOUSLY HAVING PROBLEMS SPELLING HIS OWN NAME SIGNED IT 'BIB.' HENCEFORTH HE WILL ALWAYS BE KNOWN BY THE SOBRIQUET 'BIB' ON THESE PAGES.

12\8 BEST WISHES TO MARK I. AND FAMILY WHO ARE  NOT HAVING THE BEST OF TIMES AT THE MOMENT

IT'S OFFICIAL - WE REALLY ARE EMBROILED IN WORLD WAR 3 - AGAINST THESE NONE HUMANS - THESE COWARDLY ANTI-CHRISTS CALLED TERRORISTS WHO CAN NEVER WIN!! ACTUALLY AS WE ALL KNOW - ONE MAN'S TERRORIST IS ANOTHER'S FREEDOM FIGHTER - SO ACTUALLY THE WORD TERRORIST IS TOO GOOD FOR THEM

terrorism - the calculated use of violence (or threat of violence) against civilians in order to attain goals that are political or religious or ideological in nature; this is done through intimidation or coercion or instilling fear

murder - The unlawful killing of one human by another, especially with premeditated malice

WHICH IS BEST?

STOP PRESS - JOHN B. SPOTTED IN PRETTY BRICKS TUESDAY NIGHT

IF I HUNG AROUND PARKS IN LONDON AT NIGHT I WOULD BE UNLIKELY TO MEET A FAMOUS FEMALE STAR WHO WOULD DRAG ME OFF IN THE BUSHES FOR A FULFILLING BUT ULTIMATELY MEANINGLESS SEXUAL ENCOUNTER. WHY IS THIS? IS THIS FAIR?  -  PITCAIRNISLAND@CHRISTHEDON.COM

EQUAL OPPORTUNITIES COMMISSION - http://www.eoc.org.uk/

ARE YOU A FEMALE STAR WHO WOULD LIKE TO DRAG ME INTO THE BUSHES BUT HAVE HITHERTO THOUGHT ME UNOBTAINABLE AND BEYOND YOUR REACH? DON'T DESPAIR, I HAVE HELPED THOUSANDS AND MAY HAVE A PACKAGE TO SUIT YOU -  PITCAIRNISLAND@CHRISTHEDON.COM 

9\8 DAD WAS CALLED INTO HOSPITAL TODAY BUT AFTER A LONG WAIT TO SEE A DOCTOR WE JUST FETCHED HIM BACK BY TAXI TONIGHT - THANKS FOR THE GOOD WISHES MARK AND MARK - IT'S REALLY REALLY APPRECIATED AND...I OWE YOU BOTH A FAVOUR.

8\8 PLAYED WALSALL GOLF CLUB, PLAYGROUND OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS, WITH SCHOOLTEACHER NEIL. JOINED UP WITH 2 GUYS - ONE OF WHOM WAS 'A GUY CALLED JOE' WHOM I BELIEVE BY A STRANGE RELIGIOUS QUIRK OF FATE TO HAVE BEEN BEN HOGAN - 9 TIMES MAJORS CHAMPION, JUST POPPED DOWN FROM HEAVEN FOR THE DAY TO HAVE A QUICK 18 HOLES - WELL HE LOOKED A BIT LIKE HIM ANYWAY AND HE DRESSED LIKE HIM - BUT HE PLAYED OFF 10 SO PERHAPS YOU DON'T GET THE PRACTICE ROUNDS THERE. I WAS 24 OVER WHICH IS RUBBISH BUT BETTER RUBBISH THAN I HAVE BEEN PLAYING. BEAT NEIL BY 6 BUT HE HAD A VERY POOR ROUND FOR HIM. DIDN'T BEAT BEN HOGAN - WHO MISSED AN EAGLE PUT ON THE LAST BY ONE INCH.

SPOOKILY I PHONED THE CLUB LATER AND NO ONE THERE HAD EVER HEARD OF THIS GUY NAMED JOE...MIND YOU I'D GOT THE WRONG NUMBER AND WAS TALKING TO A FISH RESTAURANT.

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN? JOHN B. SEEN HERE (SECOND FROM LEFT) WITH MINDERS DURING AUDITIONS FOR 'LOCK STOCK AND TWO SMOKING BARRELS' DURING WHICH HE WON THE PART OF 'LITTLE CHRIS' - GREAT MAKEUP JOB. THIS MAN IS MISSING - ANY SIGHTINGS PLEASE CONTACT ME AS HIS FERRET MISSES HIM. KNOWN TO FREQUENT BARS AND GOLF COURSES AND BARS ON GOLF COURSES. AND BARS. IN FACT THIS MAN BELONGS BEHIND BARS. PITCAIRNISLAND@CHRISTHEDON.COM

THERE ARE 6 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD THINK TWICE BEFORE COMING TO WALSALL. NUMBER 1 IS LUCA, NUMBER 2 IS ME, NUMBER 3 IS ME, NUMBER 4 IS YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!! NUMBER 5 IS NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!! AND NUMBER 6.....HAVE YOU SEEN THE SIZE OF OUR FUZZ, MAN? AND THIS IS THE RUNT OF THE LITTER.

MORE GOLF BABES - http://golf-babes.blogspot.com/2006_03_01_golf-babes_archive.html

4\8 WELL ALL THINGS BEING EQUAL I THINK THOSE OF YOU WHO KNOW ME  KNOW WHERE I WILL BE AT 12.00 TOMORROW - LOOKING FORWARD TO IT AND VERY WELCOME IT WILL BE.

4\8 NURSIE TELLS ME HE HAS IMPROVED - HE MANAGED TO STAGGER ROUND TO SEE SHADY BUSINESS ASSOCIATE BOB D. EARLIER. MOM BIT BETTER BUT STILL CAN'T FIND THE RIGHT HEAD SO AMONGST OTHER THINGS I'VE BEEN IRONING TODAY. CAN ONE IMAGINE MICHAEL CORLEONE IRONING? IT'S WHY 99.9% OF MEN GET MARRIED ISN'T IT? THINK THAT'S SEXIST? YOU'RE AN IDIOT - ARGUE THE TOSS? - PITCAIRNISLAND@CHRISTHEDON.COM. I AM ABSOLUTELY CRAP AT IRONING - I WOULD SOONER SPEND THE EVENING WITH GEORGE BUSH JR - SO LONG AS HE DID THE IRONING.

SO IF MR IRON INVENTED THE IRON - WHO INVENTED THE IRONING BOARD? - GO ON - YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO KNOW http://www.african-american-inventors.com/ - ACTUALLY THIS IS WELL WORTH READING - PARTICULARLY IF YOU ARE IN THE KU KLUX KLAN.

GREAT PERFORMANCE BY MAN UTD EARLIER WINNING 3.1 - ADMITTEDLY IT WAS ONLY PORTO BUT THEY SHOWED THEIR AGGRESSION AND WILL TO WIN BY HAVING 'MAD DOG' ROONEY AND 'WHERE'S ME GUIDE DOG' SCHOLESY SENT OFF. GREAT STUFF.

NEWSFLASH! NURSIE HAS GOUT AND IS RESTING IN BED

WHAT IS GOUT? IS IT SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED? CAN I CATCH IT? IS IT RONALDO'S FAULT?

http://www.bupa.co.uk/health_information/html/health_news/160404gout.html

3\8 - NOW MOM IS OFF HER FEET BUT HOPEFULLY ONLY FOR TODAY WITH 'ONE OF HER HEADS' - PROPER LITTLE WORZEL GUMMAGE AINT SHE?. THE MAIN WORRY THOUGH IS HAMSTER CHEEKED MARK THE NURSE WHO HAS A SEVERE SWELLING - VERY UNUSUAL HIS WIFE MARGARET WILL TELL YOU............ON HIS KNEE AND - JOKING ASIDE IS IN A LOT OF PAIN AND CAN HARDLY WALK - IF YOU KNOW HIM (CHANCES ARE HE HAS NURSED YOU OR PULLED YOU OUT OF A BURNING BUILDING) GET IN TOUCH AND SHOW 'FAMILY' SOLIDARITY. GET WELL SOON MATE.

NEXT TIME ANY OF YOU ARE FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELVES SPARE A THOUGHT FOR DAVID BAILEY 'ENFANT TERRIBLE' ROBERT M. WHO ON A RARE VISIT TO THIS HEMISPHERE PHONED ME LAST NIGHT. AS HE ONLY HAS AN APPLE MACKINTOSH COMPUTER (REMEMBER THEM AND THE OLD SINCLAIR SPECTRUM?) IS UNABLE TO HEAR MUSIC FROM MY SITE!!!! THINK ON!

THE 'SPECCY' - QUEUED FOR HOURS (WITH PETE FROM SCOTLAND) TO BUY ONE WHEN THEY FIRST CAME OUT

http://www.worldofspectrum.org/

2\8 DAD'S MUCH BETTER TODAY AFTER A COUPLE OF WORRYING DAYS - THINK HE PICKED UP A STOMACH BUG ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE.

LUCA APPARENTLY IS ALSO RECOVERING AND ATE A SMALL OX YESTERDAY WITH FRIED BREAD

REGARDING FOOTBALL - NOW THEY ARE BOTH REAL MADRID PLAYERS I EXPECT THE RUUD AND BECKS PARTNERSHIP TO TAKE UP WHERE IT LEFT OFF - SCORING FOR FUN - SINCE 'FOGIE' SOLD BECKS IN THE WORST FOOTBALL BLUNDER OF THIS OR ANY CENTURY. THINK OF A WORSE ONE? PITCAIRNISLAND@CHRISTHEDON.COM

NO GOLF LAST 2 WEEKENDS - SO I AM UNBEATEN - THIS IS THE BEST I'VE PLAYED FOR AGES. MY SELF ESTEEM IS RISING.

SUPPORT THE TRANSATLANTIC TUNNEL

http://dsc.discovery.com/convergence/engineering/transatlantictunnel/interactive/interactive.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transatlantic_tunnel

http://www.discoverybroadband.co.uk/broadband/broadband.jsp?site=uk&template=episode&genre=3&series_id=62&episode_id=67&episode_list_no=1

THE WORLD FAMOUS BLOXWICH CARNIVAL IS NEXT SATURDAY - 5TH AUGUST

30\7 EMAIL FROM ROB RECEIVED TODAY - MAKES YOU WANT TO SPIT DOESN'T IT. "had a terrific time - will send you some photos - now in delhi until flight home tonight at 2 oc - only just got your texts when we landed in india ... flew via katmandu, passing top of everest above the clouds ... will miss the horse ...
Let your email find you with BlackBerry from Vodafone"

IF ONLY I'D HAVE KNOWN THERE WAS A LITTLE YELLOW IDOL JUST TO THE NORTH I'VE BEEN AFTER FOR AGES.
 

EX REGULARS OF THE LITTLETON ARE TO BE FOUND AIMLESSLY WANDERING ROUND THE TOWN - SOME WITH TENTS. THERE IS TALK THEY MAY BE FORMING THEIR OWN STATE. OR THEY ARE ALREADY IN A STATE. NO SIGN OF THEM BOMBING ANYONE YET THOUGH.

LIFESTYLES OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS 

29\7 PICS OF DON HANGER-ON ROB M. IN BHUTAN - FOR THE LUCKY ONES OF YOU WHO HAVEN'T MET HIM HE IS WEARING THE SUNGLASSES ON THE BOTTOM 2 PICS.

http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/fashion/hilaryalexander/jul06/fashionmetres.htm

BEST WISHES TO LUCA - WHO HAD HIS OP. YESTERDAY - THE ONLY WAY ANYONE WOULD PULL A KNIFE ON HIM AND GET AWAY WITH IT

26\7 NOT A GREAT PIC (SEE BELOW) BUT FIGHTING OFF POLICE AND ALSATIANS - YOUR REPORTER IS ABLE TO BRING YOU THIS PIC OF THE LATE DUBLINER PUB TAKEN THIS PM. RATHER GUTTED.

SAW JOHN B. EARLIER - UNFORTUNATELY ALL HE COULD TALK ABOUT WAS DOG'S TESTICLES - NOTHING NEW THERE - I HAVE TO TALK TO THIS GUY - IT GETS VERY BEWILDERING - NERVES ARE FRAZZLED - SEND FLOWERS IN SYMPATHY TO PITCAIRNISLAND@CHRISTHEDON.COM

AT LEAST WE CAN'T BLAME WALSALL COUNCIL FOR THIS ONE - CAN WE? CONTACT THE DON AT PITCAIRNISLAND@CHRISTHEDON.COM

SOME PICS TAKEN AT THE  LITTLETON MONDAY NIGHT WITH CAMERA PHONE - WARNING SOME CONTENT MAY DISTURB -  http://www.christhedon.com/LAST_MOMENTS.html

OWING TO THE SITUATION AT HOME IT'S A VERY BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAST SUNDAY - TO DAVE E. PHILANTHROPIST, COMPUTER EXPERT, RAT CATCHER, DRINKER.

25\7  DAD CAME OUT OF HOSPITAL YESTERDAY AND LOOKS A LOT BETTER THAN WHEN HE WENT IN. AFTER ALL THE WORRY AND PACING HE HAD AN EPIDURAL IN THE END - WHICH WOULD STILL HAVE BEEN WORRYING BUT NOT TO THE SAME DEGREE. THE OPERATION KEPT BEING PUT BACK AND PUT BACK BY A WHOLE DAY IN THE END SO ITS A WONDER HE DIDN'T EXPIRE FROM DEHYDRATION AND HUNGER. THANKS SO VERY MUCH TO THOSE OF YOU WHO ENQUIRED AFTER HIM. REMEMBER I AM ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU TOO.

NO GOLF AT THE WEEKEND OWING TO THE SITUATION WITH DAD. DETLEF HAS SET OUT ON HIS EUROPEAN CAMPAIGN AND LUCA OF THE MIGHTY GOLFING COUSINS IS GOING INTO HOSPITAL SHORTLY FOR AN OPERATION - SO ITS UNCERTAIN WHEN WE WILL PLAY AGAIN AS JOHN AND I DON'T HAVE A CAR BETWEEN US. SEND YOUR UNWANTED CARS TO PITCAIRNISLAND@CHRISTHEDON.COM

IT WAS THE FINAL FINAL UNOFFICIAL UNOFFICIAL NIGHT OF THE LITTLETON LAST NIGHT AND YOUR REPORTER WAS THERE TO FINISH THE VERY LAST DREGS OF THE GUINNESS SERVED BY....JOHN??? IN A GUEST APPEARANCE BEHIND THE BAR. I TOOK A FEW PICS ON CAMERA PHONE I WILL UPLOAD LATER.

DAVE INDEED RETURNED - NOT QUITE THE DAY AND NIGHT I'D HOPED FOR AS DAD HAD TO GO INTO HOSPITAL TODAY - HOPEFULLY NOT TOO BAD BUT HAS TO HAVE A GENERAL TOMORROW AND I WAS EXPECTING A LOCAL. HE HAD SOME PROBLEMS LAST TIME WITH THE GENERAL ANAESTHETIC - SO FINGERS CROSSED FOR TOMORROW. MANY THANKS TO IAN FOR HELPING OUT TONIGHT AT EXTREMELY SHORT NOTICE. AND TO ALISON MY SISTER AND COLIN THE BROTHER IN LAW FOR ALWAYS BEING THERE FOR MOM AND DAD.

'LAURA' MAKES THE DON'S FAVOURITE FILMS - AND NOT BEFORE TIME. SCROLL DOWN FOR THE FILM LIST.

WHY YOU CAN SMELL TCP OVER MY JOOP - THE BLOODY TRUTH

I'M AFRAID THOSE OF YOU WHO RIGHTLY LOOK FORWARD WITH SALIVATION TO SEEING MY SEXY LEGS IN SHORTS ON A FRIDAY ARE IN FOR A SAD DISAPPOINTMENT. YESTERDAY SEVERAL SPECIES OF BLOODY BLOOD SUCKING INSECTS  RAVAGED MY SHAPELY CALVES AND THEY NEED TO BE COVERED FOR THEIR OWN PROTECTION. PROTECT YOURSELVES AGAINST SUCH AN EVENTUALITY HAPPENING AGAIN BY DOWNLOADING DESKTOP WALLPAPER OF MY MAGNIFICENT LEGS. SCREENSAVERS ALSO AVAILABLE. CONTACT ME PITCAIRNISLAND@CHRISTHEDON.COM FOR DETAILS. I ALSO POSE FOR CANDID PHOTOGRAPHY AND CAN BORROW A GERMAN SHEPHERD OFF A FRIEND AT A PINCH.

NICE THAT FILM 4 IS GOING FREEVIEW ON 23RD - AND GREAT THEY ARE KICKING OFF WITH 'LOST IN TRANSLATION' - WHICH I ENJOYED IMMENSELY BUT HAVE ONLY SEEN ONCE THUS FAR.

'IN A STATE' VISIT

DAVE E. THE MAN, INDEED THE LEGEND IS RUMOURED TO BE LEAVING THE SHEEP INFESTED VALLEYS TO MAKE A FLYING VISIT TO WALSALL TOMORROW. IF YOU SEE THIS MAN YOU ARE ADVISED NOT TO APPROACH HIM AS HE MAY BUY YOU A PINT OF GUINNESS. THIS IS YOUR OPPORTUNITY TO SHOWER DAVE WITH CARDS AND GIFTS PRIOR TO HIS OFFICIAL STATE BIRTHDAY ON SUNDAY AND IS LIKELY TO BE HIS LAST TRIP BACK HERE UNTIL HE COMES AGAIN. DAVE E. IS 86.

MANY CONGRATS TO JACK I. FOR BEING VOTED BOY OF THE YEAR AT HIS PRESENT SCHOOL

19\7 BANJAXED AT BOLDMERE ON THE HOTTEST JULY SINCE RECORDS BEGAN

WELL BEATEN BY DETLEF - SPLENDID ROUND 12 OVER - JUST OFF EQUALLING HIS BEST. 23-15 TO HIM. ALL I CAN SAY IS I HAD MY BEST SCORE FOR 4 WEEKS - 21 OVER AND DID ONLY LOSE 1 BALL AS OPPOSED TO 5 BALLS LAST TIME OUT - SEND YOUR BALLS TO  PITCAIRNISLAND@CHRISTHEDON.COM I ALSO DROVE THE DITCH ON THE 14TH BY SOME DISTANCE. THERE IS SOME SCANT CAUSE FOR HOPE - BUT THE TREE AT THE LICKEYS STILL BECKONS CURRENTLY. WATCHED 'JUDE' LAST NIGHT TO CHEER MYSELF UP. ON THE WAY BACK FROM THE COURSE WE PASSED THE LADY JANE IN HER CARRIAGE JUST TAKING MITZI OUT FOR A SPOT OF SHEEP WORRYING. (MITZI WORRIES SHEEP BY SHINING A LIGHT IN THEIR EYES AND SAYING SHE IS ASKING THE QUESTIONS.)

MY DAD'S NOT SO CLEVER AT THE MOMENT - HE WAS ALREADY LOW FOLLOWING HIS RADIO TREATMENT (ALTHOUGH WE STILL FAIL TO PICK UP TALKSPORT ON HIM) BUT ON FRIDAY HE NOTICED SOMETHING ON HIS BACK APART FROM MY MOM AND APPARENTLY HAS AN ABSCESS - WAITING FOR ANTIBIOTICS TO WORK. MY MOM'S BRUISES FROM THE FREE FALL NOSE DIVE ONTO THE GRAVEL IN DEVON ARE ALMOST GONE NOW AND SHE HAS NEW GLASSES. THIS MEANS WE CAN TAKE THE SIREN OFF THE ROOF USED TO GUIDE HER BACK FROM CHURCH.

17\7 WHAT A SCORCHER - ALTHOUGH 90 PERCENT OF THE ENGLISH ARE ONLY HAPPY WHILST MOANING - USUALLY ABOUT THE WEATHER - I HAVE TO SAY TODAY WAS TOO HOT FOR ME. UNFORTUNATELY WHILST WANDERING ABOUT IN THE GARDEN CLAD IN ONLY MY REINFORCED BOXER SHORTS WHO SHOULD I BUMP INTO? ONLY OLD CAPTAIN AHAB IN SEARCH OF THE GREAT WHITE WHALE THAT'S WHO! "THAR SHE BLOWS!! FROM  HELL'S HEART I STAB AT THEE; FOR HATE'S SAKE I SPIT MY LAST BREATH AT THEE." HE QUOTH. NEXT THING I KNOW I'VE GOT A HARPOON UP MY JACKSIE. RATHER UNCALLED FOR I THOUGHT. AND SLIGHTLY SURREAL.

16\7 IT WAS SAD TO SEE NIKKI EVICTED ON FRIDAY - ALTHOUGH I WANTED TO STRANGLE HER AT FIRST HER CALCULATED HISTRIONICS BECAME RATHER AMUSING. BELCHING JAYNE I CAN WELL DO WITHOUT THOUGH.

WELL LICKED AT THE LICKEYS

15\7 IT GETS NO BETTER - 34 OVER AT THE LICKEY HILLS. MY LAST 3 SCORES ARE 34,31,34 OVER. THIS IS DIRE. WELL BEATEN BY DETLEF - WHO DREW WITH SCHOOLTEACHER NEIL. AT LEAST IT WAS A LOVELY DAY. I LIKE TREES AND THERE ARE SOME LOVELY ONES OVER THERE. GOING THERE AGAIN NEXT WEEK AND MAY HANG MYSELF FROM ONE IF I PLAY SUCH CRAP AGAIN. SCORE 22 - 15 TO DETLEF. AFTER NEXT WEEKS GAME AGAINST THE MIGHTY COUSINS DETLEF WILL NOT BE PLAYING FOR 4 - POSSIBLY 5 WEEKS WHILE HE INVADES EUROPE AGAIN. TIME MAY BE RUNNING OUT FOR THE GOLFING STUD MUFFIN. CAN I STILL COME THROUGH?

WHILE DETLEF IS AWAY THE LOCAL PEASANT MAIDENS WILL MAKE THEIR PILGRIMAGE UP TO DETLEF'S CASTLE TO TREAD THE GRAPES THAT WILL PROVIDE THE WINE THAT WILL EVENTUALLY APPEAR IN DETLEF'S VAST BANQUETING HALLS OR BE SERVED DURING THE OFFERING UP OF LOCAL VIRGINS TO DETLEF AS THE LORD OF THE MANOR AND DEFENDER OF THE FAITH.

DETLEF'S CASTLE - BIRTHPLACE  OF 'CHATEAU DET' - THE 'K' IS FOR KAISER AN AFFECTIONATE NICKNAME BESTOWED UPON HIM BY GOOD FRIEND THE MARQUIS DE SADE

TODAY'S GAME HAD A COUPLE OF INTERESTING FEATURES - NEIL PICKING UP DET'S BALL MARKER ON THE GREEN AND PUTTING IT IN HIS POCKET AS HE THOUGHT IT WAS ONE SOMEONE HAD LOST?

AND WHEN I HAD POTENTIALLY LOST A BALL BUT PUT MY PROVISIONAL ON THE GREEN FOR 3 - KINDLY OLD NEIL FINDING THE BALL I DIDN'T WANT TO FIND - WHICH EVENTUALLY LANDED ME WITH A 9.

I WAS RAISED BY DEVILS - RED DEVILS - SOME PEOPLE AREN'T SO LUCKY http://www.feralchildren.com/en/index.php

13\7 IN A RARE MIDWEEK SOIREE I WAS PLEASED TO LEND MY CELEBRITY TO THE 'SECRET' LITTLETON ARMS CLOSING BASH LAST NIGHT. IT WAS A CROSS BETWEEN THE AFTER - LIFE, THE RESTAURANT AT THE END OF THE UNIVERSE AND A SPEAKEASY. IT WAS GREAT. I AM MADE UP THAT SUE AND MICK MINE HOSTS ARE GOING TO BE TAKING OVER THE PRETTY BRICKS - AN OLD HAUNT OF MINE - IT WILL BE GREAT TO HOPEFULLY GO THERE IN THE FUTURE. IT WAS ALSO NICE TO SPEND THE TIME LAST NIGHT IN THE COMPANY OF MY FRIEND G. (A REPORTER FOR A WELL KNOWN LOCAL NEWSPAPER) AND HIS CEREBRAL WIFE D.

ALSO NICE TO SEE 'GENEROUS JOHN THE GOLF' LAST NIGHT. I NEVER CEASE TO BE AMAZED AT HIS ELOQUENCE - OFF THE GOLF COURSE. ON THE GOLF COURSE HE WALKS ON HIS KNUCKLES AND STRUGGLES TO STRING A SENTENCE TOGETHER.

JOHN WISHES ME TO PRINT A DISCLAIMER REGARDING HIS ACTIONS ON SUNDAY. THE YOUNG MEN HE WAS WATCHING WAS IN FACT ONE MAN - WHO HE CLAIMS TO BE A RELATIVE. JOHN'S HOSE WAS TOO SHORT AND HE WAS HELPING HIM RECTIFY THE MATTER. JOHN IS OFTEN TO BE SPOTTED ROUND THE TOWN IN THE COMPANY OF YOUNG MEN HE CLAIMS TO BE RELATED TO.

I KEEP THINKING OF MORE FAVOURITE FILMS - THERE WERE SOME SHOCKING OMISSIONS - I'VE EXPANDED THE LIST AND I'M NOW AIMING FOR MY TOP 150! (SEE FURTHER DOWN PAGE)

Christ - i'd put '3 Monkeys' instead of 12!

11\7 SYD BARRETT - ROCK LEGEND DIES. HE SHONE LIKE THE SUN.

PETE D. (SPEAKING FROM EDINBURGH) "A JOYBRINGER WHO DESERVES AN OBITUARY"

MARK I. (SPEAKING FROM NOTTINGHAM) "SHAME - HE WAS A GOOD LAD HE WILL BE MISSED"

ROB M. (SPEAKING FROM PORTUGAL) "I DREAD WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO TELL ME TOMORROW"

DAVE E. (SPEAKING FROM ABERYSTWYTH) "WHO'S SYD BARRETT?"

THE OBITUARY

SYD WAS A FOUNDER MEMBER OF PINK FLOYD BEFORE GOING INTO PSYCHOTIC SECLUSION AND HENCE GIVING BIRTH TO HIS OWN LEGEND. SYD WAS THE REFERRED TO 'DIAMOND' IN 'SHINE ON YOU CRAZY DIAMOND' - FROM THE EXCELLENTLY MOROSE 'WISH YOU WERE HERE' ALBUM - ONE OF MY FAVOURITES. I HAD THE BOXED SET OF HIS SOLO WORKS IN PRIDE OF PLACE UNTIL FORCED TO SELL RECENTLY.

"Remember when you were young, You shone like the sun. Shine on you crazy diamond. Now there's a look in your eyes, Like black holes in the sky. Shine on you crazy diamond."
 

BYE SYD.

http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=11:t2jv7i4jg7or~T00

http://observer.guardian.co.uk/magazine/story/0,11913,804928,00.html

10\7 I'VE MISSED THE LAST NIGHT OF THE LITTLETON ARMS TRADING TONIGHT BEFORE THE *******'* CLOSE IT TO KNOCK IT DOWN. THEY TRANSPORTED LONDON BRIDGE BRICK BY BRICK - WHY NOT THE 'TON - NURSIE'S GARDEN HAS ROOM, IS NICE AND CENTRAL FOR US ALL AND CATCHES THE SUN IN THE EARLY EVENING.

MY WORLD IS SHRINKING - I KNOW HOW THEY FEEL IN THE RAIN FOREST

I FEEL MY SPIRIT ANIMAL (THEY CAN'T LOCK YOU UP FOR IT)

9\7 ITALY WIN OUR WORLD CUP - YADA YADA - IN 2,000,000,000 YEARS - WHO'S GONNA CARE

BUT THEY HAVE THE BEST FOOD SO THEY DESERVED TO WIN.

ACTUALLY THAT WOULD BE BETTER THAN PENALTIES - LETS HAVE A COOK OFF JUDGED BY THE ARGENTINEAN VERSION OF GORDON RAMSEY

AN ARGENTINEAN CHEF\DENTIST\MIDWIFE

AGAINST THE GERMANS ITALY ALSO PLAYED THE BEST FOOTBALL OF THE TOURNAMENT. IT SEEMS AGES AGO NOW.

ZIDANE LET HIMSELF DOWN BIG TIME - TOTAL TALENT, TOTAL PLANK.

BIG DELAY AGAIN - BUT AT LEAST THE REF GOT IT RIGHT THIS TIME.

NICE OF 'FREDDIE AND THE DREAMERS' FREDDIE GARRITY TO COME BACK TO LIFE FOR THE TOURNAMENT TO MANAGE FRANCE - NICE ONE FREDDIE.

BRANDHALL BLUES  

FOLLOWING LAST WEEKS DEBACLE ANOTHER TERRIBLE ROUND - 31 OVER. I REALLY HAVE LOST IT COMPLETELY AT THE MOMENT. THE PAIN EASED ONLY SLIGHTLY BY THE KAISER DOING 2 SHOTS WORSE EVEN THAN THAT. PULLED ONE BACK - SCORE 20.15 TO HIM. QUITE A CONTRAST TO WHEN HE ARRIVED IN HIS ZEPPELIN - FLUSHED WITH SUCCESS FROM HIS TEAM BEING SECOND BEST LOSERS IN THE WORLD CUP. "GOOD DAY ENGLISH" HE SHOUTED AS HE DROPPED THE ROPE LADDER, "COME FLY AIR GERMANY." UNFORTUNATELY MITZI - DETLEF'S GERMAN SHEPHERD ATTACK DOG IS NOT A GOOD AIR PASSENGER AND LOST HER BREAKFAST OF BIERWURST AND SHEEP'S EYEBALLS (LOVINGLY PREPARED FOR HER BY THE LADY JANE) SOMEWHERE OVER PLECK. APOLOGIES IF YOU HAPPENED TO BE WALKING UNDERNEATH.

THE MIGHTY COUSINS CRIED OFF THIS WEEK - LUCA HAD A CONTRACT KILLING ON AND JOHN... HAD SOME MEN COMING TO FIT A KITCHEN AND HE WANTED TO STAY AND ....WATCH THEM....? PERHAPS THEY WERE VERY PERSONABLE YOUNG MEN.

NEXT WEEK DETLEF, MITZI AND I WILL TAKE ON THE FAMOUS 'SCHOOL TEACHER NEIL' (HE OF THE AMAZINGLY VICIOUS 'HELICOPTER' PRACTICE SWINGS (IT LOOKS LIKE HE IS GOING TO TAKE OFF) AT THE PICTURESQUE BUT GRUELLING LICKEY HILLS - GRAVEYARD OF CHAMPIONS.

DETLEF, MITZI AND I CRUISE OVER THE SMALL ENGLISH HAMLET OF PLECK IN OUR FLYING MACHINE, IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY YOU CAN JUST MAKE OUT THE REGURGITATED SHEEP'S EYEBALLS AS THEY CASCADE TOWARDS THE LUCKLESS PEASANTS. "LOOK - IT'S THE MASTER FROM THE HOUSE ON THE HILL" THEY CRIED WITH GLEEFUL EXPECTATION......SQUELCH!

GEORGE BUSH TRIBUTE PAGE - http://home.twcny.rr.com/felicity/george_bush_pictures.htm

UPDATED THE LADIES PAGE - THE LADIES PAGE

AS WIMBLEDON COMES TO A CLOSE - GRATUITOUS MARIA PICTURE

8\7 THE EXCELLENT ALAN BLEASDALE SERIES GBH IS REPEATED IN 7 PARTS STARTING TONIGHT ON MORE4 AT 10.15

TONIGHT'S PLAYOFF COULD TURN OUT TO BE VERY SATISFYING - THE GERMANS WILL OF COURSE PLAY FOR PENALTIES - THEIR PLAN A, B AND C - WHICH OF COURSE THEY WILL WIN - FURTHER POETIC JUSTICE AGAINST THE SLIMY PORTUGUESE TEAM. COME ON THE HUN!!

                                                          A TYPICAL GERMAN PLAYER                                AND THE PORTUGESE....           

FRASIER ACTOR DIES - http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/06/28/entertainment/main1760603.shtml

LOONY BLADDER REWARDS LOOPY REF FOR SERVICES RENDERED - http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/world_cup_2006/5152952.stm

FRANK LAMPARD REFLECTS ON A SCINTILLATING WORLD CUP DISPLAY

MANY THANKS TO MARK AND MARGIE I. FOR THEIR SPLENDID HOSPITALITY ON MONDAY. MARK'S YOUNG DAUGHTER CONFIDED IN ME THAT A FEW WEEKS AGO DADDY GOT DRUNK, PUT MOMMY'S BRA ON HIS HEAD, CLIMBED OVER THE FENCE AND ATE NEXT DOORS DOG.

MY MOM'S FACE IS CONTINUING TO HEAL WELL FOLLOWING HER FALL ON HOLIDAY RECENTLY.

MY DAD IS ALSO NOT TOO BAD AT THE MOMENT TOUCH WOOD.

BOTH OF THEM WOULD HAVE SCORED A PENALTY.

A RARE SIGHT                                                         RARER

DETLEF AND MYSELF WILL TAKE PART IN THE NEXT GOLF GAME V THE MGC'S AT BRANDHALL ON SUNDAY

WHILE SITE WAS DOWN: - PLAYED HILLTOP ON 25\6 - BEAT DETLEF BY 4, DREW WITH MARK S. LOST BY 6 TO JOHN B. (HE WAS 11 OVER) - SCORE BECAME 18.14 TO HIM AND I HAD A 4 SHOT LEAD GOING INTO THE NEXT (2 POINTER) GAME AND EVERY REASON TO BE OPTIMISTIC. AFTER ALL - WERE WE NOT ABOUT TO WIN THE WORLD CUP?

UNFORTUNATELY THE NEXT GAME WAS THE DAY AFTER THE ENGLAND PORTUGAL GAME (AND PELSALL CARNIVAL) AND - IN THE PRESENCE OF MY DEAR FRIEND ROB M. - WHO CAME ESPECIALLY FROM LONDON AT SHORT NOTICE TO WATCH US LOSE - OTHERWISE WE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN PLAYING - I CONSPIRED TO GO ROUND THE COURSE IN 34 OVER PAR. SCORE 20-14 TO DETLEF AFTER PENALTIES. THAT I LET MYSELF LIVE SEEMS IMPRUDENT IN THE EXTREME.

PAID MY USUAL BRIEF VISIT TO PELSALL CARNIVAL - ALWAYS NICE TO SEE MY OLD FRIEND JOHN T. BEEN DYING FOR OVER 20 YEARS AND STILL GOING STRONG. ACTUALLY WE ARE ALL DYING FROM THE MOMENT WE ARE BORN TECHNICALLY - WHICH IS A COMFORTING THOUGHT AT THE MOMENT.

ENGLAND'S NEXT GAME IS SUPPOSEDLY 16TH AUGUST IN THE HALL OF THE GODS - BUT THIS MAY HAVE TO BE REARRANGED OWING TO THE GREEKS BEING SUSPENDED BY SEPP BLADDER AND HIS FIFA CRONIES.

http://www.englandfootballonline.com/TeamLatest/Fixtures.html

SELF STYLED SOOTHSAYER ANDY P. STATES:- (AND SOME OF HIS PREDICTIONS HAVE BEEN VERY CLOSE SO FAR) 

6\7 CONGRATULATIONS TO THE  BORING OLD FRENCH ON KNOCKING THE PORTUGESE DIVING TEAM OUT - A BUNCH OF CHEATING PRATS FAMOUS ONLY FOR CHEAP PLONK AND JELLYFISH. GREAT SECOND DIVE WITH PIKE IN THE TOURNAMENT BY HENRY - POETIC JUSTICE

SOME DIFFERING VIEWS ON THE ROONEY/RONALDO THING -

 http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/worldcup06/2006/07/01/dont_blame_ronaldo.html

http://www.4thegame.com/features/blogs/borrows-blog/

http://in.answers.yahoo.com/question/?qid=20060702144851AA87dxm

RONALDO'S VERSION - http://www.gestifute.com/gestifute/index.php?lg=2

NO WAY DID ROONEY STAMP DELIBERATELY ON THAT CREATURE AND NO WAY SHOULD HE APOLOGISE FOR SOMETHING HE DIDN'T DO.

I AM SURE FIFA WILL SEE SENSE AND TAKE NO FURTHER ACTION OVER WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A YELLOW CARD OFFENCE AT THE WORST. AND A FOUL IN HIS FAVOUR AT BEST.

HE AIN'T THAT GOOD AN ACTOR -

COMMISERATIONS TO DETLEF - THE GERMANS WERE SO CLOSE TO PENALTIES AGAINST A VERY GOOD ITALIAN SIDE - PENALTIES THEY WOULD SURELY HAVE WON. GREAT MATCH - HOW FOOTBALL SHOULD BE PLAYED - MOSTLY ALONG THE GROUND! THIS IS WHY ITS CALLED FOOTBALL AND NOT COWING HEADBALL.

SORRY SITE HAS BEEN DOWN - IT'S BEEN BEYOND MY CONTROL - COULDN'T RENEW IT - PROBLEMS HOSTING END - SHOULD BE NO FURTHER PROBLEMS FOR 2 YEARS AT LEAST

- IT'S ONLY JUST FINALLY BEEN SORTED OUT WITHIN THE LAST HALF HOUR TONIGHT - SO I'LL BE DOING MORE UPDATING TOMORROW.

PASS THE WORD AROUND - THE DON IS BACK!

22\6 - I'M HAVING A **** DAY TODAY. FORTUNATELY WE ARE GOING TO BEAT ECUADOR 5.0 ON SUNDAY AFTERNOON WHICH WILL HELP. ALSO HOPEFULLY THE KAISER OF COOL AND I ARE PLAYING THE M.G.C'S AT HILLTOP ON SUNDAY A.M

DAVE E. THE WELSH DON, IS BACK FOR THE WEEKEND - ALTHOUGH UNFORTUNATELY FOR A FUNERAL TOMORROW - SO IF YOU ARE LUCKY YOU MAY MEET UP WITH HIM AT SOME POINT AS I HOPE TO.

21\6 OWEN OUT FOR 5 MONTHS

21\6 OH MY GAWD - HELD BY THE DONKEY FOLK

BUT GREAT PERFORMANCE AND GOAL BY COLE WHICH TOTALLY SHOCKED ME BY GOING IN. ENGLAND DID WELL TO REGROUP AFTER LOSS OF INJURY PRONE OWEN. OWEN, NEVILLE AND FERDINAND ALL HAVE THEIR SCANS TODAY. FERDINAND MAY MISS 2 DAYS TRAINING BUT IS EXPECTED TO BE FIT FOR SUNDAYS DEMOLITION OF ECUADOR. SWEDEN MAY NOT HAVE SCORED THE SECOND GOAL IF FERDINAND HAD STILL BEEN ON THE PITCH. BECKHAM DID NOT HAVE A GOOD GAME AND LAMPARD STILL OWES ENGLAND A BETTER PERFORMANCE. HARGREAVES WAS GREAT AS TENACIOUS AS NOBBY.

BUT - WON THE GROUP - SVEN FIRST MANAGER TO DO THIS SINCE VENABLES

AND I THOUGHT THEY PLAYED MUCH BETTER FIRST HALF THAN THUS FAR.

DIRTY GERMAN TRICKS

GERMANY SCORE WITHIN FIRST 89 MINUTES TO CONFUSE AND CONFOUND MIGHTY ECUADOR - WHO MADE 5 CHANGES AND BASICALLY DIDN'T TURN UP. WE CAN'T RELY ON THEM TO PLAY AS POORLY AGAINST US

COME ON ENGLAND - MASH THE SWEDES AND WIN THE GROUP

           RAW TALENT                                                  RAW SWEDE

BEWILDERED AT BOLDMERE

PLAYED THE CHALLENGE MATCH AGAINST SHOULDERS AT BOLDMERE  - HE USED MY CLUBS - I USED HIS - WHICH CONSISTED OF A DRIVER, 5 WOOD, 5,7,9 IRON PITCHING WEDGE, SAND IRON, PUTTER. I WAS 17 OVER - SO WON THIS BUT DISMAYED TO BE HITTING HIS (WORTH 50P) 'RIPPER' DRIVER AS STRAIGHT AS MY OWN DEAR 'GREAT BIG BERTHA 2+' DRIVER BUT WITH ADDED DISTANCE. IT MAY BE TRUE WHAT PEOPLE HAVE TOLD ME FOR YEARS - MY SHAFT IS TOO STIFF.

IT'S COMING GNOME!!!

PIPPED AT PYPE HAYES

CONGRATULATIONS TO JOHN B. ON HIS BEST EVER ROUND OF GOLF - 6 OVER PAR

JOHN - A POTENTIAL FATHER OF MANY HAS ALSO INVENTED HIS OWN FORM OF ENGLISH - 'JOHNNY TALK' - IN HIS OWN WORDS - STRANGE, BEWILDERING WORDS - "I HAD A GOOD STARTIVE - FROM THE FIRST SWANG I DIDN'T HAVE TOO MUCH HIGH OR TOO MUCH LOW ON MY GOLF. IT'S DAYS LIKE THIS THAT MAKE ME PROUD TO BE AN ENGLAND."

DETLEF ALSO BEAT ME SO NOW ITS 18.13 TO THE PITCHMEISTER

AS A TEAM DETLEF AND I DREW WITH THE MIGHTY GOLFING COUSINS WHO ATTEND THE SAME AEROBICS CLASS AS RONALDO OF BRAZIL

MARGARET I. WALSALL'S ANSWER TO MOTHER THERESA IS SUFFERING FROM SHINGLES. WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAPPEN TO THE GOOD ONES GOD WHY! WHY! BEST WISHES FOR A SPEEDY RECOVERY FROM THE DON AND ALL HIS MOTLEY CRONIES.

MARK AND MARGARET I.

ROB M JUST PHONED ME FROM THE AIRPORT - HE IS OFF TO SOUTH AFRICA TO SHOOT PRINCESS MICHAEL OF KENT. FORTUNATELY AS MOST OF YOU KNOW HE IS A PHOTOGRAPHERS ASSISTANT SO HE WILL BE ALLOWED TO RETURN TO THIS COUNTRY IN TIME TO SEE US THRASH SWEDEN 3.1 AND NOT BE INCARCERATED IN A SQUALID SOUTH AFRICAN JAIL WITH A CELLMATE CALLED BIG DORIS.

REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL:

 PART ONE

ENGLAND'S BEST PERFORMANCE IN THE GROUP STAGES SINCE 1982

PART TWO

FIRST TIME ENGLAND HAVE SCORED IN THE  SECOND HALF IN THE WORLD CUP FINALS SINCE 1998

PART THREE

ROON IS BACK

AND WE STILL HAVEN'T MOVED OUT OF FIRST GEAR YET!

15\6 - A CLEAR WIN AS EXPECTED AND IN A GERMANIC FASHION - ONLY BETTER

CLEAR THROUGH TO THE NEXT ROUND. SMOKIN!!

ANDY P SAID 3.0 I SAID 3.1 - I WIN ON AGGREGATE

GAZSTER OWES SHOULDERS AND I £20 EACH. WE WILL BE IN TOUCH.

AMAZINGLY ON TALKSPORT EARLIER RODNEY MARSH WAS SAYING ENGLAND SHOULD DELIBERATELY LOSE TO SWEDEN IN THE NEXT GAME - (IMPOSSIBLE FOR A START) - TO AVOID GERMANY?? GERMANY?? WHAT HAS HE BEEN WATCHING? - ECUADOR ARE CERTAINLY BETTER THAN GERMANY AND SHOULD BEAT THEM. DON'T GET ME WRONG -  I UNDERSTAND GERMANY HAVE HAD SOME MEASURED SUCCESS IN THE PAST  - MY GRANDMOTHER TOLD ME THEY REACHED THE FINALS IN 1966? - BUT THIS IS A TEAM WE BEAT FOR FUN NOW. FUNNY GERMANS. HEE HEE!

SOMETHING ELSE FUNNY -  http://www.dailysixer.com/drunktank.shtml - JOHN B ON HIS WAY HOME?

SUNBLOCK FOR YOUR PET BADGER http://www.badgersden.com/BadgerBalm/Sunblock.htm

ENGLAND BADGERS -http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/footy/

TO BE SERIOUS FOR ONCE - WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN - JUST PICKED UP ON THIS ON TALKSPORT - http://www.amicustheunion.org/Default.aspx?page=4005 I FIND IT AMAZING THAT THIS UNION IN MY PERCEPTION APPEAR TO ALMOST BE CONDONING PEOPLE THROWING A 'SICKIE' TO WATCH OUR ROUT OF T'NT - WHEN SOME OF THE PEOPLE THEY REPRESENT WORK CARING FOR OTHERS.  IN A CASE LIKE THAT - WHO DO THEY THINK WILL DO THEIR JOB? NO ONE SHOULD SUFFER AS A RESULT OF OUR GLORIOUS WINNING WORLD CUP CAMPAIGN. COME ON ENGLAND!!!!

15\6 - ENGLAND FACE TRIAL IN NUREMBURG.

IS 34 YEAR OLD DWIGHT YORKE STILL THE BEST STRIKER LIVING IN HIS STREET?

DWIGHT IN HAPPIER TIMES BEFORE CROSSING JORDAN

14\6 - WELL DONE GERMANY - EVENTUALLY. THEY ALWAYS FIND SOMETHING FROM SOMEWHERE DON'T THEY?

SHOULD THURSDAY'S GAME BE ALLOWED? IS IT POSSIBLE ENGLAND MAY BE PROSECUTED UNDER THE LOOPY HUMAN RIGHTS ACT FOR ITS COMPLETE DEVASTATION OF T'NT? PERSONALLY I FEEL IT SHOULD GO AHEAD.

PREVIOUS CONTESTS THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN STOPPED:-

DAVID V GOLIATH

   ALI V FOREMAN

USA V ENGLAND

TOM V JERRY

ROCKY BALBOA V CLUBBER LANG

MY DEAR FRIEND DETLEF HAS ALWAYS BEEN FAMOUS TO ME - HERE WERE MY FIRST 2 ATTEMPTS AT A WEB PAGE FROM A FEW YEARS AGO - BOTH OF WHICH FEATURE GERMANY'S FINEST EXPORT TO THE UK.

http://hometown.aol.co.uk/christhedon/index.html

http://hometown.aol.co.uk/christhedon/myhomepage/photo.html

13\6 FRANCE HARDLY SET THE WORLD ALIGHT (LIKE THEY DO SHEEP) AND BUGS AND HIS MATES WEREN'T OVER INSPIRING EITHER. BRING ON TRINIDAD AND TOBAGO. CAN'T WAIT.

THE BEST FOOTBALL RELATED VIDEO YOU CAN BE WATCHING AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME IS 'MY SUMMER WITH DES' - IF YOU CAN FIND A COPY. 'SHOULDERS' AND I WILL BE WATCHING IT MONDAY.

KEANE RETIRES. WHAT A GUY. THERE WAS ONLY ONE KEANO.

12\6 - THUNDERSTORMS THIS MORNING. THESE REALLY UNSETTLE MITZI - DETLEF'S GERMAN SHEPHERD ATTACK DOG. IN FACT DURING THE FAMOUS BAVARIAN 'HIMMEL WUT' THUNDERSTORMS SHE BIT HIS LEFT LEG OFF AND IT HAD TO BE SEWED BACK ON BY THE FINEST GERMAN TAILORS. THIS ACCOUNTS FOR HIS GOLF SWING. TRAGICALLY THEY PUT IT BACK ON THE WRONG WAY ROUND.

DAWN BREAKS!! OR CRACK OF DAWN!! (I SHOULD WORK FOR THE SUN)

Ejected Big Brother housemate Dawn Blake collapsed while discussing the psychological pressures of the reality TV show, it has been reported.
The evictee - who started a hunger strike after being thrown off the Big Brother show for breaking house rules - collapsed during a visit to the Mental Health Foundation in London.
She was taken to hospital for treatment but continued to refuse food. She has now been fasting for six days.
 

11\6 BOTH MISSIONS ACCOMPLISHED YESTERDAY ALTHOUGH BOTH ENGLAND AND I CAN AND WILL PLAY EVEN BETTER NEXT TIME. I PULLED ANOTHER ONE BACK - SCORE NOW 16.13 TO THE KAISER. ENGLAND HAVE PRACTICALLY QUALIFIED ALREADY. GERMANY CONTINUE TO STRUGGLE. I HAVE SEEN NO TEAM ENGLAND NEEDS TO FEAR AS YET - ALTHOUGH BRAZIL PLAY TUESDAY. PUSSIES.

SPOKE TO ST SARAH TODAY - SHE IS STILL SAINT-LIKE

AS EVERYONE KNOWS - GERMAN PLAYERS ALWAYS HAVE FUNNY NAMES TO GO WITH THEIR FUNNY WALKS - ONE REJOICES IN THE SNIGGER INDUCING NAME OF SCHWEINSTEIGER. WELL WE ALL KNOW WHAT A 'SCHWEIN' IS DON'T WE KIDDIES - WELL ACCORDING TO DET - STEIGER MEANS TO MOUNT SOMETHING...I REST MY CASE

A MASTER AT WORK - WATCH AND LEARN GERMANY. WATCH AND LEARN.

9\6\06 AND THEY'RE OFF!!!! 40 YEARS HAS BEEN A LONG WAIT. THEY GAVE PELE THE TROPHY TO LIFT FOR THE OPENING CEREMONY AND HE MANAGED TO GET IT UP.

GLORY HERE WE COME

I SHALL START THE DAY TOMORROW WITH A FOOLHARDILY EARLY TEE OFF TIME OF 7.30 JUST IN TIME TO BEAT THE HUN BEFORE BREAKFAST AND THEN SAUNTER OFF TO THE PUB TO WATCH A 3.1 VICTORY. SMOKE ME A KIPPER.

NOTHING CAN STOP US NOW

GREAT NEWS REGARDING ROONEY - I'VE GOT SO PISSED OFF WITH ALL THESE DEFEATIST SO CALLED FOOTBALL EXPERTS OVER THE LAST FEW WEEKS STATING THERE WAS NO WAY HE COULD GO - E.G. GARTH CROOKS FOR ONE - ITS A WONDER THESE TOSSERS CAN TIE THEIR OWN SHOELACES

A CABBAGE                       GARTH CROOKS

5\6\06 THE GOLDEN GENERATION OF ENGLISH FOOTBALL FLY OUT - ONWARD LADS - TO VICTORY!!

"And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not there,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Beckham's day".

"IS THAT A FRANKFURTER IN YOUR POCKET DAVID OR ARE YOU JUST PLEASED TO SEE ME?"

ROBOKOP (I THINK THAT'S RATHER CLEVER OF ME) - http://youtube.com/watch?v=96eSrFlUVh0&

'LOST' COMPETITION

DO YOU ENJOY 'LOST'? - THINK OF A CAPTION TO THIS PIC - WINNER GETS A GUINNESS AND A SMACKED BOTTOM (BOTTOM BIT APPLIES TO LADIES ONLY)

GREAT WIN BY ENGLAND SATURDAY OVER JAMAICA - OK THEY AREN'T THE BEST OF TEAMS BUT OUR PERFORMANCE WAS STILL IMPRESSIVE AND CROUCH GOES FROM STRENGTH TO STRENGTH. ANOTHER GREAT DISPLAY FROM BECKS. REMEMBER JAMAICA ARE 46TH IN THE WORLD RANKINGS - HIGHER THAN HUNGARY (76TH) AND BELARUS (65TH). ON SUNDAY BRAZIL TAKE ON NEW ZEALAND (118TH) AND I DON'T THINK THEY WILL BE CRITICISED FOR PLAYING WEAK OPPOSITION OR WINNING HEAVILY. (AND AS IT WAS THEY ONLY MANAGED 4.0)

FIFA RANKINGS - http://www.fifa.com/en/mens/statistics/index/0,2548,117943,00.html?articleid=117943

HALCYON DAYS AT HATCHFORD

4\6\06 - ANOTHER WIN OVER THE MIGHTY GOLFING COUSINS AT SUNNY HATCHFORD BROOK. COURSE IN GREAT CONDITION - RIGHT BY BIRMINGHAM AIRPORT - TELL THEM THE DON SENT YOU.

I LOST TO THE 'SULTAN OF SWANG' BY 1 SHOT AFTER A LACROSSE SHOT OUT OF A BUNKER BUT BEAT DETLEF BY 8 SHOTS - SCORE NOW 16 - 12 TO HIM. MARK S. SADLY HAD TO RETIRE WITH SWEATY PALMS. I SYMPATHISE AS MINE ARE HAIRY AND I'M GOING BLIND.

AFTER THE GAME DETLEF SPORTINGLY TRIED TO ATTACK ME WITH A CLOCKWORK DOG STOLEN FROM HIS DAUGHTER WHILST SCREAMING ' KILL, MITZI KILL!!' UNFAZED I MAGNANIMOUSLY OFFERED DETLEF AN 'ENGLAND' STICKER BUT HE GRACIOUSLY DECLINED SAYING IT WAS TOO SMALL TO WIPE HIS **** ON.

RISE UP AGAINST HIM IN YOUR DOZENS LICHFIELD VASSALS! STORM THE DRAWBRIDGE AND TAKE HIS CASTLE! HIM AND HIS BLOODY BATS!

SPEAKING OF DETLEF - TUESDAY IS 6\6\6! THIS CAN ONLY BRING EVIL TO OUR LAND. MOTHER'S FEAR BIRTH OF DEVIL BABY - http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2087-2158015,00.html

ANTI CHRIST TO BE REVEALED THIS TUESDAY - http://www.satansrapture.com/6606.htm (EITHER THAT OR THEY WILL BE ANNOUNCING THE GERMAN TEAM TO PLAY COSTA RICA)

IS THE WORLD WIDE WEB THE ANTI CHRIST? http://www.av1611.org/666/www_666.html

I'M SURE A MATE OF MINE IS ONE OF THESE DEVIL WORSHIPPER FOLK - BUT I ALWAYS GET THEM MIXED UP WITH THE FREEMASONS

DRAW AGAINST DETLEF OTHER DAY (1ST) AT COCKS MOOR WOODS - 3 TEMPS! VERY MUDDY - WOULDN'T RECOMMEND IT AT MO.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ON 1ST JUNE PETER D. -  - STILL HOPE TO SEE YOU IN OCTOBER MATE ALTHOUGH I'TS 2 YEARS LATE - START STOCKING UP ON FOOD NOW AND DON'T FORGET THE CRUNCHY NUT CORNFLAKES AND THE MACKIE'S RUM AND RAISIN ICE CREAM. I THANK YOU.

PETE RECEIVES HIS BIRTHDAY CAKE FROM GEORGE BUSH LOOK-ALIKE JOCK 'MAD DOG' FARQUESON OF GLASGOW

HOW DOES PETE RETAIN HIS YOUTHFUL LOOKS? - http://www.phantasm.com/hpages/embalm.html

TALKING OF BIRTHDAYS, WHICH I WAS - DO YOU KNOW IT IS ILLEGAL TO SING 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY'? - http://www.unhappybirthday.com/

SOME ENCOURAGING SIGNS IN ENGLAND'S 3.1 VICTORY OVER HUNGARY LAST NIGHT - BECKHAM HAS BEEN PLAYING THAT WELL FOR REAL MADRID MOST OF THE SEASON - HE IS STILL THE BEST CROSSER OF THE BALL IN THE WORLD. COULD HAVE DONE WITHOUT LAMPARD'S PENALTY MISS BUT 3 NICELY TAKEN GOALS AND EXCELLENT GOAL CELEBRATION FROM CROUCH STRAIGHT FROM THE IAN P. SCHOOL OF DANCE AND MIDWIFERY.

BEST WISHES TO JACK I. - ONE OF MY REGULAR VISITORS - IN RECOGNITION OF THIS I WILL BE PLAYING ONE OF HIS FAVOURITE SONGS FOR THE NEXT WEEK - (NOW OVER.)

MIGHTY GOLFING COUSINS IN SHOCK DEFEAT - BEDLAM AT BOLDMERE

THANKS LARGELY TO THE KAISER OF COOL WE BEAT JOHN B. AND MARK S. AT BOLDMERE ON A SHOWERY BANK HOLIDAY MONDAY. DETLEF ALSO BEAT JOHN'S INDIVIDUAL SCORE AND CHALKED UP A 2 POINT VICTORY IN OUR OWN INDIVIDUAL BATTLE - SCORE 16.10 TO THE CHANCELLOR OF CHARM, THE DOYEN OF DRESDEN

DETLEF CELEBRATES HIS WIN

LITTLETON BIKE SHOW WAS GREAT AFTERWARDS - EVERYONE IN HIGH SPIRITS DESPITE THE SHOWERS AND MONEY RAISED FOR CHARITY. MARK I. ENCOURAGED EXTRA PURCHASES BY DRAPING HIS WIFE AND FORMER MODEL MARGARET OVER HIS BOOK STALL UNFORTUNATELY WHEN HE PACKED UP HIS STALL HE REALISED HE HAD AT SOME POINT SOLD 2 OF THE KIDS - THE SEARCH CONTINUES.

ROONEY SCAN BROUGHT FORWARD TO 7TH JUNE

10 things I hate about commandments - http://view.break.com/99246

AS YOU ALL KNOW I LOVE SCOTLAND AND ALWAYS ENJOY MY MISSIONARY WORK THERE. I HAVE EVEN WATCHED BRAVEHEART, BUT SHOCKED BY ANDY MURRAY'S COMMENTS TODAY. I FEEL HE SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED PASSAGE THROUGH ENGLAND FOR THE DURATION OF THE TOURNAMENT. OTHER FAMOUS TRAITORS - LORD HAW HAW -  http://www.heretical.com/British/joyce.html TOKYO ROSE - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iva_Toguri_D'Aquino SIDESHOW BOB TERWILLIGER - http://www.thesimpsons.com/bios/bios_townspeople_sideshowbob.htm

NEW - GOLF TOTTY SECTION - http://www.christhedon.com/Totty

SPLENDID VICTORY BY THE OLD GERMAN MAESTRO, THE SILVER FOX AT BOLDMERE

WELL BEATEN BY DETLEF TODAY (SATURDAY) - I WAS 17 OVER HE WAS 14 OVER - SCORE 14.10 TO HIM.

RAINED PRETTY MUCH NONE STOP. NICE TO RECEIVE A TEXT FROM HIGHGATE'S ANSWER TO DAVID BAILEY ROB M. HALF WAY ROUND TO TELL ME HE WAS SIPPING ROSE WINE BY THE POOL IN A CHATEAU IN PROVENCE. PUFF.

ALL EYES ARE ON MONDAY WHEN WE TAKE ON THE MIGHTY COUSINS AT BOLDMERE. THE COUSINS WILL BE ARRIVING ABOUT AN HOUR BEFORE THE MATCH TO FEAST HEAVILY ON PIG.

THANKS TO IAN P. FOR POINTING OUT THAT MY MAIL LINK ON THIS SITE IS NO LONGER WORKING - I THOUGHT IT HAD GONE QUIET - I'M WORKING ON FIXING IT. - NOW WORKING!!

WHY DO SKY SPORTS NEWS KEEP WHEELING OUT FAILED MANAGERS ALAN MULLERY AND GERRY FRANCIS TO MAKE THEIR NEGATIVE COMMENTS ABOUT THE ENGLAND TEAM - WHO GIVES A TOSS WHAT THEY THINK?

ADDED NATASHA HAMILTON TO THE WOMEN PAGE - SHE'S EARNED IT

JUST IN 26\5\06 - ROONEY MAY BE FIT FOR QUARTER FINALS - FURTHER SCAN TAKES PLACE 14TH JUNE

ENGLAND 'B' 1 BELARUS 2  - (MEANS NOTHING)

ROONEY DOCTOR SACKED  

AWAITING RESULT OF ROONEY SCAN TODAY WITH SOME TREPIDATION

  http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/sport/football/story.jsp?story=692356

DAWN CHUCKED OUT OF MAD BROTHER FOR COMMUNICATING WITH THE OUTSIDE WORLD - A FIRST FOR ANY HOUSEMATE PROBABLY.
 

HE'S GOING HOME!!!! MAD AS A FISH, BLESS.

                                               A MAD FISH                                     SHAHBAZ OF BIG BROTHER         

                            PETE TO WIN - HE SEEMS THE ONLY GENUINE ONE OF THE LOT. SEZER IS A GOOD EXAMPLE OF A GIT. 

REMEMBER IF THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH YOU AND YOU WANT TO JOIN THIS FREAK SHOW LOOK OUT FOR THE GOLDEN TICKETS IN WANKA BARS.                        

LADS AND LASSES THIS IS CLASSIC - DETLEF IS THE ONE ON THE EXTREME RIGHT IN THE RATHER GENEROUS TROUSERS. HIS BROTHER IS ALSO PICTURED BUT LOOKS RELATIVELY NORMAL. THIS PICTURE WAS TAKEN IN 1850 WHICH IS ABOUT 10 TO 7. CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW.

http://www.christhedon.com/Antique

Friday as usual was Mitzi's bubble bath night. Mitzi loves her bath which takes place in the bunker beneath Detlefs home. "Rowth!" she exclaimed with pleasure, gaily soaking the Lady Jane (a former Bavarian playmate of the month) with one deft flick of her massive paw.

Unfortunately for our canine chum, who still had her doggie curlers in, Saturday's golf game was a thankless trudge in wind, rain and mud which I lost to Detlef - but fortunately only by 3 shots - so we both got a point - score now 13.10 to him. The match only really sticks out in the memory for a very unfortunate incident involving Mitzi, Detlef and a goat.

A press release from aging Heinz Shickelgruber, the butler at Detlef's home  'Stalag - nous' stated that Mitzi would be fit for full training within five days. The curlers can be removed in 3.

Commiserations to babe and gay favourite Ian P a fervent supporter of Leeds United whenever they are in the Play - offs. I'm sure Leeds would have livened the Premiership up for a year but I can't help but think they would have turned it into a bit of a circus - and we already have Arsenal.

MITZI'S BOYFRIEND POPSIE - A LEEDS SUPPORTER

THE MIGHTY GOLFING COUSIN'S TRIUMPH

ALSO:

THE GREAT ESCAPE AT PYPE HAYES

             ME             DET         

JOHN B. 'RID' HIS LUCK - HIS WORDS - ALTHOUGH 'SWANGING' WELL - STILL HIS WORDS - AND HAVING TOO MUCH 'HIGH' ON SOME OF HIS SHOTS - YES STILL HIS WORDS - (AND THIS MAN IS ALLOWED TO VOTE)......AND BEAT US ALL WITH SOME STYLE DESPITE HAVING A MARE ON THE LAST HOLE - MY WORDS.

MARK S. HAD A GREAT START WITH THE USUAL 30 FEET TAP INS  BUT WAS PLAGUED BY MITZI THROUGHOUT - EVENTUALLY LOSING HIS PATIENCE AND DEFTLY CHIPPING HER 300 YARDS INTO STINGING NETTLES

THE MIGHTY GOLFING COUSINS BEAT THE MALE MODELS EVEN UNDER DETLEF'S RESTRAINED BUT EFFECTIVE CAPTAINCY - 'STICK IT IN CHRIS!!' - THOUGHT MY LUCK WAS IN - BUT MITZI GOT JEALOUS (AND BIT JOHN)

MITZI

I HAD A STABLE OF MARES ON THE FIRST HOLES AND FOUND MYSELF LOSING BY 11 SHOTS TO DETLEF AFTER 7 HOLES

THE FACT I WON BY 5 SHOTS HAS TO GO DOWN IN THE ANNALS OF MY OWN MIND AS THE GREATEST COMEBACK IN GOLFING HISTORY AND PROVE ONCE AND FOREVER SOMETHING I'VE YET TO THINK OF.

SVEN MAKES IT INTERESTING

ENGLAND WORLD CUP WINNING SQUAD - Paul Robinson, David James, Robert Green, Gary Neville, Rio Ferdinand, John Terry. Ashley Cole. Sol Campbell. Jamie Carragher, Wayne Bridge, David Beckham, Michael Carrick, Frank Lampard, Steven Gerrard. Owen Hargreaves, Jermaine Jenas, Stewart Downing, Joe Cole, Aaron Lennon, Wayne Rooney, Michael Owen, Peter Crouch, Theo Walcott, Scooby Doo

NO PLACE SADLY FOR BORIS JOHNSON.

STOP PRESS NEWS!

GERMAN – ALSATIAN RECONCILIATION
Both in search of Lebensraum their eyes met across a rainlit meadow in Bilston
They ran towards each other in slow motion, dodging the odd cowpat
Detlef's hairs and Mitzi's girlish tail flowing in the wind. Man and Attack Dog met in a wild embrace
"Mitzi - mein liebchen! - Come to poppa! - How I have missed you my little apple strudel,
let us play a round together"
"Woofenzee" replied Mitzi in flirtatious acceptance – the minx.

Its on again – and next weekend Detlef, Mitzi a V2 rocket and I will be taking on The Mighty Golfing Cousins individually and as a team in a match that has been described by me as “An unbelievable spectacle” and “Bloody great”
 

GREAT TO SEE THE BOY WONDER WALK ON THE PITCH UNAIDED AFTER UNITED'S THRILLING WIN OVER CHARLTON SUNDAY

FERGUSON PAUSED TO SPIT OUT RUUD VAN NISTELROOY'S LEFT TESTICLE BEFORE STATING HE THOROUGHLY EXPECTED THE BOY THAT WALKS LIKE A GOD TO BE NAMED IN SVEN'S SQUAD ON MONDAY - SAYING HE WOULD DO THE SAME IN HIS POSITION.

HILLTOP HIJINKS - DETLEF TURNS ON MITZI AS TITLE MARCH STUTTERS

BEAT DETLEF YESTERDAY (SATURDAY) IN A 2 POINT GAME AT HILLTOP - SCORE NOW 12.8 TO HIM

SHOCK ON THE 17TH AS DETLEF AND MITZI TURN ON EACH OTHER - DETLEF SLICING MITZI INTO A NEARBY COPSE, MITZI SPRINGING BACK UP IN SECONDS AND MASTER AND HOUND - ENTWINED IN A GIANT BALL OF FLASHING FANGS AND FLOURISHING 9 IRON ROLLING DOWN THE HILL AND ACROSS 2 FAIRWAYS. "VERDAMMTER MUTT - I TOLD YOU IT WAS A 7 IRON SHOT!" DETLEF EXCLAIMED THROUGH A MOUTHFUL OF MITZI FUR -  MITZI ANSWERING BY FIRMLY SINKING HER TEETH INTO DETLEF'S MANLY BUTTOCKS - RIPPING AWAY THE MATERIAL OF HIS CAMOUFLAGED COMBAT TROUSERS TO REVEAL A PAIR OF BRIGHT PINK LACY BOXER SHORTS UNDERNEATH

WORLD CUP KICKS OFF 9TH JUNE - ENGLAND'S FIRST WINNING MATCH IS 10TH JUNE AGAINST PARAGUAY -FAMOUS FOR NOTHING AT ALL

START PLANNING SICK DAYS NOW - BOSSES WILL BE EXPECTING IT AND WILL CONDONE IT FULLY - FULL FIXTURE LIST - http://fifaworldcup.yahoo.com/06/en/w/schedule.html

NEED HELP WITH THAT SICKNESS EXCUSE? - http://www.wikihow.com/Call-in-Sick-When-You-Just-Need-a-Day-Off

REMEMBER - FOR THE DURATION OF THE TOURNAMENT - MENTIONING ANY PREVIOUS SUCCESS WE HAVE HAD AT ANYTHING AGAINST GERMANY - INCLUDING TIDDLEYWINKS  IS STRICTLY VERBOTTEN

IN THE LAP OF THE GODS - UNITED STILL PROJECT 6 WEEKS TO FULL TRAINING

"TAKE MY METATARSAL GOD"...BETTER STILL - TAKE IAN'S

Ferguson confirmed Rooney suffered two breaks to the same metatarsal when he went over on his foot at Stamford Bridge on Saturday but said confirmation of the second break would have no effect on the player's recovery programme.

"The break he has got in the fourth metatarsal is a small fracture but the one slightly above it is nothing to worry about at all," he said. "It doesn't affect the recovery, there is no damage there at all."

ROONEY IS NOW IN AN OXYGEN TENT - CHAOS ENSUED EARLIER WHEN IT WAS FOUND UNITED HAD FAILED TO EVICT IT'S PREVIOUS OCCUPANTS - AN AGING POP PERFORMER AND A LARGE CHIMPANZEE OOH! OW!

"Wayne Rooney has been given encouragement by England rugby union international Mike Tindall, who revealed he played with a broken metatarsal during the World Cup final in 2003"

-Actually - there have been some England performances where I feel all 11 players had broken legs...

WE ALL HOPE FOR THE BEST - BUT IF WAYNE CAN'T GO THIS SITE STILL PREDICTS THE WORLD CUP WILL TAKE PLACE.

       LIFE IS A BITCH AND THEN YOU DIE

A NATION PRAYS - PLEASE GOD LET WAYNE RECOVER 

               HE'S GOT TO TAKE THE RISK AND TAKE HIM - HOPEFULLY UNITED WILL THINK SO TOO. I'M A BIG BECKHAM FAN - BUT NO -ONE HAD A METATARSAL BEFORE HE DID - NOW EVERY BUGGER HAS ONE.

BEAT DETLEF BY 3 SHOTS TODAY (SUNDAY) AT BRANDHALL) - SO SCORE NOW 12.6 TO HIM - BUT WE LOST INDIVIDUALLY AND AS A TEAM TO THE MIGHTY GOLFING COUSINS. MARK S. PLAYED VERY CONSISTENTLY HITTING 200 YARD PUTTS AND JOHN B. FOOLED US ALL BY TURNING UP WITHOUT A HANGOVER - MEANING SOME OF HIS BLOOD HAD TURNED TO BLOOD. MITZI HAD PUPPIES ON THE 18TH GREEN. DETLEF HAD KITTENS ON THE 17TH.

 SCOLARI DEAL OFF - PRESS SCREW IT UP - WHAT ELSE IS NEW. HANGING IS TOO GOOD FOR THEM BUT I'D LIKE TO SEE IT. CHRIST KNOWS WHO WE WILL END UP WITH NOW. I'D STILL GO FOR MARTIN O'NEILL BUT I WOULDN'T WISH THE JOB ON ANYBODY FRANKLY.

MANCHESTER UNITED SET TO SPOIL CHELSKIS PARTY AT THE BRIDGE. I PREDICT 3.1 UNITED AS CHELSKI ARE A BUNCH OF PUSSIES MANAGED BY THE BIGGEST PUSSY OF THEM ALL. DID I MENTION THEY ARE PUSSIES? (SETS FIRE TO BRIDGES BEHIND HIM) - UPDATE - whoops!

ITS THE BIG GOLF GAME TOMORROW (SUNDAY) AS DETLEF, MITZI, MYSELF AND A PANZER TANK TAKE ON THE MIGHTY GOLFING COUSINS IN WHAT HAS BEEN BILLED BY ME AS 'THE BIGGEST EVENT IN THE GOLFING CALENDAR THUS FAR'

IF LIKE ME YOU SPEND MANY HOURS EACH WEEK SURFING THE NET TRYING TO BUY THE RIGHT NUCLEAR FALLOUT SHELTER THESE ARE THE SITES FOR YOU - http://www.bombshelters.com/nuclear.php http://www.totallyabsurd.com/nuclear.htm

MR BURNS TRIBUTE PAGE - http://www.christhedon.com/Burns

A TYPICAL GERMAN AND FRIEND

NEXT GAME HOPEFULLY HILLTOP SATURDAY ('THE RUMBLE BY THE CUT') I'M 4 STROKES DOWN BEFORE WE START. IS THIS FACE BOTHERED?

IT CAN'T HAVE ESCAPED ANYONE'S NOTICE THAT IT'S A VERY FAMOUS YOUNG LADY'S BIRTHDAY THIS WEEK - YES JOYCE C - 28 ON FRIDAY AND STILL BOPPING WITH THE BEST OF THEM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TARZAN'S ORIGINAL CHEETAH - 74 TODAY AND STILL IN THE RUNNING FOR NEXT ENGLAND MANAGER

THEY (THE MONGREL GUTTER PRESS) ARE AT ERIKSSON NOW BECAUSE HE HAS HAD THE TEMERITY TO VISIT CHINA - MANY PEOPLE HAVE. MANY CHINESE LIVE THERE.

FAMOUS PEOPLE WHO HAVE VISITED CHINA

GENGHIS KHAN

RICHARD NIXON

CHI CHI THE PANDA

VERY NICE ROUND WALSALL GOLF CLUB MONDAY - COULDN'T HAVE ASKED FOR BETTER WEATHER. I WON TOO BEATING NEIL ON THE FINAL HOLE (WE PLAYED TO HANDICAPS AND I GAVE HIM SHOTS) NOW I JUST NEED TO BEAT THE HUN WHEN HE GETS BACK FROM BURNING THE REICHSTAG...

SEE THEY'VE STARTED ON ROONEY, OWEN AND TERRY THEN - THEY WILL HAVE STARTED ON ALL THE ENGLAND PLAYERS BY THE TIME OF THE FINALS AS I PREDICTED EARLIER. SCUM. MONGREL SCUM.

UNITED COMPLETELY HUMBLE MEDIOCRE ARSENAL

MARK I. WINS £5 FROM JOHN B. AS A RESULT

JOHN B. IN HIDING

CHELSKI HAVE LUCKY 4.1 WIN

NO GOLF THIS WEEKEND AS I WAS MEETING PETE BUT I'M PLAYING WALSALL TOMORROW

VERY STRANGE TEXTS FROM IAN AFTER THE UTD MATCH WHERE HE APPEARED TO BE MAKING CAT LIKE NOISES??? HE SAID A BLIND MAM (SIC) COULD UNDERSTAND THE CONNECTION. EITHER PISSED OR TURNING INTO GEORGE GALLAWAY.

GREAT PERFORMANCE BY MIDDLESBOROUGH IN THE WEEK - A MATCH THAT WILL STAY IN THE MEMORY!! GO ON AND WIN IT NOW.

VERY MANY THANKS TO IRENE C. AND THE PEGSTER FOR THE CARDS. GET YOU BOTH NEXT YEAR I'VE GOT THE DATES WRITTEN DOWN NOW.

ROB M. - HOPE YOU ARE OK MATE - SORRY TO HEAR THE NEWS

LOST TO THE HUN ON MY BIRTHDAY! AFTER WINNING BY 5 SHOTS AT ONE POINT AND CUNNINGLY REDUCING THAT LEAD TO 1 AFTER 17 HOLES I LOST BY BY 3 SHOTS! MITZI WAS TURNING CARTWHEELS TO 'DEUTSCHLAND UBER ALLES' ON THE KAISER'S PORTABLE GRAMOPHONE AS HE SHOUTED 'GOTCHA' AND HOISTED THE GERMAN FLAG INSTEAD OF THE USUAL ONE ON THE 18TH HOLE. SCORE NOW 12.3. I CAN AT LEAST HAVE SOME RESPITE THIS WEEKEND AS HE IS OFF TO ANNEX THE SUDETENLAND. I STILL HATE THE LITTLE MOUSTACHE HE IS GROWING AND I THINK MITZI DOES TOO BUT SHE NEVER SHOWS IT. SHE JUST CHEWS ON MY LEG.

UNITED NOW 7 POINTS BEHIND CHELSKI - PITY WE SQUANDERED SOME OF THOSE GAMES EARLIER IN THE SEASON

LIKE THE NEW NIKE ADVERT WITH CANTONA AND THE BOY WONDER

HEARD OFF 'UGH' MY INUKTITUT ESKIMO VIEWER IN THE WEEK - HE WROTE TO TELL ME 'I FEEL LIKE A FISH'

GERMAN HUMOUR - THIS IS GOOD BY VIRTUE OF HOW MANY PEOPLE MISUNDERSTAND IT - http://www.anenglishmanscastle.com/archives/000463.html

CAPTURED BY SECRET CAMERA- DETLEF'S ATTACK DOG "MITZI" IN LEDERHOSEN

PHOTOGRAPHIC PROOF THAT THE GERMANS EVOLVED ALONGSIDE US! DETLEF IS THE ONE ON THE LEFT

PREVIOUS TEXT NEWS NOW ARCHIVED - www.christhedon.com/Previous

LISTEN UP EVERYONE!! LAST CALL FOR PETE - HE ARRIVES FROM EDINBURGH ON FRIDAY NIGHT AND I WILL BE SEEING HIM SATURDAY AFTERNOON - SO IF ANYTHING IS OUT OF PLACE CAN EVERYONE PLEASE WORK HARD TO SMARTEN THINGS UP. THERE WAS SOME LITTER IN PARK ST I NOTICED LAST WEEK AND THE HIPPO NEEDS POLISHING. I'M THE SAME.

26TH MARCH - I LOSE AGAIN  TO THE BEAST OF BAVARIA. 'MITZI' KEPT BARKING DURING MY BACKSWING. THERE WAS ALSO A LOT OF SNARLING AND WATERING OF TREES - BUT THAT WAS DETLEF. 11.3 NOW. EVEN IAN HAS LOST FAITH. LONG WAY TO GO YET THOUGH. TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY - "AS GOD IS MY WITNESS, AS GOD IS MY WITNESS, HE'S NOT GOING TO LICK ME! NO OR MITZI TOO! I'M GOING TO LIVE THROUGH THIS, AND WHEN IT'S ALL OVER, I'LL NEVER BE HUNGRY AGAIN - NO, NOR ANY OF MY FOLKS! IF I HAVE TO LIE, STEAL, CHEAT OR KILL, AS GOD IS MY WITNESS, I'LL NEVER BE HUNGRY AGAIN!!.") (SCARLETT O'HARA)

WELL THATS ST PATRICKS DAY OUT OF THE WAY - WHAT TO LOOK FORWARD TO NEXT...EASTER? I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO GET TOO WILD ABOUT IT BUT AT LEAST IT IS A PUBLIC HOLIDAY - SO MORE CHANCE TO BUMP INTO PEOPLE YOU KNOW AND SLIGHTLY MORE TO WATCH ON THE TV. OF COURSE ITS A BIG DAY IN THE CHRISTIAN CALENDAR AND HOWEVER YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT I'VE ALWAYS BEEN STRUCK BY THAT LINE FROM 'HITCHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY' AND I QUOTE.. And then, one Thursday, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change ...

There's this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying." "No, it's not that. Today is the worst day of my life. First, I overslept and was late to an important meeting. My boss, outrageous, fired me. When I left the building to go to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police, they said they could do nothing. I got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my wallet in the cab. I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener. I left home and came to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison ...

GOT CHUCKED OUT OF B&Q ON MONDAY....GUY CAME UP TO ME AND ASKED IF I WANTED DECKING SO I GOT THE FIRST PUNCH IN.

CROUCH HAS A GOOD SI'VE LONG BEEN A SUPPORTER OF PETER CROUCH GOING TO THE WORLD CUP - WHO KNOWS HE MAY EVEN SCORE THE WINNING GOAL IN THE FINAL. I THINK MOST PEOPLE RIGHTLY REGARD ANY MAN OVER 5 FEET 10 TO BE A BIT OF A FREAK (CERTAINLY NO WOMAN SHOULD BE OVER 5 FEET 2 - CROUCH COULD MAKE IT ACCEPTABLE TO BE TALL AGAIN - PLATFORM SHOES MAY MAKE A COMEBACK AS SHORT ARSES ALL OVER TRY TO EMULATE THEIR HERO. VISIT MY EBAY SITE FOR A SALE ON STILTS. I ACCEPT PAYPAL.

CAN THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPEN PART 1 - CAN UNITED CATCH CHELSKI - WELL I WOULDN'T BET MY LIFE AGAINST IT - WOULD YOU?....YOUR OWN I MEAN.

CAN THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPEN PART 2 - HAVING MADE MY RETURN AFTER INJURY I PROMPTLY LOST TO BRUNHILDE ON SUNDAY AND AM LOSING 9.3 - NEXT WEEK IS WORTH AN EXTRA POINT IF SOMEONE WINS OVERALL ON STROKES FROM THE 2 GAMES AND I LOST THE GAME SUNDAY BY 4. I WAS LOSING BY 8 BUT DETLEF TROD ON ONE OF HIS OWN LANDMINES ON THE WAY BACK AND TOOK A WHILE TO RECOVER. HE MADE SURE THERE WAS NO CHANCE OF REPEATING HIMSELF LOSING HIS BALL IN THE WATER ON THE LAST BY CUNNINGLY SETTING UP A U BOAT PATROL OF SUTTON BOATING CLUB.

HAVING SAID THAT I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO GET TOO UPSET AT THIS POINT - UGH PUT THAT ICE PICK DOWN - PETE CLIMB DOWN OFF ARTHUR'S SEAT, DAVE.....GET OFF THAT SHEEP......?  I WOULD NOT ADVISE ANYONE TO BET AGAINST ME OVER THE YEAR. SEND MESSAGES OF SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT TO  MAIL@CHRISTHEDON.COM  PLEASE FEEL FREE TO PHONE DETLEF IN THE EARLY HOURS BEFORE GOLF MATCHES, REMOVE HIS BEACH TOWEL FROM THE FIRST TEE, SABOTAGE HIS HALFTRACK, MENTION KLINSMANN.

DO YOU WATCH 'MONK'? IF NOT YOU SHOULD - UNLIKELY HIT SERIES ABOUT A DETECTIVE WITH 0BSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER - BELIEVE ME - WELL WORTH A WATCH - http://www.usanetwork.com/series/monk/

CHELSEA / BARCELONA MATCH REPORT - BY MY MATE 'GRANT' - "DON, IT WAS A ******* NIGHTMARE MATE - WE GOT THERE AND THE ******* GROUND WASN'T NEW AT ALL. RONALDINHO'S ******* LUCKY GOAL WAS CLEARLY ******* OFFSIDE AND JOHN TERRY NEARLY ******* LOST A LEG WHEN HE KICKED THAT GUY. APPLES AND PEARS, KNOCK ME DOWN THE  OLD KENT ROAD, ****". (PASSES OUT)

GROVELLING THANKS TO MARK I. (FREEMASON, MELOMANIAC AND POTENTIAL EMPLEOMANIAC) FOR GETTING ME SIR GEOFF HURST'S AUTOGRAPH THE OTHER NIGHT. IT'S ANOTHER OMEN - WE'RE GOING TO WIN THE WORLD CUP BIG TIME. SIR GEOFF SADLY CONFIRMED HE WAS TRYING TO HOOF THE BALL INTO THE STANDS ON THE FOURTH GOAL BUT CONFIRMED WHAT ALL RATIONAL PEOPLE ACCEPT FOR THE THIRD GOAL - THAT BALL WAS CLEARLY OVER THE LINE. DON'T MENTION THAT THOUGH OR THE WAR.

LITTLE JOSE MOURINHO - TIN POT DON WITH MORE FRONT THAN BRIGHTON NEARLY GOT A BUNCH OF FIVES FROM ROBBO THE OTHER WEEKEND - I'M SURE LIKE ME MILLIONS OF YOU ARE WAITING FOR SUCH A THING TO HAPPEN.

WHERE'S ALL THIS SNOW THEN? ARE WE GOING TO MISS IT AGAIN? DAVE IN WALES IS WORRIED HE CAN'T GET OUT TO HIS SHEEP - WHICH MEANS THEY WON'T BE WORRIED. PETE IN SCOTLAND IS TOBOGGANING DOWN THE HILL TO 'THE CANNY MAN' 0R ANY MAN ACTUALLY.

MARK MY WORDS ROONEY IS JUST COMING INTO EVEN GREATER FORM FOR THE WORLD CUP - IT'S COMING HOME!! IF WE WIN I WILL SMOKE A FAG AT THE BAR!!!!

I NEVER CEASE TO BE SURPRISED AND PLEASED AT THE INTEREST SHOWN IN A HUMBLE ADONIS AND A FORMER RAT CATCHER FROM BAVARIA AND THEIR WEEKLY GAME OF GOLF. AS IN THE CASE OF  'UGH' - AN ESKIMO AND A FREQUENT VISITOR TO THIS SITE - SPEAKING IN HIS NATIVE INUKTITUT HE WRITES TO TELL ME "PIJUMALILLARTUNI ARNARULILLARTUNI" - WHICH MEANS 'I LONG FOR A WOMAN'

MARCH 17TH IS SAINT PATRICKS DAY - IT'S A FRIDAY! AND ITS EVERY TRUE ENGLISHMAN'S DUTY TO DRINK A WEE GUINNESS - YOU SEE IF ST GEORGE HAD JUST KNOCKED A FEW BACK INSTEAD OF SLAYING SODDING DRAGONS ALL OVER THE PLACE WE'D HAVE OUR OWN DRINKING FESTIVAL. OF COURSE THESE DAYS THE DRAGONS WOULD BE PROTECTED BUT STILL NOT ALLOWED TO SMOKE. REMEMBER THERE ARE ONLY 2 MORE ST PATRICKS DAYS YOU CAN SMOKE ON BEFORE THE PRAWN SANDWICH BRIGADE MOVE INTO OUR PUBS AND RESTAURANTS AND WE ALL TAKE UP SELF FLAGELLATION - ALTHOUGH OF COURSE SOME OF US HAVE STARTED EARLY.